So, we're getting to the end of the year, almost done with our LPN. I should e celebrating all of the hard work, celebrating that I made it this far, with straight A's, five kids, mom who is terminal, and my ex husband died unexpectedly Dec. 1st (very devastated kids I have now).
I've managed to complete everything, except for in December when my ex passed away, right before Christmas.....was late getting things done, but got it done nonetheless.
I just completed my OB clinical, and hated it. Mainly b/c my instructor was quite hard on us (she eventually gave me an excellent evaluation, but that's neither here nor there); I just didn't like it.
So....I was supposed to get my PEDS clinical going, had a mixup with times with my clinical instructor (she told me last Friday; I was there...she wasn't....and accused ME of goofing up the time). Accused me of not putting any effort into rescheduling it. Accused me of making "a fuss" in front of the Dean today when all I did was ask when she'd be in so that I could reschedule my clinical time.(I went back to the dean after she accused me of this; she said "Of course you didn't make a fuss....I will make sure to tell her that").....A lot of good it does me. She hates me, I have no idea why. I've gotten along with all my instructors, had fun along the way......but anyway.....she said, "Remember this fall when you had this BIG TRAUMMMMMA and you didn't get your physical assessment check-off done on time over Christmas break"....that's what she is using against me; that my kids' Dad died? She flat out told me I should quit back in January b/c of this 'traummmmmma"
Anyway, I broke down and cried. I told her that I didn't know why she was coming down so hard on me, and that I didn't know why she felt she needed to talk to me this way. She said that I was the ONLY STUDENT who didn't start their Peds clinical. The ONLY STUDENT who hasn't been in to see her. (Yah, because I figured she would get to me.....obviously she had a meeting last Friday and couldn't meet me up there, over an hour drive for me one way.....). I figured she'd get to me ON HER TIME.
Bottom line is this: She is the one who told me I should quit. That I should focus on my family now. True, I could use a little more time with my family right now.....BUT I have straight A's. I don't have financial aid. I can't afford to retake this stuff! And I'm ALMOST DONE!! Why would I quit? I have been told that I'm "a natural nurse" (by the OB clinical instructor that was more like a drill sargeant...that meant a lot to me!). That I have excellent assessment skills. That I'm compassionate. I was told, "You would be the type of nurse to walk in, see a patient with profuse bleeding, ACT, and not think anything of it. Your biggest downfall would be your charting BECAUSE it comes so natural to you; you don't consider what you do interventions because you see what needs to be done...and you do it."
I don't know why I'm rambling so much. I guess what I'm trying to say is this: I have enjoyed this all the way up to this final point. And now I'm just feeling overwhelmed. I feel like she (instructor that had me in tears today) maybe is seeing something that I am not. Like: I may be too sensitive to be a nurse? That I take things to heart easily?
And now I'm scared. That I will be MISERABLE in nursing because of all the politics involved, the stress...oh, did I mention the stress?
Where's a good area of nursing for someone sensitive? Or is that a joke, even asking such a thing?
I'm feeling I'm not cut out for this. I'm really needing some advice.
I have to meet with this instructor tomorrow to start my Peds clinical. I've got butterflies in my stomach and I have this feeling she has it in for me. Oh, she's also the clinical director at our college. So she has the power to fail me out of the whole program....
I can barely even see through these tears now. I'm wondering if I made a huge mistake with my career choice.
Emma, first, I would like to congratulate you for your hard work.
I think you are very stressed rightnow. When you are stressed out, it will have an impact on your decision. Rightnow, with you ex passed in December, you need time to heal. It takes 12 months to grieve. I think once the grieving process is over, you will think clearly. Good luck to you.
Emma, Your life is certainly stressed filled right now. Stick it out if you can, you are so close now that stop would be a shame and would deprive us of a potentially wonderful addition to our family of nurses. Just go day by day, and look after youself and your family and keep coming to all nurses for support, we're all here for you. Celia
make them dead, I mean. LOL
Hellllllo Nurse, BSN, RN
2 Articles; 3,563 Posts
I'm so glad yo are feeling better and more confident about your situation.
All the best to you- knock 'em dead!