New nurse: I get no respect

[Nurse326]

Hi all.

I recently started as a new grad in the ED, and as I've already expected and heard prior to going into that hospital-- there will be some nurse bullying and sure enough, there is.

I've been there for about a month now and I'm still precepting. So far I haven't had too many issues with the RN staff. I know there's a lot of cattyness and complaints about new grads but I've just ignored them. Aside from the RN staff, I feel like I'm getting most of the attitude from the ED techs. On several occasions, I felt like I was being pushed around because I'm so new.

I have always made an effort to be nice and say hello to anyone I'm around but I've been consistently ignored and treated as if I'm not there. On several occasions when I was watching a trauma come in, the techs would tell me to get this and that for them in a dismissive tone and not talk to me after that. I really don't mind getting equipment and helping out, but I felt like they were treating me as if I was beneath them. In that situation, I didn't feel like I had the choice to refuse or stand up for myself because I was just standing there observing.

On another occasion when I was giving an IV medication, the MD corrected me about something, and out of the corner of my eye, I saw the ED techs shaking their heads at each other and rolling their eyes. I could go on about other micro-aggressions, but most of it is going out of their way to ignore me and excluding me (ie, updating my preceptor on my patient's status even though I was assuming most of the care and I was right there, and still refusing to talk to me).

I feel like the obvious answer to this situation is to talk it out with them, but I feel like snapping back is also something I need to do for myself. I don't want to use the "I'm the RN and you're the tech and you need to respect me" argument because I feel like they should treat me with respect regardless of the position I'm in.

It's hard enough learning as a new grad in the ED. It's even harder when people around you are beating you down.

*Sigh* Has anyone had experience with this? How did you deal with it?

[she244]

Worked in the ER for 11 years and yes Techs and Nurses can be rude. My response to you is to be proud of what you have accomplished and what it took to become a Nurse. Let your management be it your Nurse Leader, Charge Nurse, Tech, CNA or even the Housekeeper that you are there to learn. When the Techs ask you to get things do so then stay and learn what they are doing. If asked to leave, next time they ask just look at them and smile and move on. You can get your point across without speaking a word. Asking people if they need help puts you in a position to learn procedures and observe techniques. Also the Nurses and Techs who are nice and willing to help to accept your help with also be willing to help you. Also let the Physicians know you are there to learn and be an asset to the Department. Do your Best and get your training and then move on. This is something you will face all your life as a Nurse. Unfortunately it is not the best field to work in where teamwork is always promised. Good Luck and Best Wishes to you!

[NursePoboy]

I get why some would throw in a cliche "respect is earned", but, does that mean no one gets respect unless it's earned? So you walk around disrespecting people who God forbid haven't earned your precious respect? You must be a joy to work with. To the OP, keep your head up. 7 months in the ED myself and I'm constantly having to prove myself, stick up for yourself when it really matters, be a team player, eventually people will see that even though you're new and inexperienced, that you're trustworthy and dependable.

[Sydryth, ASN, RN]

Nursing is like anything else, clickey. Try to learn from the ones that are more open and warming to you, and ignore the others. I have worked many aspects of nursing, including 5 years in 2 different ER's, I go into any new work environment and find out who the more social and open ones are to new people and learn how things are done at said facility from them, and not worry about the others; unless, they need help or ask for it. Eventually, you will become one of the family and they all will warm up to you and the heck with the ones that don't.. No matter where I go I let my work speak for me and if you don't like me, tough. I'm not there to establish outside friendships, I'm there to take care of patients.

I'm normally the well liked guy, but there has been a hand full of people in my career, that I didn't care for and nor did they me. No love loss here. So just put your best foot forward, take care of the patient/patients, and either your co-workers will warm up or not.

[Malenurse1235954]

Have you considered that unit might not be a good fit for you? Its hard to change the culture on a unit (especially as a new grad), but if you really want to stay it sounds like you will have to put up with some bullying and less that optimal training conditions.

[William2]

Got to earn your stars and stripes. I feel this is anywhere you go. I see it in ICU with our new grads as they must earn that trust and respect and we are able to see what type of nurse you are-a team player or loan wolf-. It is easier if there is a few new staff at the same time as you or you know someone/s that "have your back." Until then you have to put in the time to prove yourself. Bullying however is a different story.

[nursemcsleepy, BSN, RN]

Respect is earned, not given. You have to tough it out and prove yourself as a good nurse before anyone else sees you that way.

[NotYourMamasRN]

Hi OP,

This sounds EXACTLY like my first RN job experience, to a T. I am half tempted to ask you where you work, because our situations are that similar. I left the company and found an ER position I enjoyed much more in another hospital. ER nursing is stressful, especially as a new grad. But the environment you are describing is completely unacceptable and unprofessional. Unfortunately, it will exist to some degree everywhere, but where there is competent leadership and administration it is less of a problem. There are bad apples in every bunch. I agree with other posters that management's answers to these issues are a red flag.

[Nurse326]

To reiterate the type of 'respect' I am talking about-- I'm not talking about seeking admiration, approval, or even validity as a nurse (I mean come on, I know I'm brand new-- I'd be kidding myself).

I'm talking about BASIC human respect. The kind you'd (hopefully) give to a stranger. You don't even need to be friendly with me. If your baseline behavior towards new employees is disrespecting/insulting them, you might be the problem. Can you imagine being punished everyday simply for not being as experienced as your peers? It is unfathomable to me that anyone should have to EARN the right to not be disrespected.

