Need help with my judgmentalism

You can think whatever you want about whomever you want as long as it doesn't interfere with your pt care.

You also need to keep whatever you think to yourself on the job (see the thread on "what you wish you could say to a pt). We do a lot of teaching in nursing, but it's not lecturing and not trying to convey your personal moral code on someone else.

If you think your ability to care for a pt will be impacted by how you judge that person (whom you probably will not know a lot about), then you need to think long & hard about whether nursing is right career choice for you.

That's my

WOW! I give you props for admitting why you are so judgemental.

However, in nursing, you can't let your personal opinions or views interfere with your patient care. I work in a teaching hospital that is located in the urban core of the city, we take care of the uninsured, underinsured, and the homeless. Most of our patient population is sickle cellers and/or frequent flyers. We get our fair share of gunshot wounds, traumas from domestic altercations, and our hospital delivers alot of babies by single mothers.

One thing that God taught me before I took a RN job at this hospital is humbleness and humility. Some folks dont know any better, therefore, can't do any better, and the last thing they need is for someone to be judging them on their decisions who should be providing care for them.

I didnt have the best upbringing, my parents divorced when I was small, I was raised by a single mother, my mother suffered from depression, therefore, neglecting her kids. My father was a raging alcoholic and my family had its share of struggles. I dont like how some people may judge me based on my upbringing.

When I am at work, I remind myself that everyone has a right to make their own decisions and live their life as THEY see fit. I also have the same right and just because I may choose a different lifestyle does not make me any better than someone who chooses differently than me.

You need to understand that not everyone views life the way that you do, and that's ok. You have your views and you have made your own decisions regarding your life and how you choose to live it, others also have the same right.

Thank you for your honesty. You are much further down the road to healthy thinking than folks who try to justify or rationalize their judgments.

You have several issues that need to be looked at separately to achieve the best outcomes.

First, there is your own mental health. Take good care of yourself. Eat and sleep right. See your doc (if one is involved). Develop/maintain a good support group. Nurture your spiritual side. Exercise. If you take meds, be faithful about doing so. Find things that make you smile. Laugh often. Love much. The better you feel, the less you will want to hold a grudge against others.

Second, recognize that a strong religious background is not always spiritual in nature. Some groups have a heavy legalistic focus that concentrates more on law than on love. This can set a trap of self-judgment that leads to condemnation, both internal and external. Read the book of Romans for the contrast between law and grace.

Third, God is able to separate who we are (created in his image, fearfully and wonderfully made) from what we do. He can see us apart from our bad choices. This is the outworking of grace. Ask him to help you see your patients (and others) as he sees them, as he intended them to be. Look past the bad choices and the crummy consequences. Most of us don't want to do bad things, but we find ourselves falling on a regular basis. The last thing we need is someone standing over us with contempt.

You can learn to love people without embracing their failures. You can meet them where they are and try to give them hope. Even the ones who seem arrogant and defensive need connection. Earn their trust.

If you can learn to acknowledge your own lapses and inadequacies without succumbing to self-hate and despair (a tall order for a depressive bipolar patient, I know, but a challenge well worth the effort), then you can pass this spark of hope on to others.

If you have the chance, read the book, "The Shack." It's a vivid picture of God's love and acceptance of us as his beloved children.

I pray that you will be able to master the fine art of loving yourself and others as God intended.

You can think whatever you want about whomever you want as long as it doesn't interfere with your pt care.

You also need to keep whatever you think to yourself on the job (see the thread on "what you wish you could say to a pt). We do a lot of teaching in nursing, but it's not lecturing and not trying to convey your personal moral code on someone else.

If you think your ability to care for a pt will be impacted by how you judge that person (whom you probably will not know a lot about), then you need to think long & hard about whether nursing is right career choice for you.

That's my

Thanks, but I'm not trying to just "cover up" my outlook, I'm trying to change it, or to create some buffer between my opinions and my pts.

And please, my first year of nursing, I'm really not trying to go into the is-this-really-the-job-I'm-meant-for mess-with-your-head trap. I'm a work in progress.

Separating yourself from being judgmental is difficult, sometimes very difficult, but it can be done - you just have to remember what the very essence of your decision to be a nurse was. You can help people by caring for them and by educating them.

