New Grad feeling depressed, anxious and hopeless

Nurses Stress 101

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Hi everyone,

I still consider myself to be a new grad - I've been working in med/surg and orthopaedics since March 2014. All throughout nursing school, I always felt like I didn't deserve to be there; that I wasn't smart enough, hard-working enough or talented enough. Even though I passed all my clinicals and graduated with distinction, I still felt like I fell short of my classmates. Throughout nursing school and the past year as a new grad, it has both astounded and scared me how little I know and how much I have to learn - how can I feel competent to care for patients feeling this way?

My work related anxiety over the past year has been high and low at times - however, recently it has become almost paralyzing. Last month, I called in sick four times due to anxiety and stress related headaches. I've also developed terrible insomnia - I used to be able to fall asleep within minutes, if not seconds. I've just all of a sudden become terrified of the possibility that I could cause harm to a patient, either through something I've done (i.e. a med error) or something I haven't done (i.e. failing to assess a patient properly).

Any time I think about going into work I start to cry and my mind starts racing with all of the "what ifs" that could happen on a shift. I find the thought of day shifts especially anxiety provoking, as I usually have a team of 5 patients, which means 5 sets of assessments, vitals, meds, labs to check, doctors to deal with, etc. And the patients are so sick and dependent I never feel that I'm giving them the care they deserve, which makes me even more anxious and depressed.

I know that everything I've described is the bread and butter of bedside nursing - however, I know in my heart that med/surg nursing is not for me. It's my dream to work on a postpartum ward, and eventually in public health nursing. I am so, so passionate about health promotion and prevention but it seems so hard to get into public health without killing myself at the bedside for years...I just don't know what to do. I feel helpless, sad and anxious all the time. I've stopped exercising and seeing my friends because I have no desire to. I feel like I should be getting more confident as time goes on, but I feel the opposite...I feel like my fellow new grads are getting more confident, and I'm becoming more and more fearful and anxious :( I never, ever felt depressed or hopeless before nursing and it makes me feel like a failure. I feel like I wasted my three years in nursing school to become an RN...even though I do love being able to help patients, I don't know how much longer I can do this for...I just feel like I'll never know what I'm doing because I'm crippled with anxiety. Is is really worth it to suffer this way?

I believe that if you take one step at a time, you could become a great public health nurse OR med surg nurse. Give yourself as many breaks as you can right now, reach out to your family and friends, and also reflect on the reasons that you are motivated to be a nurse in general, a public health nurse, and postpartum nurse. Don't believe people who say that you need year(s) of bedside nursing to achieve the position that you want, because you never know what can happen if you explore your options, do your research, and network. :)

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Why did you feel like you didn't deserve to be in nursing school, and that you weren't smart enough? You obviously were because you made it!

It sounds like you are being your own worst enemy, and being really hard on yourself. Try to make sure to love yourself and go in each day and know that you're going to do the best you can with your resources.

Also medsurg is SOO stressful and some measure of anxiety is normal. I've been doing it for 5 years and it still stressed me out . I do take an antidepressant, have been on it since nursing school (yeah...go figure) but anyway it has helped me to just calm my brain down a little so I could think clearer and not have so much anxiety .

Good luck to you. Best wishes.

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Specializes in Med nurse in med-surg., float, HH, and PDN.

I, too, was very reluctant about taking medications for the depression I'd had for quite a long time without even realizing it. In fact, when my doc ventured the opinion that my problems sounded more like depression than anything else was, "I'm not depressed!" Then I saw an as on TV that listed the s/s of depression and I realized I had all of them but one.

The doc explained to me that treating depression with a med or meds was just like treating diabetes or anything else of that sort of thing, ie hypothyroidism, etc. You can try to do the diet, exercise route and it will work to a degree, but if it is an imbalance, it won't be 'cured' on its own.

Once I found the right medication, and it did take several tries, I no longer felt in the grip of something over which I had 'no control'.

I am able to function without feeling panicked in my head. Stuff previously debilitating, though I was able to 'hide it',has lost its power over my day-to-day life.

I can not tell you what a relief it is to know that I have a completely legitimate and time-tested way to bring my life back into the realm of normalcy.

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Specializes in Tele, ICU, Staff Development.

My heart goes out to you. You are not alone! Many, many of us have experienced anxiety, depression, and self-doubt at different times. When you feel this way, you really can't trust your own negative thoughts.

This isn't about your competency as a nurse. It's about getting treatment and finding your nursing niche.You already know what that niche is :) and it's not not MedSurg!

Best of luck, nurse friend. Rooting for you!

