Need help. Starting to doubt myself. Almost HATE nursing now....

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So, we're getting to the end of the year, almost done with our LPN. I should e celebrating all of the hard work, celebrating that I made it this far, with straight A's, five kids, mom who is terminal, and my ex husband died unexpectedly Dec. 1st (very devastated kids I have now).

I've managed to complete everything, except for in December when my ex passed away, right before Christmas.....was late getting things done, but got it done nonetheless.

I just completed my OB clinical, and hated it. Mainly b/c my instructor was quite hard on us (she eventually gave me an excellent evaluation, but that's neither here nor there); I just didn't like it.

So....I was supposed to get my PEDS clinical going, had a mixup with times with my clinical instructor (she told me last Friday; I was there...she wasn't....and accused ME of goofing up the time). Accused me of not putting any effort into rescheduling it. Accused me of making "a fuss" in front of the Dean today when all I did was ask when she'd be in so that I could reschedule my clinical time.(I went back to the dean after she accused me of this; she said "Of course you didn't make a fuss....I will make sure to tell her that").....A lot of good it does me. She hates me, I have no idea why. I've gotten along with all my instructors, had fun along the way......but anyway.....she said, "Remember this fall when you had this BIG TRAUMMMMMA and you didn't get your physical assessment check-off done on time over Christmas break"....that's what she is using against me; that my kids' Dad died? She flat out told me I should quit back in January b/c of this 'traummmmmma"

Anyway, I broke down and cried. I told her that I didn't know why she was coming down so hard on me, and that I didn't know why she felt she needed to talk to me this way. She said that I was the ONLY STUDENT who didn't start their Peds clinical. The ONLY STUDENT who hasn't been in to see her. (Yah, because I figured she would get to me.....obviously she had a meeting last Friday and couldn't meet me up there, over an hour drive for me one way.....). I figured she'd get to me ON HER TIME.

Bottom line is this: She is the one who told me I should quit. That I should focus on my family now. True, I could use a little more time with my family right now.....BUT I have straight A's. I don't have financial aid. I can't afford to retake this stuff! And I'm ALMOST DONE!! Why would I quit? I have been told that I'm "a natural nurse" (by the OB clinical instructor that was more like a drill sargeant...that meant a lot to me!). That I have excellent assessment skills. That I'm compassionate. I was told, "You would be the type of nurse to walk in, see a patient with profuse bleeding, ACT, and not think anything of it. Your biggest downfall would be your charting BECAUSE it comes so natural to you; you don't consider what you do interventions because you see what needs to be done...and you do it."

I don't know why I'm rambling so much. I guess what I'm trying to say is this: I have enjoyed this all the way up to this final point. And now I'm just feeling overwhelmed. I feel like she (instructor that had me in tears today) maybe is seeing something that I am not. Like: I may be too sensitive to be a nurse? That I take things to heart easily?

And now I'm scared. That I will be MISERABLE in nursing because of all the politics involved, the stress...oh, did I mention the stress?

Where's a good area of nursing for someone sensitive? Or is that a joke, even asking such a thing?

I'm feeling I'm not cut out for this. I'm really needing some advice.

I have to meet with this instructor tomorrow to start my Peds clinical. I've got butterflies in my stomach and I have this feeling she has it in for me. Oh, she's also the clinical director at our college. So she has the power to fail me out of the whole program....

I can barely even see through these tears now. I'm wondering if I made a huge mistake with my career choice.

Emma

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Specializes in Critical Care.

You can't judge nursing by the school environment.

Do your best to trudge through.

There are 2 rules to college. #1 - the instructor is always right. #2 - if you want to pass, see rule #1.

So, suck up a little to this person - as difficult as that may be. Apologize (us guys are expert at apologizing - even if we don't think we're wrong.)

Ask how you can make it right. Be sincere. Let me repeat that: be sincere.

You have to make an effort, a dedicated effort to keep your opinion of this woman away from her. She should see nothing but smiles and politeness from you.

Really, who cares about this person EXCEPT FOR what she can do for you, or to you.

So, massage the situation, get through and then blow her off on the back side, when she's not relevant to you, anymore.

I'm sorry you're having a stressful time right now. Take a deep breath.

I hope things work out for you.

As a last resort: bring the dean full in; your instructor obviously has reservations about that - and that might mediate the behavior. It DOES HAVE SEVERE DRAWBACKS THOUGH: FULL ALIENATION OF AN INSTRUCTOR IS A RISKY GAME. But again, that's a last resort strategy. First, I'd try to 'suck up'.

~faith,

Timothy.

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Thanks Timothy....

I know you're dead on about the rule (instructor always right). I guess I'm still very hurt by the situation (ha, it only happed 2 hours ago).

I start to wonder though if I'm cut out for this because I do let things upset me so much. At least I'm not crying anymore. Just down to a sniffle........

Thanks a bunch

Emma

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You do what it is you need to to take care of business. You have made it this far with so much going on in your life. She has just hit you at your breaking point. Let tonight be your break down baby girl. And then you go in stronger tommorow and finish it up with flying colors. Do not let anyone intimidate or change your goals. You have already done so much dont stop now!!! I am rooting for you :)

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Thank you soooooooo much for the pep talk. Here I was thinking I was DONE crying tonight, and your reply has me in tears (but GOOD ones!!).

Thank you once again. It means a lot to me.

Emma

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Specializes in Education, Acute, Med/Surg, Tele, etc.

I agree with mommy! Let it out and refocus on your dream! Don't let one woman stop you from helping yourself out for your family! Personally I feel this woman proably has no heart for kicking you when you are down and trying harder than anyone else!

