Need to vent. Don't know what to do with my life :(

Genista, BSN, RN · Jun 25, 2003

It's too bad your parents can't support your educational goals. Have you tried rationalizing with them? Have you had a real heart to heart talk with your parents?

If you are at least 18 yrs old, maybe you should consider moving out and supporting yourself. Yes, I know it's hard. I moved out at age 19.There are likely other nursing students here in the same boat as you.

Sneaking through your parents personal financial info isn't the answer. I know plenty of people who worked part time while going to school, myself included. Colleges often have bulletin boards or lists of other students who are looking for roommates to split the rent. Talk to the financial aid department at school and see if they have any scholarships as well.

As long as you remain a dependent & accept free room & board from your parents, it will be up to them to decide how much they will help you with school. If you cannot convince them to help with your dream of attending nursing school, then you are out of luck. You will have to abide by their wishes as long as you are dependent. On the other hand, you may decide that you are an adult now, and find a way to make it happen for yourself by moving out on your own. It is hard, but it's part of growing up.

Good luck.

dsczephyr · Jun 25, 2003

I agree with Kona2 - don't sneak through your parents financial affairs.

There are ways around this: talk to your nursing advisor (they often deal with these types of issues and can give you insight on how to handle it, talk to your school's financial aid office about your situation. There are grants and scholarships out there, someone just needs to point you in the right direction and show you how to go about gaining access to them. Go to student services and hunt down the academic advisement office, get their advice on what to do.

If the school has a dorm, make arrangements for the following semester. You will have to work closely with the school to get the financial arrangements in order, but that's why grants and scholarships exist.

I am frankly surprised at the attitude of your parents. Their beliefs are so inaccurate. You don't say why they are so prejudiced, but what you described is something out of the early 1700's when nurses were typically prostitutes and nursing was indeed the lowest form of labor. Thankfully, it has come light years since then.

I am a graduate nurse taking the NCLEX in a few days. I can tell you that I have received nothing except respect from others. Don't believe what your parents tell you. They have somehow bought into a lie. And you need to get out of an environment that is poisonous to the goal of becoming a nurse. If nursing is in your heart, go for it.

I wish you well.

kbstudent · Jun 25, 2003

Am so sorry that your parents are not supporting you in your career goals. I am assuming that you are just starting college. Are there community colleges where you live?? This is a less expensive option. Start taking your general ed and pre-req courses to get them out of the way. I am in a two year program at a community college. This was the only way I would be able to afford my goal.

Your parents should be glad that you are choosing such a respected career. If this is truly what you want, find a way to do it. Check out all avenues of scholarships, grants, etc.

May I ask, what do your parents want you to be?? Just wondering. Good luck to you.

Cynthiann · Jun 25, 2003

I would definitely look into taking classes at a community college since it is so much cheaper. For me to do pre-reqs and go through the nursing program at my school, the total will be about a third of what you will be paying in one year.

It's so unfortunate how unsupportive your parents are being. And being so young you won't be considered independent until you turn 24, get married, or have kids. I, too, am wondering why your parents look down so much on nurses. Well, if you do eventually get the fafsa filled out I would still go through with it because you can still can qualify for loans even if you don't get any grants. It's not like a personal where they do a credit check. As long as you fill the fafsa and are a student you should be able to get it.

Like others said, go to your school and speak to someone about your situation and they may be able to find a way to help you. Where there is a will there is a way, I've seen many people live on their own and pay for their school out of their own pocket. Let us know how it goes.

ST_NURSE_MLD · Jun 25, 2003

MJ-12... You have gotten some really good advice from posters. It seems to me that you have come to a point in your life where you are faced with making a major decision. These things happen all the time, you are not the only one. Is it time for you to take the advice that is healthy; then, step out on a limb?

The posters mentioned several different options, review them and write them down. Then, decide "your" course of action.

Remember, the big issue is that you are making a sound decision. These are the experiences that you grow from. It's not whether it is a good or bad decision; just the fact that you are progressing every time you make them.

Also, parents LOVE their children; they may not like his/her decisions. But, they will always LOVE their children. Time takes care those feelings of frustration.

