New nurse: I get no respect

[Nurse326]

Hi all.

I recently started as a new grad in the ED, and as I've already expected and heard prior to going into that hospital-- there will be some nurse bullying and sure enough, there is.

I've been there for about a month now and I'm still precepting. So far I haven't had too many issues with the RN staff. I know there's a lot of cattyness and complaints about new grads but I've just ignored them. Aside from the RN staff, I feel like I'm getting most of the attitude from the ED techs. On several occasions, I felt like I was being pushed around because I'm so new.

I have always made an effort to be nice and say hello to anyone I'm around but I've been consistently ignored and treated as if I'm not there. On several occasions when I was watching a trauma come in, the techs would tell me to get this and that for them in a dismissive tone and not talk to me after that. I really don't mind getting equipment and helping out, but I felt like they were treating me as if I was beneath them. In that situation, I didn't feel like I had the choice to refuse or stand up for myself because I was just standing there observing.

On another occasion when I was giving an IV medication, the MD corrected me about something, and out of the corner of my eye, I saw the ED techs shaking their heads at each other and rolling their eyes. I could go on about other micro-aggressions, but most of it is going out of their way to ignore me and excluding me (ie, updating my preceptor on my patient's status even though I was assuming most of the care and I was right there, and still refusing to talk to me).

I feel like the obvious answer to this situation is to talk it out with them, but I feel like snapping back is also something I need to do for myself. I don't want to use the "I'm the RN and you're the tech and you need to respect me" argument because I feel like they should treat me with respect regardless of the position I'm in.

It's hard enough learning as a new grad in the ED. It's even harder when people around you are beating you down.

*Sigh* Has anyone had experience with this? How did you deal with it?

[Danvers]

No, jedrnurse, I find the term to be apt. It doesn't bother me, since it is true.There is way too much bullying in nursing.

[Ruby Vee, BSN]

I don't have a problem with getting supplies. I have a problem with tone. There is a difference between "Could you get the supplies?" VS "Get me the supplies!".

As I've said repeatedly, I am not the whiny new grad seeking validity and admiration. I'm asking for the BASIC respect you'd give to a stranger-- which is NOT to be RUDE. Is that hard?

Excellent advice for someone who is actually playing that card. I don't know how it came off to you that I am actually using any sort of power play.

I'm under the impression you think it is permissible to be treated dismissively because you were treated the same way. I truly hope you are not an offender yourself, and if so, do everyone a favor and retire immediately.

This is the post I am referring to. In the first section, the part about wanting the CNAs to be "polite" to you while they're asking you to quit standing around at that code and get supplies already . . . others have pointed out that in the urgency of the situation, the CNAs may not have intended to be rude to you or realized that you would think them rude in that situation. If someone is just standing around at a code, it isn't out of line to ask them to get supplies, and "please" and "thank you" often fall victim to the urgency of the code. And frankly, they may have been a trifle irritated with you that you had to be asked to help out.

As for the "I truly hope you are not an offender yourself, and if so, do everyone a favor and retire immediately"-- it is ageist and nasty. The idea that anyone who would disagree with you must surely be a bully who ought to retire immediately is downright offensive. Perhaps you were "only expressing your frustration", but it still comes across as ageist and nasty and it makes me wonder if this is how you respond to your colleagues at work. If you disrespect your seasoned colleagues in this manner, it may explain why others would disrespect you.

But you are right, it is the only post in this thread that was ageist, and I may have let my opinion of you after reading that post color the way I viewed your previous posts. I have not gone through your posting history; I'm only reacting to posts on this thread. And in THIS thread, I see you making an ageist and mean statement to a poster with whom you disagree, rejecting the advice that the poster took the time to think through, type out and post and rejecting the poster's validity as well.

It may be only this one post, but it's still not nice. And, as I said earlier, it may explain your difficulty with getting the respect you think you deserve.

[Nurse326]

Yeah, not a big fan of the "retire immediately" remark. That was mean.

Perhaps you were "only expressing your frustration", but it still comes across as ageist and nasty and it makes me wonder if this is how you respond to your colleagues at work.

Okay, maybe I went a little overboard with that remark, and if I've offended anyone I apologize.

And no, that is not how I typically respond to colleagues or anyone for that matter. Perhaps the poster telling me to "shut my mouth" about something I never said set me off to respond irrationally.

I respond to disagreement by asking "what ifs" and applying their rationale to different scenarios, as I have done in a previous post on this thread.

[Florida Sun RN]

Okay, maybe I went a little overboard with that remark, and if I've offended anyone I apologize.

And no, that is not how I typically respond to colleagues or anyone for that matter. Perhaps the poster telling me to "shut my mouth" about something I never said set me off to respond irrationally.

I respond to disagreement by asking "what ifs" and applying their rationale to different scenarios, as I have done in a previous post on this thread.

she apologized. Can we move on? The disrespect and condescending looks, remarks and attitudes towards new nurses has got to stop. I thought this thread may help me find ways on how a new nurse can stand their ground and be a part of a team instead of pointing out cattiness and unlikable remarks. Let's stick to the thread subject at hand :)

[Ruby Vee, BSN]

she apologized. Can we move on? The disrespect and condescending looks, remarks and attitudes towards new nurses has got to stop. I thought this thread may help me find ways on how a new nurse can stand their ground and be a part of a team instead of pointing out cattiness and unlikable remarks. Let's stick to the thread subject at hand :)

The subject at hand was why the OP was not getting the respect she expected and how she might change that. Ageism and snark toward those you don't like/disagree with is one reason a new nurse might not get respect. There are plenty of other useful ideas on this thread. The fact that you don't like the content does not mean that the thread is wrong or even that it isn't useful.

