Need a vent -- disabled parking

[DolceVita, ADN, BSN, RN]

Sorry this is a little long and unwieldy.

You know I don't look, at first, like I have any kind of disability or limitations. I work very hard to maintain my posture and not limp or stoop. Now, I do have a disabled parking permit. Have done for years. Some woman in my class saw that I parked in disabled and has taken it upon herself to start making smart orificed remarks in front of me such as:

that isn't parking for mentally disabled

you shouldn't be parking there you don't look disabled

Not only that, she has drawn the attention of my entire class to this by suggesting to other people in the class that I am using someone else's disable permit (they have mentioned it to me).

So last night I am walking to my car with a friend from class (who happens to know about my condition and how it affects me). This woman tags along and when we stop at my car -- I just knew she was going to say something -- I wish I had lagged behind to avoid a confrontation. Then off she goes..."do you mind if I ask why you park there?". Finally the woman is direct! Now, frankly I do mind that she knows. So I just said, "I have a disability that qualifies me for a disabled parking permit". Then she makes the same remark, "It's not for mentally disabled ya' know". I confess I nearly lost the plot.

So I asked if she was suggesting that I was parking there illegally. She starts going on about some friend of hers that uses someone else's parking permit (or something like that) and how it "isn't right". I lit up like a Christmas tree. Essentially I told her that I was sick of her assassinating my character amongst our classmates by suggesting this and that the remarks about being"mentally disabled" weren't funny, but mean and upsetting. I also invited her to take my permit number, lift the phone and call the Dept. of Transportation to report me -- if she really felt that I was doing this illegally or the shut up about it...permanently.

Then I got in my car and burst into tears -- like a big baby. I hate letting people upset me like that!

This had been brewing for weeks since she first saw me parking at clinical and now I am embarrassed that I lost it -- I feel incredibly defensive. From the first time I met this woman I was wary of her (she has a remark for everything). She is not the sort of person I would do anything but keep at arms length. The problem is we are a small class and an even smaller clinical group. Even before she made the remarks about parking I seemed to be in her sights -- 1st day in skills lab she called me retarded because I couldn't find her brachial pulse (so we were off to a great start).

I have never been the thin skinned sort. In fact quite the opposite. I don't mind joking around with people or even sending myself up. What I do know is when someone is joking versus being unpleasant. Thus far I have worked really hard to ignore her jibes in class. What I find odd is she always makes these remarks in front of other people. When we have been one-on-one she never says anything unpleasant.

I have fairly severe arthritis affecting my spine, sacroiliac, shoulders and hips -- thankfully not peripheral joints. I've had it since I was 18 yo (some 20+ years). Apart from a great deal of chronic pain and perpetual fatigue you would never know I had anything wrong with me unless you observed me quite closely -- e.g. I've lost nearly all ROM in my neck.

Generally speaking I don't divulge this information classmates at NS or employers. I consider it private and no one's business. I keep myself as healthy as I can and have learned a multitude of strategies to manage pain so I rarely need to take a narcotic for pain (they kill the pain but I can't stand how they affect me otherwise).

I am not ashamed of the condition but I am VERY aware of how people judge well in advance of obtaining information and I am well aware that in our relatively small community, where I intend to work as a nurse, this sort of info can affect job prospects. I know it shouldn't but we all know it can and does.

Still I feel like an orifice. I have three more semesters of this woman. My heart sank when we were assigned the same clinical. Seriously I just want to be completely ignored by her. I am sure class today will be a complete treat.

[Purple_Scrubs, BSN, RN]

So sorry this happened to you It sounds to me like this person will end up digging her own grave with her comments. She will end up looking like the fool, and probably already does to many astute people. It does concern me a bit that someone like this is going to be a nurse! How on earth will she treat her patients if she treats classmates so poorly!

[llg, PhD, RN]

Of course ... You are right and the other woman is WRONG.

Unfortunately however, you may have to take the initiative to put a stop to her harassment. While you should not have to disclose anything to anybody, it might be wise for you to simply state publically (to several people) that you have a physical condition that qualifies you for the disabled parking. Say firmly that you have heard the comments accusing you of breaking the law and want to put a stop to them by setting the record straight. No, you do not want to discuss the private details of your health with your classmates, but you want to let them know that you are a law abiding citizen. Be firm, but congenial.

If the behavior doesn't stop, then I'd consider going to your school faculty/administration and tell them that another student is harrassing you and file whatever complaint they recommend.

I would take the lead and nip it in the bud before it grows.

Good luck.

