New Grad feeling depressed, anxious and hopeless

Nurses Stress 101

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Hi everyone,

I still consider myself to be a new grad - I've been working in med/surg and orthopaedics since March 2014. All throughout nursing school, I always felt like I didn't deserve to be there; that I wasn't smart enough, hard-working enough or talented enough. Even though I passed all my clinicals and graduated with distinction, I still felt like I fell short of my classmates. Throughout nursing school and the past year as a new grad, it has both astounded and scared me how little I know and how much I have to learn - how can I feel competent to care for patients feeling this way?

My work related anxiety over the past year has been high and low at times - however, recently it has become almost paralyzing. Last month, I called in sick four times due to anxiety and stress related headaches. I've also developed terrible insomnia - I used to be able to fall asleep within minutes, if not seconds. I've just all of a sudden become terrified of the possibility that I could cause harm to a patient, either through something I've done (i.e. a med error) or something I haven't done (i.e. failing to assess a patient properly).

Any time I think about going into work I start to cry and my mind starts racing with all of the "what ifs" that could happen on a shift. I find the thought of day shifts especially anxiety provoking, as I usually have a team of 5 patients, which means 5 sets of assessments, vitals, meds, labs to check, doctors to deal with, etc. And the patients are so sick and dependent I never feel that I'm giving them the care they deserve, which makes me even more anxious and depressed.

I know that everything I've described is the bread and butter of bedside nursing - however, I know in my heart that med/surg nursing is not for me. It's my dream to work on a postpartum ward, and eventually in public health nursing. I am so, so passionate about health promotion and prevention but it seems so hard to get into public health without killing myself at the bedside for years...I just don't know what to do. I feel helpless, sad and anxious all the time. I've stopped exercising and seeing my friends because I have no desire to. I feel like I should be getting more confident as time goes on, but I feel the opposite...I feel like my fellow new grads are getting more confident, and I'm becoming more and more fearful and anxious :( I never, ever felt depressed or hopeless before nursing and it makes me feel like a failure. I feel like I wasted my three years in nursing school to become an RN...even though I do love being able to help patients, I don't know how much longer I can do this for...I just feel like I'll never know what I'm doing because I'm crippled with anxiety. Is is really worth it to suffer this way?

Specializes in Rehabilitation,Critical Care.

You have to have a channel to put all your concerns. WRITE IT DOWN AND LEAVE IT THERE. You are not the only one that can harm a patient, all of us as we step on that hospital floor or wherever we work as nurses can have a circumstance that we can harm a patient. BUT this is the nature of our job and you have to think that through your compassion, excellence, and experience, you will get this patient back to a condition where he or she was before he or she had the sickness. It's the hard truth stop denying it. Why did you become a nurse?

I wish you the best!!

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Specializes in Critical Care.

Just curious, did something happen to trigger the increased anxiety such as a near miss or crashing patient that has you second guessing yourself more now than before?

Anxiety and depression are common in nursing and many of us have shared our struggle and in some cases it is triggered by the job or at least the work environment. Confidence comes with time as so much learning is on the job.

I would consider taking medications to help you function and continue with therapy. As others have said it doesn't have to be forever. I once had panic attacks that were disabling. It started with a conflict with my roommate who reminded me of an abusive family member. It got to the point that I couldn't sleep and if I did I would have nightmares. I broke down and went to the Dr and was put on xanax and got some therapy. I was only on the xanax for like six weeks. In that time I also changed my living situation and moved out so I no longer had to deal with that person. The combination of meds and therapy made a world of difference and I've never had the situation repeat itself.

That said I've found nursing to be very stressful and emotionally as well as physically difficult. I did have anxiety as a new nurse for a quite a few years, till finally I calmed down and started to have some confidence in my abilities. In the mean time I dealt with it by finding a fellow nurse I could trust to help if I had a problem with my patient or a question. It helps if you have a friend that has your back and will support you, guide you, teach you and build you up. I know that is easier said than done and not everybody is that fortunate, but be open to any supportive coworkers you find along the way! You don't have to confide all your struggles, just keep your eyes open for coworkers that could be a good resource. For instance some people are great with codes, emergencies, some are great with IV's so get to know your coworkers so you can all help each other.

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Specializes in Postpartum, Med Surg, Home Health.

OP, I feel for you! I just started in MedSurg/Tele a month ago, and I know it is not for me either! I always knew I didnt want to be in med surg, but like you, I am trying to get the experience so that I can move to post partum. I love taking care of my pts and I love educating them and I can handle all the stress and craziness of having my pt load, BUT when the pts deteriorate or become unstable then I get anxious and worried that I am not doing the right thing, ugh I hate the feeling!!! Its soo powerful!

My dear, You are BURNED OUT!! Please find another job, do not stay here any longer; you already have your 1 year of experience and that is plenty! Dont start taking meds yet, I think once you get the job you want, you will feel the stress lift off of you, and with that your mood will change. I dont believe in taking depression meds if your JOB is what is causing the issue..thats not healthy, in this case one should seek a job they love and can handle. Not everyone is meant for acute bedside care....nursing is such a wide field there are sooo many possiblities! I worked in public health (Home Health for PACE program, its a program for the elderly), and it has its own stresses, but its definitely a slower pace than acute because the pts are not so acutely ill. I myself and aiming for post partum and praying I get there soon! Keep us updated in what you do!

