Need some advice on how to deal

[Florence NightinFAIL, BSN, RN]

Is it wrong of me to only want to care for my patients? Can I say no to family membres requesting things like blankets, water, chair etc. (I mean telling them where to get it instead of gettng it for them)?

I'm a student and sometimes while in the middle of doing something important (preparing meds, charting, etc.) they come up and expect me to service them. I want to tell them that I'm only here for the patient (politely) but I always chicken out.

I really don't mind helping --- but as a healthy family member --- you should be getting those things yourself. It's not part of my job description.

Is that mean of me? How do you handle that?

I'm sorry if I'm repeating a topic -- I haven't been here for a while and haven't really gone through the other threads.

Another question - how do you tell a patient to do more stuff for themselves? (ex. change, pericare, etc.) when they are more than capable?

[RedhairedNurse, BSN, RN]

I'm a new nurse and I've been on the family side many many times. It's actually what got me into nursing. I wanted to make a difference. I've been treated good by some nurses and very badly too. I was distraut several times when my loved one was sick. I didn't feel like leaving their bedside to look for things I may have needed, however, I wouldn't ask for petty stuff. I just believe that some things we should do to make a family more comfortable.....BECAUSE I've been there and done that. AN ACT OF KINDNESS BY A NURSE MEANS EVERYTHING TO A FAMILY MEMBER, OR IT DID ME !!!

[Batman24]

Your patients are always top priority. A patient's needs always come before wants. People might want a blanket but your patient might need to have poop cleaned out of their bed. I am always very polite to family members. If I'm not swamped I will try and help the family out whenever I can.

When patients can meet their own needs you lead the way and let them know what they can do for themselves. Sometimes they just aren't aware of what they are allowed to do yet.

"I'm going to to give you a wet cloth and towel to clean your own privates."

"Here's a fresh gown. I'll give you a little privacy to wash up and change and be back in a few to help you with the ties."

I've never had a problem with a patient complying to care for themselves when it was pointed out that they could.

[TazziRN, RN]

Not all places will allow family members to get their own blankets or towels, and they won't know they can unless you tell them. I understand your frustrations but remember that the patient is not your only patient. The family is worried and often scared, and they look to you-----THEIR nurse-----to help them. No, you should not be expected to care for the families as though they were your patients as well, but you can't ignore their needs either. There is nothing wrong with showing them where the stuff is and inviting them to get it themselves, but please don't resent them for it.

[AZO49008]

I think I'd handle it by politely (and truthfully) telling them that you are very busy caring for several patients and that you MAY be able to fulfill their request, but it might be a few minutes before you can accomplish the task.

[Becca608]

Just out of curiosity, how many patients do you have? If its only 1 or 2, then helping the family of your patient out with simple requests should not be a big deal. Most family members are willing to help you with tasks (bathing, accurately reporting what was eaten/drank, getting info that the patient was reluctant to give you) so a request for ice, a blanket, etc. should not be an issue. Just be honest and tell them that you should be able to bring that item in (for example 30 minutes). Then advise them if they need it sooner, to check with the unit clerk. If they are willing to wait the 30 minutes for the item, then have it there yourself or ask a fellow student to bring it to the room within that time frame.

This is part of learning teamwork.

[daisybaby, LPN]

For your entire nursing career, you will be taking care of your patients' families. You will be providing anticipatory guidance and teaching to them, calming when your patient takes a turn for the worse, celebrating when they hit a milestone, and comforting them when things are at their very worst. And as brealynn attests, acts of kindness make all the difference to a family member when their loved one is ill. One minute of your time and a smile can mean a lot.

As far as getting linen, someone on staff will have to get them for family members (I'm sure you already know why). But there's nothing wrong with politely saying, "I've got my hands full for a while, but you can find a chair/drink/etc....." and direct them to it, if those things are located in common areas where visitors can go. There is no polite way to tell a family member you're here just for the patient. And if management got wind of it, you'd be out on the sidewalk pronto. Do yourself a favor, too, and remove the phrase "it's not part of my job description" from your vocabulary. These boards are full of stories of nurses wearing all kinds of hats- dietary, environmental, hiney-wiper, housekeeping, cheerleader, etc. when they needed to- you need to be prepared to take on duties that are beneath you from time to time, for the good of the patient, family, unit, or whoever needs your help. Even if you never say it out loud, keeping that kind of thought in your head will burn you out in no time. And we need all the good fresh nurses we have!

I'm not saying to let others take advantage of you- but having the 'it's not my job' attitude will not serve you well. Grit your teeth, help out when you can (or have to), and take pride in knowing that the menial task you just did helped someone have a little bit of a better day- because of you. It's a really good feeling, and there are days when a feeling like that will be the only thing that carries you.

As far as getting pt's to do more for themselves, an easy way to encourage that is to remind them they will be going home in x days and they will need to be able to function independently, so better to get started now. And if they still won't do it, see the paragraph above.

Good luck to you. Nursing isn't the most glamourous career in the world, but it's certainly one of the most rewarding.

