New nurse having a hard time with coworkers

Nurses Relations

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So I need some advice. I am new to my job...I've been off orientation for about 3 months. I'm an outgoing person and I've never had any issues getting along with others. Well I find that many of the other nurses at work have so much attitude and it seems like they are always judging or criticising me. I am not one to just let them step all over me and I opened my mouth a few times and say things like "why do you give me attitude" or "what do you have against me that you talk to me that way." The responses which I got were horrible and usually denial, which leaves me feeling bad abt what I said and wanting to apologize. I've never had to deal with issues like this and I need advice.

Specializes in POST PARTUM/NURSERY/L&D/WOMENS SERVICES.

Sharks in the water!! Welcome to the Lions den!

Seriously....some nurses are awful, and like to eat their young.

You are new, you are learning, and unfortunately you get to learn about human nature and evil people.

As a new nurse , and this goes for old nurses that are new to a different facility. People feel threatened by new people. Its crazy. The best way that I have found to integrate into a unit is not by acting like a know it all...but by approaching people with the attitude of ...You show me how you want me to do it. That way it leaves the control in their hands, and they are more receptive to your ideas when you make suggestions.

Seriously...even if you know what you are doing, let them think they are teaching you something....

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Specializes in Psych (25 years), Medical (15 years).
What if you meet like, one jerk a day? Then what are you?

A coworker once informed me, "We're either the jerk, or we have to put up with the jerk".

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Specializes in ICU.

Give it some time. I won't use the NETY phrase because everyone here hates it so much... but it wasn't until I hit about the 1 year mark at my current job that my coworkers became tolerable. Mine are famous for just about ignoring the new people to the point of being rude until you've been there a while, because they don't want to waste their time on you if you're just going to turn right around and leave.

Hmm, I wonder why people started leaving so quickly in the first place... :rolleyes:

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rrrrr

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If you meet one jerk, you've met a jerk. If almost everyone you meet is a jerk, you're the jerk. Perhaps it's time for some self reflection- the phrases you posted that you responded with aren't exactly the most polite and border on confrnotational.

I agree that I was confrontational, but that was after I was badgered by her over and over again. I have done plenty of self-reflection over this, trust me.

As a new nurse to a highly intense work place, and as more sensitive person, I cant understand why nurses feel the need to put down and give attitude to new nurses. I am a very friendly person by nature and never had any trouble getting along with others. Maybe its just that Im a private school kid and Im not used to the drama and toughness.

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Specializes in critical care ICU.

I've been bullied by my charge nurse. It's really disappointing and I hate when we share shifts. I try to steer clear and avoid interaction. HOWEVER, I have gotten some progress with her in asking for her advice on things and thanking her for helping me. She LOVES to feel valued. It sucks that I have to do this to get on her "good side" but I have to work with her. I don't see either of us leaving anytime soon so we have to work together. Sometimes it means swallowing some of my pride. Besides, she has taught me things, in her own weird and demoralizing way. Those things have improved my practice as a nurse. I just have to go and continue to do my job the best I can.

Now, you seem to be having this issue with multiple people which makes it more difficult. Some people still do the "nurses eat their young". They are testing you. It's WRONG but that's how I see what you are describing. Don't fight it. It will make it worse. Don't let them walk on you either. Just smile and thank them for the feedback and ask how they learned to do it. I am making progress with this charge nurse. We have our moments but 8 months later, it is starting to work.

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Specializes in CCU, SICU, CVSICU, Precepting & Teaching.
welcome to nursing honey!! I'm so sorry say, but I have been in your place for YEARS! I have been a nurse now for 10 years, was a CNA/CHHA about 5 years before that and did volunteer work and also taught swimming to children with disabilities for 14 years before that. I have been a punching bag for my co workers and bosses since I passed boards. Nursing is very catty and horrible to each other and its just plain SAD!!!! Instead of helping each other and learning from one another, they hate you if work hard, or don't follow their rules or if your heart is too gold, or if you were just plain raised to respect and have manners. I have been given a lovely hand of being born bipolar; which I didn't get diagnosed until 22 and starting nursing school; I only told the owner of that school because I had started meds and as a reward, the teacher, a nurse, told me I belonged locked up in a psych ward and to give up on my dream. Well, I showed her! But. I also never told a single person for the next 10 years about myself because I would have nurses say, "that person's so crazy, they must be bipolar!" Only one time did I say, "you guys know I am right? Bipolar" they would laugh and tell me I was funny. But through all my years I was constantly dealing with at least 5 nurses who bullied me for 1 that was great and a mentor. I finally had to take only temp positions so I didn't get caught in the drama. I pray you find a happy place, but you find its better to move around. If only nurses learned to work together and be in our patients best interest.

If you meet one jerk, you've met a jerk. If everyone you meet is a jerk, then you're the jerk.