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Wow.... Threads like these are why I love AllNurses :) So much support and advice going to the OP!

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Specializes in Registered Nurse.

Curious1alwys, I tried to reply to your PM but apparently I have to have "15 quality postings" in order to send PMs back so that they can verify I'm not a robot or something? :blink:

I won't reply in too much detail here, and will send my PM reply as soon as the site allows, but I just want to say thank you SO much for your message. I feel like I could have written it myself...I agree with every single thing you said. Hoping I can reply soon as I had so much to say in return - for now, just know that we are definitely on the same page. Will keep everyone posted on my progress for whoever's interested. xo

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Specializes in Registered Nurse.

-- deleted post

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Specializes in psych, addictions, hospice, education.
I really want to avoid the medication route if I can...not that I pass judgment on anyone who utilizes medication to assist with mental health issues. It's just that I don't want to become reliant on anything in order to get me through every single shift.

I guess I have some thinking to do :unsure:

Would you be resistant to taking medication for hypertension or diabetes or any other condition, even though you needed it? Please rethink your thinking about mental health medications, if your doctor says they could help you...

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Stop thinking about it. Seriously. You are over thinking every little thing and it isn't necessary. 'Analysis Paralysis'.

What you need is:

1) Sleep

2) good diet

3) exercise

maniac highs and depressive lows are normal in the cycle of living for humans even if we don't tend to classify it like this. In fact, we cyclically get manic and grandiose, and then crash and burn back to reality (follow the stock market?).

Things will get better. Every new grad feels the way you do and they all over come and find there niche. YOU NEED THIS MED SURG experience!

i know this is harder to do then type, but I've been in your shoes, didn't want the med route, and worked through it.

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Specializes in TCU, Post-surgical, Infection Prevention.

Paxil is horrible and has lingering side effects (12 years later).

I understand your relutance to medicate. It is a long term committment and the side efffects are no joke.

I found with my anxiety, I just tell myself "If you've done all you can do anie10, then you've done all you can do." Repeating this over and over has helped me to calm myself down in scenarios that I would have never imagined this technique successful.

I hope you get what you need.

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I feel a very strong urge to help you! I recently went through some horrible experiences with medicine and totally understand how you feel. I went off all medicine and started using a natural supplement called sam e I get it through Swanson vitamins for 15 per month. I have went now 4 months and am doing awesome. I think sometimes we get overwhelmed and everything in life becomes overshadowed by the fact were anxious. until your happy with yourself you will not be happy with any job! I will tell you it takes about a week to work but zero side affects. Hope this helps.

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Specializes in Registered Nurse.

Wb808, I definitely agree that I can get paralyzed by my anxiety a lot of the time. I've booked an appointment with a different therapist for this week, and am hoping to work with them to think more positively, stop over analyzing things, and to decrease my fear about situations that I have little to no control over.

Anie10, thank you for your understanding re: medication usage. I have always been able to tackle anxiety/depression issues in the past with good nutrition, sleep and exercise, and would really like to try and use them again to get myself out of this situation. And thank you for sharing the phrase that helps you when you're anxious - I might try it out :)

Shana0, thank you for your post as well. I so agree with you - I think that once I'm happier with myself (i.e. back on track with my normal routine of treating my body well), I might be able to find happiness in my job again. I've been eating well and exercising these past few days, and I find it easier to remember all the things that I do love about bedside nursing, as well as some of the wonderful experiences I've had over the past year.

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Specializes in Med nurse in med-surg., float, HH, and PDN.

We all know everyone reacts differently to different meds.

Paxil did not work well for you, anie 10, but it has saved me by controlling long term Clinical Depression well and helped me return my life to 'normal' and more than just tolerable. I take 40 mg. q AM and sometimes during the SAD 'season' I take something additional to help me for those 4-6 months, particularly if there are additional stressors during that time.

I have tried 5 other meds over a 25 year period of time, but Paxil has kept me 'off the ceiling' and not feeling so overwhelmed and oppressed by the daily trials and tribulations all humans go through to one degree or another in a normal life span.

I have equanimity, which to me is such an enormous relief, and is priceless.

I have not had any side effects and don't expect to go through a 'withdrawal' because, like you said, taking meds is a commitment. To me it is just like someone taking meds for ^BP or treating diabetes. (neither of which I have.)

I had tried all the touted natural supplements for my condition before I finally agreed that something pharmaceutical might be the route to take for me.

Whatever works for each individual is the way to go; sometimes it takes a while to hit on the right 'thing', be it meditation, yoga, natural supplements, therapy or medication.

But nowadays there is no reason to have to continue to be at the mercy of anxiety and depression. Sometimes it can be a short-term treatment, sometimes a lifestyle change, but there is something out there for everyone. A person just has to arrive at the point where they say to themselves "Enough. I want and deserve to feel better."

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