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I agree with the others that it sounds like you're depressed, which is making everything seem negative. I've been there. I can't say enough for therapy and/or medication. Also hope you'll make an appointment to see your PCP-sounds like you're a very caring nurse to your pts. but not taking such great care of yourself.

We all care about you & hope you're feeling better soon.

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Throughout nursing school and the past year as a new grad, it has both astounded and scared me how little I know and how much I have to learn - how can I feel competent to care for patients feeling this way?

What has been helpful for me is to continue working on increasing my knowledge of the medical conditions, medical care, and nursing care common to med-surg patients. This takes time; it is a process. To begin with, I would be asking myself: "What do I need to know/be competent at doing, in order to provide safe, effective, nursing care to my patients?"

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Specializes in Registered Nurse.

I'm truly overwhelmed with all the thoughtful and supportive comments from everyone...I have definitely always been my own harshest critic, and I think that's one of the biggest contributors to my anxiety and feelings of depression and hopelessness.

I'm just going to try and take things one day at a time, seek appropriate care from my PCP, and work on pursuing my true passions of postpartum/public health nursing.

Thank you again to everyone - you are all wonderful! I can truly say that the support, kindness and well wishes I received after writing this posting have made me feel a lot more hopeful :)

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Specializes in Pediatric Hematology/Oncology.

You definitely need someone to talk to, at least to bounce things off of them. Keep seeing that therapist. It didn't take a few weeks for you to start feeling this way so it's not going to take a few visits to fix it. Also, sometimes medicine just helps you to get out of that feedback loop that lets your thoughts continue to bring you down. Just to stop "feeling the feels" for a second so you can adjust and see things without your brain interfering with the negative habits that have started to entrench themselves in your mind. It's a hard go. I know what that feeling is like. Don't be afraid to ask for help and keep it pushin'. Good luck! ;)

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Specializes in CVOR, CVICU/CTICU, CCRN.
I believe that if you take one step at a time, you could become a great public health nurse OR med surg nurse. Give yourself as many breaks as you can right now, reach out to your family and friends, and also reflect on the reasons that you are motivated to be a nurse in general, a public health nurse, and postpartum nurse. Don't believe people who say that you need year(s) of bedside nursing to achieve the position that you want, because you never know what can happen if you explore your options, do your research, and network. :)

^^ This (emphasis mine). If Med-Surg is slowly killing you, get out as soon as you can land another offer. But don't ignore the advice to seek assistance! All the best of luck to you!

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Specializes in cardiac/education.

OP: sent you a PM

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Specializes in ED.

My advice is to possibly look for a job elsewhere in another specialty (postpartum possibly)...you earned your one year of med surge experience which looks awesome on your resume. Med surge isn't for everyone so find what fits YOU and makes YOU happy. And when you're at work and you start to feel stressed, go to the med room or somewhere quiet and take a breather, clear your head and gather your thoughts. Never give up on yourself and remember that what doesn't kill you makes you stronger.

Best of luck!!:)

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Hello.

1st and foremost you've taken a good first step by reaching out on the board - so kudos.

I think your next step should be to get a mentor at the hospital - someone you can talk to that knows exactly what your going through b/c they too have experienced the same.

I personally refuse to take prescriptions for a variety of reasons - especially ones that affect brain chemistry.

Your sub conscious and body are telling you something is not right and it needs to be addressed in a manner that will produce long term, long lasting results and IMO medication is not the answer. Yes, for some, meds can be helpful in the short term but for me they are a bandaid to a greater issue.

I personally feel that your problem is rooted in control - especially the fear of being out of control. Control is an illusion and there is no possible way to prepare for every scenario. I felt the exact same way as you did when I was in flight school, difference being it was my life on the line not someone else's.

I would strongly urge you to attend yoga, which I find to be extremely helpful in relaxing the body but when done in conjunction with meditation the mind as well. Meditation has changed my life so much, really helped me to gain a greater perspective, control my mind, unlock my hided fears, hopes, etc. A lot of people connect mediation with a religion but it doesn't have to be that way - so if your of a specific faith, your not "cheating" on your God. After all Christ himself refers to this time and time again yet no one realizes what he is talking about. I personally prefer thought control mediation. This is a practice of controlling your thoughts by allowing them to come up but pass without chasing each one down. You can get to a point of absolute quite in your mind eventually, this is where the break thru's come! I know to some it sounds out there but I couldn't live with out it.

Best of luck!

Therefore do not be anxious about tomorrow, for tomorrow will be anxious for itself. Sufficient for the day is its own trouble."

- the Buddhist's call this living in the present moment! -

P.S. - realize your health is a product of your own thoughts, and that your in absolutely control of those thoughts though it may not seem to be the case. What you think will manifest itself in the tangible world.

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