Do you have another instructor you talk to whom you feel free to discuss issues with. That may be a great step for support! I had an instructor that hated me from the get go because I had this thing called a sense of humor! I finally had it with her (and the crying I did daily), and got my favorite instructor and her in a room and discussed things..that turned out to be the most terrifying yet useful thing I ever did. That instructor saw my situation and actually helped me...and I helped her too...found out she was burned out and wanted back into hospital work...I got her a job and see her daily now, she is happy as a clam! For a horrid start..things worked out wonderfully and she wound up being the only instructor that made it to my wedding! She is my friend now...and back then..no way..I thought she was satan!!! LOL!

Things hit you, they hit you hard...and as they say...GOD never gives you something you can't handle (that is a reference I use..there are other cultures/religions that have the same proverb)...keep that in mind.

Don't give up if you don't want to...listen to your heart and spirit. One instructor does not a nurse make...so find the others supportive of you, and your fellow students, and your family..and so on...and gather your strength again...

Sorry so very much for your loss my dear, mine had a heart attack and lived thank goodness..but did make nursing school a pain! But I did it!!!!!! You can too sweety~!

Oh yeah..something I used to keep me going...yes get the hankie out...picture your children saying "I love you mommy". Keep that image in your mind for when things get hard...for some reason..after a few happy tears...I have all sorts of energy from love! That has helped me more times than anything!

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That instructor is a bully!:nono: Some people let power go to their head. I'm sorry you're going through this. Hang in there. Depending how the meeting goes you might have to go the dean especially if she tries to sabotage you again.

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I agree with mommy4_3. You know what you want. You have tried real, real hard to get where you are now. And a lot has been on your plate. I do know that instructrors can be real trying but you haven't lost. GO FOR THE FIGHT!! And listen to mommy4_3.

Best of luck to you,

Beth

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Specializes in Hospice, Palliative Care, Public Health.

Hi heres my $.02

Truth is relative and people see what they want to see. Dont let her suck you too far into her reality, because at that point the things she is saying that you know to be false become true, you start to doubt yourself, you feel like you cant hack it, etc. Its simply not your truth so dont let her shaming comments make it true.

Also, you are under an incredible load right now! and I must say it sounds like you are accomplishing a great deal under conditions which would have most people hiding in the closet curled in the fetal position. You're doing incredible things woman, its ok to be in tears when youre that stressed! :)

The load and scrutiny are both most certainly temporary situations. Do you have something special youre going to do when you graduate? If not, its a great way to take a little break in the day and picture what youre going to do. I've got 3 weeks of school this semester, things are heating up and you can just bet ive got a very real picture of a massage and a spa pedi :)

My deepest sympathies to you and your kids. I lost my dad suddenly a few years ago, and even though I was an adult and my parents had been divorced for years, I never could have gotten through it without Mom.

Peace

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Specializes in Med Surg, ICU, Infection, Home Health, and LTC.

((((((hugs))))))

i know that it feels like stress is your first, middle and last name right now ..... but you can make it. the fact that your grades are high and that you are passionate about nursing speaks volumes about you and your abilities to multi-task and handle difficult situations.

you will make a fantastic nurse, whether you decide to take time off or continue straight through. don't allow what an instructor says or anyone else to decide your life for you. you have that still small voice in the inner-you that really knows what you need to do.

i had an instructor get in my face during clinicals one time and tell me i would never be a nurse. i cried buckets and threatened to quit nursing school and doubted myself a million times .... but i hung in there and graduated and that was 20 plus years ago.

boy would i like to go back in time and tell her a thing or two.:monkeydance:

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Specializes in Adult ER.

i agree with everything that has been said :)

if this is your dream and passion, don't let someone take that away from you. i had a similar situation..... i failed a clinical rotation in the last 2 hrs of the last day of a clinical rotation :angryfire with no comments from my instructor and nothing said to me as i was meeting all requirements. well i was angry at her did a lot of crying. i tried to appeal my grade but appealing a grade in my school was suicide and once you did you were marked :o. so i quit, i walked away from nursing and away from the 4 years that i had already put into my program (was in 3rd year of bsn). i thought well screw this i don't need to be treated like this. well my life kind of fell apart and wouldn't you know it not even 3 months later i was trying to get back into my program :uhoh21: let me tell you i had to suck up i had to do anything that i could just to get back into my program. once i was back in i was quiet (use to be very talkative in classes prior) tried not to get any extra attention and i slugged through it grinding my teeth and hating every minute of it. i have just finished school and let me tell you i'm glad that i came back and that i didn't let some *(^*&%*&%*&) of an instructor ruin my dream. i love working as a nurse and love being with my pt's. its my dream and i'm not going to let anyone take that away from me whether they feel like its there right to do so or not.

you can do this and if anything once your out of school it will probably help you stand up for someone that needs it, as a result of you being treated so poorly :) so like everyone kind of said be sincere even if it means sucking up grind your teeth pretend like your enjoying it and before you know it, your clinical will be done and you'll be moving on

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Specializes in Pediatrics.

First of all, my deepest condolences to you and your kids. :o You have been through an incredible amount of stress in your private life AND in nursing school. I agree with the others - don't give up! You've accomplished so much under difficult conditions, I think you'd make a GREAT nurse! THis is just another "test" you have to go through to make it to your goal, don't let the instructor win. Don't doubt yourself, you've made it this far and ANYBODY would be stressed out and full of doubt at that point.

Best of luck to you! Keep us updated.

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