Need to vent...

[strings85]

So my mother has been in the hospital since Saturday night. They have done a few ekg's, an echo, an ultrasound, ct scan, stress test, etc. and found she had fluid surrounding her left lung. They did a procedure to remove it yesterday and sent it down to the lab. Let me tell you, my mother is a nurse's nightmare! She is constantly crabby, short, and just overall rude to pretty much all the staff there (i'll get back to her in a second.)

The pt. Next to her was an old lady, not fully aware of what was going on, but aware enough to know basic stuff (like if she was hungry, or cold, or needed to go to the bathroom, etc.) Anyway this little old lady had a male RN providing for her, and I really couldn't believe how inconsiderate he was. When she needed a diaper change, which seemed to be like every hour, he would come and do it. The problem is, is that she stated VERY clearly that she wasn't comfortable with him doing it. But he did it anyway. Also, when moving her, he seemed very rough with her (she weighed no more than 100lbs, and he was pulling 250 easilly.) Her privacy was never respected, and walking by I ended up seeing her nude more times than I can count. I even walked in to the room while she was getting a diaper change, and the nurse didnt even bother closing the curtains. I ended up closing them, but he just opened them as soon as I did.

Now the problem I have with my mom is that after seeing this she has automatically generalized all male nurses to be like this man. And is not quiet about it. I just about died yesterday, when her nurse came in and said her shift was ending and that "chris" will be taking over. This was her response. "a man? I hate male nurses. He is NOT touching me." I was so embarassed, and I could see the shocked look on the RN's face. I'm really not surprised though. My mother is a very blunt woman, and she's sick so I understand her frustration about being there in general.

I guess what I'm wondering is have you experienced a patient like my mother? How did you handle it? How would you handle an extreme personality like hers? I told her that she would be my nightmare patient, and she just laughed it off, but I'm so serious.

Also, what would you do if you saw the treatment the other patient was getting? I feel really bad that I didn't speak up (that isnt like me at all.) I know it's probably frustrating, as a man, to be told that someone isn't comfortable with you doing certain things. But shouldn't you just brush it off? These aren't animals, they are people, and we need to respect their wishes, regardless of how it makes you feel.

Sorry, just needed to rant. It has been a looooong weekend.

[BostonFNP, APRN]

That is awful.

I think I would have either spoken to him directly about it or stopped by the NM office and given my impression. It could be that he doesn't even understand how he is coming off and needs to be reminded.

So sorry your mom had to witness this.

[strings85]

That is awful.

I think I would have either spoken to him directly about it or stopped by the NM office and given my impression. It could be that he doesn't even understand how he is coming off and needs to be reminded.

So sorry your mom had to witness this.

Yeah I think I will say something today after my mother wakes up. Most of the nurses here are really nice. I've been here for 3 days now so I'm starting to get to know the staff. I keep apologizing to them for my mother. She is usually a pleasant person, but I guess when you find out you have liver disease and congestive heart failure you might be a bit bitter for a while as well....

[CrunchRN, ADN, RN]

Please so say something to the NM. The male nurse needs to get his act together.

[nurse2033, MSN, RN]

He's not a Male Nurse, he's a nurse who happens to be male. He needs to be held to the same standard as any nurse. It sounds like he is rude, rough, and not following the Standards of Care. You should write down some specific examples of his behavior and speak to the boss. Hope your Mom gets better soon.

[CrunchRN, ADN, RN]

It is just a "nurse" no matter which gender acting like that is not ok............

[strings85]

It is just a "nurse" no matter which gender acting like that is not ok............

I know this. But I specified which gender because of the circumstances. And how after my mother witnessed a nurse, who is male, treat their patient that way, she did not want care from a nurse, who was male.

[CrunchRN, ADN, RN]

I got that. And your mom could have felt that way about male nurses before that or maybe only when she saw that. I guess my point would be that I feel we should accommodate when possible those preferences, and in this case specifically your mothers request.

My point though was that this type of behavior can happen with any gender nurse and needs to be addressed because it is unacceptable no matter what gender.

[strings85]

I got that. And your mom could have felt that way about male nurses before that or maybe only when she saw that. I guess my point would be that I feel we should accommodate when possible those preferences, and in this case specifically your mothers request.

My point though was that this type of behavior can happen with any gender nurse and needs to be addressed because it is unacceptable no matter what gender.

Yeah I agree. Just so you know though, I wasn't trying to say this just happened with men in nursing. I was just talking about this instance.

[bebbercorn]

First of all, I hope your Mom gets better. Secondly, I agree with previous posters about talking to the NM. I don't care what gender you are, treating patients with respect and guarding their privacy is all of our duties. You could simply say to NM I witnessed XYZ and do not want this nurse taking care of my mother... wouldn't hurt to add that you are a nurse and appalled at the treatment!!!

[anotherone, BSN, RN]

Being a man has nothing to do with it. I have seen plenty of male and femqle nurses completely opposite from what you described.As a logical person i know that but most people seem to be lacking in that. If a pt says they do not want male caregivers on my floor we tend to follow that BUT i do not know the legalities of that with regards to gender discrimination.

As for pts that act as you describe your mom, i kill them with kindness, most of them love it. Or i completely ignore their comments. I go in tell them what i am there for and that is it. They can agree or refuse . , or turn their sarcastic, rude phrases back on them by using their phrases. ( rarely if ever done at work as this can really set some off) . Some shifts most pts are like this so as a nurse or in any customer service job you just learn to ignore this. rarely affects me. i am only there 13 hrs! The killing them with kindness or not feeding into them when they are yelling etc works on most people.

[RNdynamic]

Unless that nurse becomes your mother's nurse and starts providing poor care, you have no business telling his manager about what you've seen him do with a different patient who has nothing to do with you. There might be a reasons for his actions that you as an outsider are not aware of.