Need advice on nursing/pt relationship post discharge

NurseJackie87 · Feb 7, 2015

Ya but the point is as someone already stated. The only way we could be in contact is either he asked for my number before he was discharged which would be unethical for me to give or I look him up using his name which I only know from being his nurse which is a confidentiality issue

SummitRN, BSN, RN · Feb 7, 2015

I respect the OP for acting on her doubts and asking here, then maturely reflecting on the responses and realizing the right course.

NurseJackie87 · Feb 7, 2015

It's been my dream to be a nurse. I needed to be reminded that actions have consequences and I love nursing. It wouldn't be worth losing it in the end.

jadelpn, LPN, EMT-B · Feb 7, 2015

I will tell you what. I did not read the responses as this struck a chord with me. Any number of mentally ill people generally speaking are manipulative. That is part of some disease processes. It is a symptom the result of which has worked for them in the past--and seemingly, worked with you.

You really, really need to think about your ethical practices. And what need this is filling in your own head. And to follow up with some counseling regarding this if you believe yourself unable to separate the 2.

And flirting???? You have got to be joking--that is wrong. On a number of levels. You can, and SHOULD in fact, separate your personal from professional. They are 2 different things. I do not mean to sound harsh, and perhaps you are unclear on boundary setting. But you do not, under any circumstances flirt with, engage in questionable behavior, or follow up with patients. Period. This is how one gets in a heap of hot water. The least of which is that patients deserve privacy. And if you are following up with information that you got only from the hospital, this is wrong, and a huge violation.

That this is even a question is disheartening and scary. I really almost hope this is either a homework question, or a trolling situation.

Do NOT get personally caught up in any circumstance. Especially with patients whose disease process is as complex and multi-layered as a mentally ill person. Manipulation, acting out, blaming and accusing you of taking advantage--these are all real, live things that you do NOT want carried into your personal life. (and I am not mentally ill bashing, there's LOTS of other disease processes that involve the same type of behavioral symptoms and issues, not exclusive to mentally ill people).

Now, I am a huge advocate of the rights of the mentally ill. It is a disease process and not a character issue. However, mentally ill people who are hospitalized for poor symptom management are not in a position to make choices based on rationalization. And yes, you "flirting back" (and I am not sure, but if there was chemistry, there was some "flirting back" and you may not have recognized it as such) is unethical behavior on your part. And any mentally ill advocate would and could go for the nth degree in making sure that your ethics were questioned if this came to life. That is the reality. And with better symptom control, this former patient could turn this around to a huge ethical breach on your part. Back away and disappear from this situation today.

In order to succeed as a nurse, you need to be sure that you are aware of ethical and professional boundaries that are to be put into practice in order to build your own character and reputation as a nurse. There are nurses who are unaware of the magnitude of such breaches. If you need professional guidance, get it.

I wish you nothing but the best in your future successes, but please take a moment and re-work your boundary setting and ethical behavior standards.

elkpark · Feb 7, 2015

I don't see why you wouldn't be able to remain in contact and friendly with the guy outside of work. You do still have YOUR OWN HUMAN RIGHTS!

We have "our own human rights," but we also have professional responsibilities. Entering into a personal relationship with a former client is considered a huge boundary and ethical violation in psychiatric nursing (for v. good reasons). It is a bad idea for both individuals personally, and is likely to have serious negative repercussions for both individuals.

klone, MSN, RN · Feb 7, 2015

She said he flirted with her, not that she was flirting. She also said that she did maintain an appropriate relationship.

dishes, BSN, RN · Feb 7, 2015

It's been my dream to be a nurse. I needed to be reminded that actions have consequences and I love nursing. It wouldn't be worth losing it in the end.

You can stay strong in your belief that actions have consequences, by reading the disciplinary hearing results on your provincial regulatory body website, also read the relevant educational resources... a little fear can go a long way to prevent complaints against a nurse's license.

LadyFree28, BSN, LPN, RN · Feb 7, 2015

I don't think anyone else has mentioned this possibility, but it's worth consideration. What if he is hospitalized again, after you've established an out-of-the-hospital relationship. What would you do then?
There are so many negative things that could happen if you establish the relationship. Didn't we have a long thread about this awhile back? I can't find it, but maybe someone else can post the link to it?

Found it: https://allnurses.com/psychiatric-nursing/dating-a-former-959114.html

NurseJackie87 · Feb 7, 2015

Exactly he flirted with me I maintained my professional boundary the entire time.

dirtyhippiegirl, BSN, RN · Feb 7, 2015

Most people on psych wards are just like other people, even nurses, but are just going through a hard time in their life. I find it shocking that a nurse would have such a reply. By the way, I have been both a nurse, and a patient on a psych ward.

Never been a psych nurse but have 30+ psychiatric hospitalizations, myself. My advice comes with the heart and experience of a professional psychiatric patient, which I was for most of my adolescence and early twenties.

canigraduate · Feb 7, 2015

I'm not a psych nurse or patient, but a family member of several people who have been institutionalized for psych reasons. From that perspective, a relationship with a former patient is very worrying. It smacks of power imbalance, codependency, and an anti-therapeutic relationship at the minimum.

Just think what you would feel like if you found out that your very vulnerable father/brother/uncle/cousin fell for the charms of his nurse and brought her home to meet the family. The ick factor is pretty high.

I am glad you came here to ask before you continued, and I am really glad, for your mental health and his, that you changed your mind.

I hope you find a more appropriate source for the needs you have and are able to move on without too much damage.

jadelpn, LPN, EMT-B · Feb 8, 2015

Exactly he flirted with me I maintained my professional boundary the entire time.

But that you describe your nurse/patient relationship as having a "connection" and that you did not (or perhaps you did) redirect inappropriate behaviors ie: flirting, then further on describe his psych d/o as "low on the scale" these are BIG RED FLAGS that need to be addressed by you to prevent this from happening in the future.

Bottom line--doesn't matter the reason that this patient was admitted. You were his nurse. Which makes it an ethical issue to date this former patient.

Please seek outside support if the situation at home is also creeping into your work life and clouding your judgment, even to a partly cloudy with a chance of rain. I am so sorry for your situation at home. It totally sucks, and can be quite devastating. I get this. Sucks out loud. However, do not ever get yourself into a situation where you need to find some self esteem at work from patients. That will not end well.