For the most part, new nurses get exactly as much respect as they earn. It has always been my practice (and the practice of most of the seasoned nurses and preceptors I know) to start out with respecting the new nurse -- she got through an accredited program and passed the licensing exam, she must have some smarts. She got past our incredibly insightful manager and got herself the job -- she must be a team player. Disrespect only comes if the new nurse has proven she deserves it -- and usually only then after she's proven in multiple times. The new nurse who makes a mistake, admits it, and then sets about to make things right is deserving of respect. The new nurse who makes a mistake, tries to hide it and allows the patient to come to harm rather than admit a mistake is not deserving of respect, and if this sort of thing happens more than once or twice, will earn her my disrespect and the disrespect of most of my colleagues. Not that we discuss the mistakes made by newbies, but if I don't trust my orientee, you can make damned sure that I will drop a subtle word to "watch all of her meds very closely to any guest preceptors and let the unit educator know as well.

A new nurse with integrity problems, one who just doesn't "get it" despite exhaustive attempts to help her with that or one who is not a team player will be disrespected. Otherwise, until you prove you're worthy of disrespect, the default position of most nurses is to respect you within the limitations of your knowledge base.

[Concerto_in_C, BSN, RN]

When I was new they disrespected me because I was new. When I became an accomplished nurse with 8 years experience they started disliking me because they are envious. Most recently they dislike me because I'm agency-contract so they imagine I make a lot of money. Just tell yourself you are not there to make friends. You are there for the patients first and to take care of yourself so you have the emotional and physical stamina to continue working.

Change jobs if they annoy you. I'm a contract nurse so I change jobs every 3 months.

[beckster_01, BSN, RN]

Goodness, give the OP a break. It is HARD to talk about new job issues without tipping the scales between sounding whiny vs. know-it-all. I can relate with feeling like you've covered the same ground over and over and still being met with the same assumptions, and honestly I think the OP has handled that well.

To address your concerns OP, I have encountered a similar situation as you. I was told all of our techs "haze" new hires, and all but one quit after a couple weeks- all it took was for me to demonstrate them basic respect (I don't delegate to them unless a need to, some nurses go out of their way to find a tech to fetch the blanket that is next to their room).

As for the tech I had problems with? I kept my guard raised, I made sure that I was faultless and kept myself mentally prepared to confront her if it was an appropriate situation. I also spent a lot of time learning to read her, she is the type of person that will passively aggressively joke with everyone, but I learned that the more she disliked me the more aggressive the joke. Once I figured that out I played into her good side and now we are pals (not proud of the schmoozing but it worked). Some people will appreciate it if you ask them for help in an area that they have more knowledge than you (our EKG machine is on the fritz, do you have any tips on how to get it working again?). It demonstrates that I am trying to be autonomous but I am still ready and willing to learn from everyone on the team. Between that and a couple strategic confrontations we are in a workable place. I still don't trust her, but that is a different issue than respect.

I was a step away from building a list of very specific quotes and situations and meeting with her and a manager to discuss our issues. While this is an ideal situation for true conflict resolution I avoided it because word of meetings like that spread and that isn't good for your image either. But the most important thing you can do is continue to be friendly, don't hold grudges, but remain careful and prepared to intelligently stand your ground if the opportunity is right.

[Lunah, MSN, RN]

Does anyone else hear Rodney Dangerfield when they read this thread title?

[Nurse326]

It is HARD to talk about new job issues without tipping the scales between sounding whiny vs. know-it-all. I can relate with feeling like you've covered the same ground over and over and still being met with the same assumptions

Yes, and thank you. For the interest of not flooding this thread with the same idea I've been trying to reiterate, I won't be responding to posts with those same assumptions anymore.

Although yes, the new nurse is sometimes to blame for the lack of respect he/she is getting, the problem we are talking about here is being disrespected despite doing all the "right" things. I think many of you have brought up very good points on countering those challenges. I am simply not okay with being openly disrespected, ducking my head, and taking it; or defending myself (when appropriate) and being called a brat for doing so.

[Ruby Vee, BSN]

When I was new they disrespected me because I was new. When I became an accomplished nurse with 8 years experience they started disliking me because they are envious. Most recently they dislike me because I'm agency-contract so they imagine I make a lot of money. Just tell yourself you are not there to make friends. You are there for the patients first and to take care of yourself so you have the emotional and physical stamina to continue working.

Change jobs if they annoy you. I'm a contract nurse so I change jobs every 3 months.

I cannot believe that anyone past the age of 12 actually BELIEVES the "they just don't like me because they're jealous" claptrap. You describe an 8 year arc of people not liking you because you're new or they're envious. Perhaps they just don't like you because you aren't a team player, or because. You're disrespectful of your colleagues or for some reason that actually has something to do with YOU.

[DeenieRN]

Nurse326, I really feel for your situation. I could not have possibly coped with starting as a nurse grad in the ER. I totally respect that you took the leap and did that. Having been in the ER now, I have seen a handful of new grads start and go through exactly what you're talking about. Of those who have not made it, quit or been fired, I have noticed that they're the ones who seem cavalier, don't ask questions, over-delegate and don't have a solid go-to person. Find one of the nicer nurses, confide in them and make them your go-to person. That kind of support will get you through this stage. Bottom line is, if you get through this, you'll be a better nurse, your confidence will be solid and you'll be able to work anywhere, sadly this kind of attitude is prevalent and it shouldn't be. Best of luck to you! :)

[Curious1alwys, BSN, RN]

I cannot believe that anyone past the age of 12 actually BELIEVES the "they just don't like me because they're jealous" claptrap. You describe an 8 year arc of people not liking you because you're new or they're envious. Perhaps they just don't like you because you aren't a team player, or because. You're disrespectful of your colleagues or for some reason that actually has something to do with YOU.

Brutal.