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Specializes in CCU, SICU, CVSICU, Precepting & Teaching.
This is not always true. In situations of bullying, it's cultural to pick on a vulnerable person.

Actually it IS true. If you have trouble getting along with the majority of people you meet, you're the jerk. If everyone you meet "bullies" you, then you're a professional victim. Either way, self reflection and changing yourself is the only way to grow, and growth is the only way to turn this around.

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Specializes in CCU, SICU, CVSICU, Precepting & Teaching.
I agree that I was confrontational, but that was after I was badgered by her over and over again. I have done plenty of self-reflection over this, trust me.

As a new nurse to a highly intense work place, and as more sensitive person, I cant understand why nurses feel the need to put down and give attitude to new nurses. I am a very friendly person by nature and never had any trouble getting along with others. Maybe its just that Im a private school kid and Im not used to the drama and toughness.

Perhaps nurses don't "feel the need to put down and give attitude" to new nurses. Perhaps they feel the need to TEACH you so you can take the very best care of the patients. If you came in with the attitude that you already know it all (as your first post would hint at) they're just trying to deal with an unteachable new nurse.

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Perhaps nurses don't "feel the need to put down and give attitude" to new nurses. Perhaps they feel the need to TEACH you so you can take the very best care of the patients. If you came in with the attitude that you already know it all (as your first post would hint at) they're just trying to deal with an unteachable new nurse.

It is difficult to learn in a negative or predatory environment. Nurses that have a lot of experience should lead by example. The medical/nursing world is best approached with a spirit of humbleness. Whatever you know, there is someone who knows it better or does it better. We can all learn from the experienced and the inexperienced. The new nurses may not have all the knowledge, experience or time-management skills, nor are they able to apply everything they know appropriately, but they are learning up-to-date material that could challenge our way of thinking. Combine experience with new knowledge and what a win-win situation we have. Even medical residents and NP students are valued for the new information they bring. I recently met a physician that just came out of residency. All the experienced doctors were buzzing about her. Why? Because "she's going to bring new techniques that we don't know, because she was trained that way." I also heard an experienced physician say to a younger physician a few weeks ago, "you are younger, you need to teach me the new ways." He was dead serious. My respect for all these people rose by multiple degrees.

The biggest compliment a nurse can receive is to watch someone who they guided become a successful nurse!

One last thing. Some environments breed nurses who do not act professionally. They may not even intend to behave that way. Other environments (my recent experience) are so welcoming to new nurses, including them immediately, recognizing their arrivals, birthdays, etc., and actively looking for ways for them to be successful. The new nurse may be new to the profession or new to the unit. It does not matter. Inclusion becomes the culture of the unit.

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I sympathize with your difficulties. Some of the posts below have given you some helpful and constructive advice. Some of the replies have even been empathetic, but the comment that stood out most to me is that of Nurse___RN, BSN who said:

I have to disagree. There are nurses with some attitude, we have to as nurses. Don't we? We have to be able to stand up for our patients. But nursing is far from being catty and horrible.

No, "we" do not have to have attitude. Attitude is not a prerequisite for being an outstanding patient advocate; and attitude is most certainly not necessary, appreciated, or appropriate for any person working with anyone or anywhere, least of all a Registered Professional Nurse. I do not recall any of the courses or clinicals required to obtain my Bachelor of Science in Nursing teaching "attitude." Believing that as a nurse you have to be, or worse, are entitled to behave like a "b----" is pathetic.

Me93RN, please do not accept the mean-spirited nurses or their hateful comments as the status quo. Nursing is a very difficult job. Killing your coworkers with kindness (in a manner of speaking), asking for their advice, deferring to their judgment, recognizing that you are the low man on the totem pole, and exercising due respect and courtesy are all excellent suggestions. That being said, nursing generally requires you to be assertive, firm, and strong-willed and you should never have to tolerate anyone's belittling or bullying you, but being hateful and having an attitude is not the answer.

I apologize for butting in on this conversation uninvited. I also apologize if I was disrespectful to anyone, especially Nurse___RN, BSN, but nurses behaving hatefully and with attitude is toxic to this and any other profession. It only breeds negativity, arrogance, hurt feelings, and anger. I am certainly no angel and have had to watch my language as I type because I usually swear like a sailor. I have a gallows humor and very thick skin. I work in a Level 1 Trauma Center where gunshots are the leading cause of trauma. Social niceties are not in abundance, nor are happy endings, but having an attitude toward another nurse, doctor, patient, family member, etc. is not effective or necessary or professional, nor should it be tolerated.

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Don't ask perps questions. Asking questions gives them power. Make statements. Take responsibility for your feelings. "I feel like I'm being judged and criticized unfairly and inappropriately and I want it to stop. If you have a complaint with me, let's work it out. Otherwise I will need to utilize alternative methods to rectify this problem situation".

That is some soooouunnndd advice my friend.

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