[DolceVita, ADN, BSN, RN]

Thanks for the responses. In truth I just want this woman to leave me alone. Seriously, I mean I don't want her to speak or refer to me unless it is in a professional capacity. That would work for me. I doubt it will happen.

Clearly ignoring her doesn't work for me. Oh well let's see what happens today. Not that I feel like going to class tonight.

[sharpeimom]

sorry that woman is being such a pain in the neck. my mom had a handicapped permit because she had had viral infection that destroyed her lung function and heart. she looked like her old healthy athletic self when she didn't have to walk much. she used oxygen at home but not when she went out. people often made obnoxious and hurtful remarks but somehow she never let it show in public. i had a stroke six years ago caused by an aneurysm that ruptured when i was one and now have a handicapped card.

despite my partially paralyzed left side and affected speech, people have made some very nasty and hurtful remarks. i'd talk to an attorney who specializes in disability law if talking to admin doesn't resolve the issue. what she is doing is harrassment and that is illegal and the school should follow through and dicipline her if a warning doesn't stop it. you owe no onean explanation of your condition! she getting her jollies by bullying you and it must stop now! contact either student life and/or security

and they'll have some ideas too. she must be stopped and you can't do it yourself.

hugs,

kathy

sharpeimom:paw::paw:

[sharpeimom]

thanks for the responses. in truth i just want this woman to leave me alone. seriously, i mean i don't want her to speak or refer to me unless it is in a professional capacity. that would work for me. i doubt it will happen.

clearly ignoring her doesn't work for me. oh well let's see what happens today. not that i feel like going to class tonight.

just had another thought... has she physically threatened or tried to intimidate you? if so, what about a pfa? protection from abuse order. it might have a different name in your state. does she lean in too close that it scares you, or stands on your toes?

how about bringing a defamation of character suit if she's trying to destroy your reputation in/at clinicals?

kathy

sharpeimom:paw::paw:

[LovebugLPN]

I don't have any advice. I just wanted to say how sorry I am that this is happening to you and I hope it gets resolved. Nobody deserves this.

[RNgonewild]

Why don't you put something permanently on her record. Go to administration at the school and file a formal complaint for harassment. Also file a complaint with the security dept. at your school. I totally hate it when someone uses handicapped parking spaces illegally also, but since you never know what the handicap is that people have you're better off keeping quiet. She could be removed from your program for harassment. If you feel "guilty" you could give her one more warning that if she continues to harass you, or is creating a hostile work enviornment you will be reporting her. And it seems like you have a witness too.

[Not_A_Hat_Person, RN]

If this woman continues to harrass you, go to the school. It's a violation of your rights, and none of her business.

Unfortunately, the situation you described has become more common in my old state. Last year, an investigation by the local paper revealed a surprising number of non-disabled people who use their dead relative's handicap parking placards. It's part of the reason I don't like permanent handicap placards (why not make them expire every 5 years?).

[Simba&NalasMom, LPN]

Wow. I can't believe nobody else has complained about this woman! However, like another poster pointed out, give her enough rope and she'll hopefully hang herself. Is she the same way around patients and other students?

[tewdles, RN]

You have given her warning...if you hear one more thing about this...even the tiniest thing, go directly to the school administrators and file a formal complaint. Do not give this foolish woman any more opportunity to stop being an ###...take decisive action. She is a boorish bully who needs to mind her own business. The school of nursing needs to examine what caliber of nurse they expect she would be with that attitude. It is ridiculous to graduate a nurse who practices lateral violence and harassment even while in school, she should be dismissed from the program unless she begins singing an entirely different tune immediately.

Sorry for the tenor of this post, I just have a problem with bullies and gossips in general.

[Arcadia73]

Wow! I an truly sorry that you had to endure the ignorance and brash behavior that this woman has dispalyed. How DARE she speak to anyone in that manner?! Lucky for her I wasn't the one she came across, lol! I am a Scorpio and I do NOT take anyone's crap! I can have a VERY sharp tongue and I would have let her know in no uncertain terms that she is NOT your keeper, she does NOT work for the parking authority and she damn well ought to mind her business while she is still able to!! I HATE people that act like they are the judge & jury in situations that they have no insight into!!:angryfire:

*** is wrong with her?! It's such a shame that her life is SO unbearably dull & pathetic that she needs to pick apart the actions of everyone around her. Trust me she is too much of an idiot to NOT get out of her own way and will ultimately destroy herself in the process one way or another. If all esle fails definitely make some sort of formal complaint. This is just RIDICULOUS!!

Good luck to you!