Would it be acceptable for the cashier at the grocery store to shake their head and roll their eyes at you because you couldn't pull out your wallet fast enough? I mean, you haven't earned their respect or anything, so of course they can treat you that way, right? And how dare you for being shocked and bewildered when you experience such rudeness! I mean, God, you must be such a sensitive person-- grow a thicker skin already!

See how ridiculous that sounds?

[A.Robins]

First of all OP, I'm sorry you're going through that. I know being a new nurse is hard enough without people trying to undermine your confidence even more. The best advice I've read on this thread is to remain professional, despite how tempting it may be sometimes to roll your eyes at their behaviour (which I am guilty of doing sometimes once I turn away and can't be seen by anyone). Work with the technicians the best you can, asking them to help you while taking control of the situation, fostering a team attitude from your side, forcing them to either show how ****** they are when you are being professional, or start playing as more of a team player themselves. Don't fold and give in to their behaviour, but don't get aggressive yourself.

Second (having struck a sore point), there is nothing I hate more than this idea that new nurses should just suck it up and accept being belittled, or the idea that everyone has to earn respect initially. Earning back respect when you let someone down, maybe, but everyone unless proven otherwise should be afforded a basic level of respect in the vein of treating others as you'd like to be treated. We need to move away from this culture of nurses or coworkers eating their young. Yes, being a new nurse is hard, and to some extent that is a case of just grinning and bearing it, but it shouldn't be hard because of your coworkers MAKING it hard.

[bgxyrnf, MSN, RN]

So here's the thing...

When you are standing there watching, it is entirely appropriate to have someone direct you to obtain supplies... and that is how you learn where to find everything.

Bypassing you with updates is a bit punkish but is easily addressed by pleasantly saying, "oh, I'm managing that patient... could you say that again?"

"I'm the RN and you're the tech and you need to respect me" is patently false. They most certainly do not need to respect you and it's quite likely that they know substantially more about how to manage certain conditions than do you. Rather than trying to make a power play, it is wiser to solicit their opinions and guidance... not "where do I find?" but rather, "what would you suggest?"

Even as an experienced nurse - and a middle-aged man - I had to put up with some of this dismissive behavior and attitude at my last job and when I started the one that I have. As has been stated previously, respect is something that is earned *over time,* particularly in a fast-paced, specialized area like the ED.

To be certain, they are testing you out and getting a sense of you but, it doesn't sound terribly inappropriate... less than ideal, surely, but nothing serious.

Perhaps the best analogy that I can use is from back in the Vietnam war. When newbies would arrive in the platoon, they would be largely ignored and be assigned the most dangerous and dirty jobs. The logic was, "I don't know if you're going to be around long so there's no point in getting to know you... and I'm not assigning the vets to those jobs because they are too valuable to me."

You've been there for all of one month and you're not even out of orientation, let alone off of probation. Give it some time and EARN the credibility and respect that you're seeking. And for heaven's sake, keep your mouth shut and don't play the "I'm the nurse" card! It is certain to blow up in your face and lose you the respect not just of the techs but of the docs and the nurses, too.

It has been sung, "You can't hurry love, no you just have to wait..." and the same applies to this situation.

I've had an attending MD and a CT tech both tell me, "the turnover is so high that I don't even bother to learn the names of the nurses until they've been here for a year." (I felt good because I made it in under 6 months.)

[Nurse326]

When you are standing there watching, it is entirely appropriate to have someone direct you to obtain supplies... and that is how you learn where to find everything.

I don't have a problem with getting supplies. I have a problem with tone. There is a difference between "Could you get the supplies?" VS "Get me the supplies!".

You have been there for all of one month and you're not even out of orientation, let alone off probation. Give it some time and EARN the credibility and respect that you're seeking.

As I've said repeatedly, I am not the whiny new grad seeking validity and admiration. I'm asking for the BASIC respect you'd give to a stranger-- which is NOT to be RUDE. Is that hard?

And for heaven's sake, keep your mouth shut and don't play the "I'm the nurse" card! It is certain to blow up in your face and lose you the respect not just of the techs but of the docs and the nurses, too.

Excellent advice for someone who is actually playing that card. I don't know how it came off to you that I am actually using any sort of power play.

I'm under the impression you think it is permissible to be treated dismissively because you were treated the same way. I truly hope you are not an offender yourself, and if so, do everyone a favor and retire immediately.

[Wuzzie]

I don't have a problem with getting supplies. I have a problem with tone. There is a difference between "Could you get the supplies?" VS "Get me the supplies!".

I wasn't there so I don't really know what happened but one thing I can speak to is when I was in the ED and we were dealing with a trauma or a code we were very direct in our requests for equipment. There was no "would you", "could you" because there wasn't time. Equipment that was being requested was needed quickly and without discussion. Nobody was being rude but we were short and to the point and a new staff member who had never experienced a true life or death situation like that could very well be shocked and take aback by the communication style used. I ALWAYS spoke to our new staff members after and reassured them that they had done a good job and that they were not being yelled at. If I hadn't had a chance to speak to them prior to such an event I would also explain why we communicated the way we did (getting a message through in the middle of chaos) and once they understood it there were no more feelings of being disrespected. I can't speak to having any experience with the other scenarios (eye rolling and such) but I can tell you if I was in charge and I saw that going on I would have nipped it in the bud.