Hope this has helped. Take care and keep us posted...

renerian, BSN, RN · Jun 25, 2003

Why are your parents needed to do the FAFSA? My kids did theirs????

renerian

NancyRN · Jun 25, 2003

Can you work your way through LPN school? Then when you get a job as a nurse, you can take classes for RN, if that's your goal. Hospitals do have tuition reimbursement but you have to work full time ( hard to work full time and go to nursing school).

NancyRN · Jun 25, 2003

renerian, she needs her parents tax info for her FAFSA. I sympathize because my son had this problem when his dad couldn't be bothered ( didnt object , just promised to get the tax forms and didn't ). My son's loans were late being approved and some of his classes were filled.

renerian, BSN, RN · Jun 25, 2003

That is true on the tax information. As far as getting help we have little money, four kids in college and could get no help as far as pell grants and such. Could you get a job and get out on your own? Don't let someone control what you want to do? You could get into a facility work as a CNA and they would pay for your school. My son took an STNA class, got hired by a hospital. He has to work there a year then they will pay for his nursing school. Find a way around it.

Being sneaky, you could always say your changing your major to get their tax information. Once you have it change your major.

Sounds awful but as a parent I would never try to tell my children what they will do with their life, it is their choice.

renerian

colleen10 · Jun 25, 2003

Hi MJ,

I am so sorry for you and your predicament. It does appear that you do have many avenues you can take to fullfill your dream of going to nursing school, even though you may not believe it right now.

My understanding after getting grants, loans, etc. when I got my BS via State University and now that I am going back for an Ass. in Nursing via CC is that you need that FAFSA to apply for grants and even educational loans.

Even if you are not able to receive a grant, which you do not have to pay back, you will still be eligible to take out an educational loan at a low interest rate. But, I believe you must have that FAFSA filled out or else you would have to declare that you are independant and receive absolutely no help what-so-ever from your parents.

A woman I worked with has a daughter who had to proove that she did not get any help from her mother and father who were divorced and not assisting her in any way with college expenses. I know it was a lengthy, aggrivating and paper filled process to do it.

First, I would go back to the financial aid office and explain your situation to them. Don't be embarrassed. They have seen lots of people come in in the same predicament as you.

If you absolutely must have your parents fill out your FAFSA my only suggestion is to lie to them and tell them that you are majoring in something else. Your first few years at any institution are mainly filled with the basic classes like History, Math, Chem, Bio., Lit., etc. so they won't be able to tell based on the classes you are taking.

There are many other ways to gain an education as an RN other than a Private School. Depending on where you live you may be able to go through a 2 year community college (cheaper than Private or state schools), Hospital Based Program (they may pay for your education in exchange for you promising to work there after you pass your licensing exam), "Ladder" program like Renerian was talking about where you work your way up to become an RN while the facility you work at pays for your education.

Please do not loose hope just yet. You still have some options open to you.

On another note, your parents sound very immature and controlling. I'm not sure what they believe is a suitable career for you and even if they do have their reasons for not liking Nursing, that does not give them the right to degrade and be-little you with statements like "my kids are going to hate me, i'm going to go to hell, never get married, get no respect from anyone. "

My advice on this issue is that you are probably better off leaving home, whether it be to go to the private school under the guise of another major or moving out on your own. Even though you are their child, you are now an adult and deserve to be treated with some dignity and respect.

I also wanted to add, and I tell this to every new high school student and college student, please, seriously think about how much money you will take out as a loan for your education. Remember, that it will need to be paid back whether you have a job or not, have a family or not, have other expenses or not. Consider loans wisely.

marilynmom, LPN, NP · Jun 25, 2003

Everyone has given you some great advice. I would not lie to your parents though, might come back to haunt you. But you can do this if you really want to...there are *many* ways to pay for school such as a part time job, scholarships, etc. Look into a 2 year college to get your basic classes out of the way like anatomy, chem, micro, etc That will save you a LOT of money. I know when I first started college many years ago I paid for it *all* myself with a part time job. Some 2 year schools have it so you can pay your tuition out over the semester.

Good luck!

M