Hey, I'm about to start my first RN job. I worry about my judgmentalism and how it will affect my patient care. I think it's a low self-esteem/depression thing, a way of coping with what I see as an essentially dangerous and unfriendly world (I have bipolar disorder, tending more towards depression than mania) coupled with an intense religious upbringing and its us-against-the-world mentality and definitions of right and wrong. Also, I'm libertarian in my political views, believing more or less in social Darwinism--survival of the fittest, you get what you earn for better or worse, rugged individualism versus social welfare, etc.
I judge people based on what I consider non-intelligent life decisions (e.g., smoking, dropping out of school, unprotected sex) or falling short of some moral bar (deadbeat dads, people who I consider don't do enough for themselves and expect the system to take over). And I just cannot get over some things, like abortion, or teens having sex. If someone uses improper grammar or spelling, it automatically lowers them in my opinion. I know that nurses are supposed to separate their personal opinions from their patients' choices/lifestyles somehow, but I don't know how.
I need help with this; even if I weren't an RN, I don't like always judging people. I know it's because of my own mind and essential unhappiness and loneliness, but that doesn't help me get rid of it. I want to be the kind of nurse that I would want for myself when I made some mistake or were in a bad place.
wow! i truly praise you for your openness with this issue! i think just in being open and aware you will be fine.
let me give you a quick story -
there was a girl who's father was diagnosed with cancer when she was 13... she had to come home from middle school every day and get him on the toilet and make him dinner. when she turned 16 she rebelled against the world and dropped out of high school. she began working full time as a grave yard manager at a restaurant and became pregnant and delivered at 17.
she became engaged at 18 to her new boyfriend who turned out to be evil he tried to kill her as well as 2 other people. after he was arrested it came out that he had multiple personalities, dx habitual liar and skitzo (lol spelled that wrong)... he was court ordered by the state to be on meds.. turns out she was pregnant again with her 2nd child. she was terrified of having a child that might also have bad blood. after he was arrested she lost her job and apartment. she had an abortion - at the time she felt there was nothing else she could do. she tried adoption, but was told when she asked if they would cover her cost of living during recovery "that we dont buy babies here."
she moved on - got back together with her 1st childs father and started to make it work. she worked hard yet got no where without a high school diploma. her boyfriend became addicted to drugs and she forced him into rehab... but 3 months after he was clean he left her for another woman... she was 4 months pregnant at the time. she kept the baby and did her best to support her 2 kids. the story goes on and on as this was only the half way point in her hardships and only a glimmer of a few of the things she endured
my point is - if she had come into your facility after a hack job abortion (which is what happened) would you have just assumed she was some idiot that didnt know how to use contraceptives and she deserved it? i doubt she would have explained to you that she was homeless, had a bad experience with an adoption agency, was almost murdered, and had her life fall down around her ears...
if she told you she was a high school drop out - would you assume she just was an idiotic teen who didnt want to obey societies rules? no, you would have no idea about how she had to grow up before her time with a sick father and how she felt she would rather live on her own than deal with school and a dying parent.
if she came in to deliver her baby as a single mother ... would you assume she had lose morals? or that she made her bed? you would have no idea that her fiance had walked out on her when she was only a few months pregnant and she had to figure it all out for herself.... while he went on his merry way with another woman who he got pregnant the same month he left.... no you would not know any of this... would it change your judgment?
judgmentsare only skin deep. if i told you this woman was a respected co-worker of yours, that had her ged, nursing eduction and a supervisors position would your opinion of her change?
my point is that you only see a little tiny glimpse of the patients life. if i dumped a 500 pice puzzle out and held up just one piece and said - what is the puzzle a picture of? would you know?
i believe that god gives us each what we can handle. some of our choices in life are just plain terrible, but in the end it was all for a purpose. even if we dont know what that purpose was or could be. sometimes it is the people that you think are below you that turn out in the end to have more strength, compassion and fortitude. and most of the time - we dont even know it. we just judge and walk away...
CandyGyrl1985
136 Posts
wow! i truly praise you for your openness with this issue! i think just in being open and aware you will be fine.
let me give you a quick story -
there was a girl who's father was diagnosed with cancer when she was 13... she had to come home from middle school every day and get him on the toilet and make him dinner. when she turned 16 she rebelled against the world and dropped out of high school. she began working full time as a grave yard manager at a restaurant and became pregnant and delivered at 17.
she became engaged at 18 to her new boyfriend who turned out to be evil he tried to kill her as well as 2 other people. after he was arrested it came out that he had multiple personalities, dx habitual liar and skitzo (lol spelled that wrong)... he was court ordered by the state to be on meds.. turns out she was pregnant again with her 2nd child. she was terrified of having a child that might also have bad blood. after he was arrested she lost her job and apartment. she had an abortion - at the time she felt there was nothing else she could do. she tried adoption, but was told when she asked if they would cover her cost of living during recovery "that we dont buy babies here."
she moved on - got back together with her 1st childs father and started to make it work. she worked hard yet got no where without a high school diploma. her boyfriend became addicted to drugs and she forced him into rehab... but 3 months after he was clean he left her for another woman... she was 4 months pregnant at the time. she kept the baby and did her best to support her 2 kids. the story goes on and on as this was only the half way point in her hardships and only a glimmer of a few of the things she endured
my point is - if she had come into your facility after a hack job abortion (which is what happened) would you have just assumed she was some idiot that didnt know how to use contraceptives and she deserved it? i doubt she would have explained to you that she was homeless, had a bad experience with an adoption agency, was almost murdered, and had her life fall down around her ears...
if she told you she was a high school drop out - would you assume she just was an idiotic teen who didnt want to obey societies rules? no, you would have no idea about how she had to grow up before her time with a sick father and how she felt she would rather live on her own than deal with school and a dying parent.
if she came in to deliver her baby as a single mother ... would you assume she had lose morals? or that she made her bed? you would have no idea that her fiance had walked out on her when she was only a few months pregnant and she had to figure it all out for herself.... while he went on his merry way with another woman who he got pregnant the same month he left.... no you would not know any of this... would it change your judgment?
judgmentsare only skin deep. if i told you this woman was a respected co-worker of yours, that had her ged, nursing eduction and a supervisors position would your opinion of her change?
my point is that you only see a little tiny glimpse of the patients life. if i dumped a 500 pice puzzle out and held up just one piece and said - what is the puzzle a picture of? would you know?
i believe that god gives us each what we can handle. some of our choices in life are just plain terrible, but in the end it was all for a purpose. even if we dont know what that purpose was or could be. sometimes it is the people that you think are below you that turn out in the end to have more strength, compassion and fortitude. and most of the time - we dont even know it. we just judge and walk away...