Always remember that you never know what path these people have walked down during their life. They could have seen or experienced horrors unspeakable. Some people simply made one wrong turn somewhere and don't know how to get back to where they used to be. I would venture to say the majority of drug addicts wish to God they weren't; the majority of teenagers do not have sex with the goal of getting pregnant; the majority of smokers don't even like smoking; the majority of high school dropouts did not drop out because of laziness. You have to remember that the bottom line is, people are human and it is not for us to judge them; there is a reason judgment is meant to be reserved for God and that is because God sees everything, hears everything, knows everything about this person, and we don't. We know only one snapshot of their lives; no matter how much we know about them, we will NEVER know it all.

And, remember nobody is perfect. Letting yourself set high standards for people will only lead to you being disappointed. None of us are unoffensive to everyone all the time. As everyone said, it's fine to have your own opinion about people; everyone does. However, you must leave those opinions outside of the patient's door, otherwise they will cloud your nursing judgment and poison your compassion, and you can do no good being that kind of nurse. You must be an advocate for what is clinically best for that patient, NOT necessarily what you think is morally best.

Some days I repeat to myself, "We're all Children of God."

I think it's great that you are thinking about this issue and recognizing that it is something you need to work on. Being the kind of nurse you would want for yourself goes hand in hand with being the kind of person you would like to be.

You will encounter different kinds of patients in different areas of nursing. I've been surprised of how much domestic violence I come across in my work. I also usually have one patient going through drug or ETOH detox, and that is not a fun time. These patients are leading very different lives than mine. However, my contacts with my patients are pretty brief and I'm working so fast that I don't have much of a chance to get involved in the details of their lives. Not like when I was doing home health and I was with the same patient for 12 straight hours.

If this is your first nursing job and you don't like it, you could move to an area later like the operating room or a procedural area.

Thanks, everyone, for all your responses. I'm already feeling less judgmental, and I haven't even started work yet.

I'm glad to hear all of your attitudes.

wow! i truly praise you for your openness with this issue! i think just in being open and aware you will be fine.

let me give you a quick story -

there was a girl who's father was diagnosed with cancer when she was 13... she had to come home from middle school every day and get him on the toilet and make him dinner. when she turned 16 she rebelled against the world and dropped out of high school. she began working full time as a grave yard manager at a restaurant and became pregnant and delivered at 17.

she became engaged at 18 to her new boyfriend who turned out to be evil he tried to kill her as well as 2 other people. after he was arrested it came out that he had multiple personalities, dx habitual liar and skitzo (lol spelled that wrong)... he was court ordered by the state to be on meds.. turns out she was pregnant again with her 2nd child. she was terrified of having a child that might also have bad blood. after he was arrested she lost her job and apartment. she had an abortion - at the time she felt there was nothing else she could do. she tried adoption, but was told when she asked if they would cover her cost of living during recovery "that we dont buy babies here."

she moved on - got back together with her 1st childs father and started to make it work. she worked hard yet got no where without a high school diploma. her boyfriend became addicted to drugs and she forced him into rehab... but 3 months after he was clean he left her for another woman... she was 4 months pregnant at the time. she kept the baby and did her best to support her 2 kids. the story goes on and on as this was only the half way point in her hardships and only a glimmer of a few of the things she endured

my point is - if she had come into your facility after a hack job abortion (which is what happened) would you have just assumed she was some idiot that didnt know how to use contraceptives and she deserved it? i doubt she would have explained to you that she was homeless, had a bad experience with an adoption agency, was almost murdered, and had her life fall down around her ears...

if she told you she was a high school drop out - would you assume she just was an idiotic teen who didnt want to obey societies rules? no, you would have no idea about how she had to grow up before her time with a sick father and how she felt she would rather live on her own than deal with school and a dying parent.

if she came in to deliver her baby as a single mother ... would you assume she had lose morals? or that she made her bed? you would have no idea that her fiance had walked out on her when she was only a few months pregnant and she had to figure it all out for herself.... while he went on his merry way with another woman who he got pregnant the same month he left.... no you would not know any of this... would it change your judgment?

judgmentsare only skin deep. if i told you this woman was a respected co-worker of yours, that had her ged, nursing eduction and a supervisors position would your opinion of her change?

my point is that you only see a little tiny glimpse of the patients life. if i dumped a 500 pice puzzle out and held up just one piece and said - what is the puzzle a picture of? would you know?

i believe that god gives us each what we can handle. some of our choices in life are just plain terrible, but in the end it was all for a purpose. even if we dont know what that purpose was or could be. sometimes it is the people that you think are below you that turn out in the end to have more strength, compassion and fortitude. and most of the time - we dont even know it. we just judge and walk away...