[Karynica, RN]

having worked in LTC, I am usually the only nurse for 45 patients. Sometimes I am so swamped by family members who believe they are staying at a hotel. I have had requests for water, when there is fresh water in the room, requests for extra packets of sugar, ..requests to pull the drapes back, requests to change the tv station, requests that went on and on and in the middle of an important med pass.

I have yet to turn someone down for their requests, but believe me there are times I just wanted to scream. The patient is the number one priority, but that patient never asked for one thing..it was always the family wanting an extra tray, a special drink or a magazine to read.

I feel your pain.

[newohiorn, BSN, RN, EMT-P]

Regarding getting patients to do for themselves whatever they are capable of--try saying something like this, "part of your recovery is to do for yourself as many things as you can." You can incorporate that along with the previously mentioned idea that "you need to be independent doing these things when you go home."

I have had more than one patient flat out tell me they expected me to do things they could do themselves (i.e. change TV channel) simply because "that's my job." Don't fall for that. I tell them it's my job to help them get better and part of recovering is doing things for themselves and I'm not afraid to say, "at this point in your recovery the doctor expects you to be getting out of bed walking, bathing yourself, feeding yourself, etc."

Good luck.

[Quidam]

In the last (and first) hospital I did clinicals in I directed many family members to the little kitchenette area for water, Ice, etc. They genuinely had no idea where this was or that they had access to it. As far as linens went...they did not have access to those.

It was my first clinical...and I have yet to be taken advantage of...but I derived great satisfaction in helping not only "my patient" but the family as well. I saw this as a way of helping the nurse.

I can see how it might get frustrating, but realistically you are entering into a career centered on "helping others". We are being taught in school that our patients include the family.

I am sorry if you have had bad experiences with demanding family members. I can see how that could get tough to deal with.

[nursebabygirl 08]

For your entire nursing career, you will be taking care of your patients' families. You will be providing anticipatory guidance and teaching to them, calming when your patient takes a turn for the worse, celebrating when they hit a milestone, and comforting them when things are at their very worst. And as brealynn attests, acts of kindness make all the difference to a family member when their loved one is ill. One minute of your time and a smile can mean a lot.

As far as getting linen, someone on staff will have to get them for family members (I'm sure you already know why). But there's nothing wrong with politely saying, "I've got my hands full for a while, but you can find a chair/drink/etc....." and direct them to it, if those things are located in common areas where visitors can go. There is no polite way to tell a family member you're here just for the patient. And if management got wind of it, you'd be out on the sidewalk pronto. Do yourself a favor, too, and remove the phrase "it's not part of my job description" from your vocabulary. These boards are full of stories of nurses wearing all kinds of hats- dietary, environmental, hiney-wiper, housekeeping, cheerleader, etc. when they needed to- you need to be prepared to take on duties that are beneath you from time to time, for the good of the patient, family, unit, or whoever needs your help. Even if you never say it out loud, keeping that kind of thought in your head will burn you out in no time. And we need all the good fresh nurses we have!

I'm not saying to let others take advantage of you- but having the 'it's not my job' attitude will not serve you well. Grit your teeth, help out when you can (or have to), and take pride in knowing that the menial task you just did helped someone have a little bit of a better day- because of you. It's a really good feeling, and there are days when a feeling like that will be the only thing that carries you.

As far as getting pt's to do more for themselves, an easy way to encourage that is to remind them they will be going home in x days and they will need to be able to function independently, so better to get started now. And if they still won't do it, see the paragraph above.

Good luck to you. Nursing isn't the most glamourous career in the world, but it's certainly one of the most rewarding.

nicely put daisy:up:

[northshore08]

For your entire nursing career, you will be taking care of your patients' families. You will be providing anticipatory guidance and teaching to them, calming when your patient takes a turn for the worse, celebrating when they hit a milestone, and comforting them when things are at their very worst. And as brealynn attests, acts of kindness make all the difference to a family member when their loved one is ill. One minute of your time and a smile can mean a lot.

Do yourself a favor, too, and remove the phrase "it's not part of my job description" from your vocabulary. These boards are full of stories of nurses wearing all kinds of hats- dietary, environmental, hiney-wiper, housekeeping, cheerleader, etc. when they needed to- you need to be prepared to take on duties that are beneath you from time to time, for the good of the patient, family, unit, or whoever needs your help. Even if you never say it out loud, keeping that kind of thought in your head will burn you out in no time.

having the 'it's not my job' attitude will not serve you well.

As far as getting pt's to do more for themselves, an easy way to encourage that is to remind them they will be going home in x days and they will need to be able to function independently

I tell them it's my job to help them get better and part of recovering is doing things for themselves and I'm not afraid to say, "at this point in your recovery the doctor expects you to be getting out of bed walking, bathing yourself, feeding yourself, etc.

I can see how it might get frustrating, but realistically you are entering into a career centered on "helping others". We are being taught in school that our patients include the family.

All very well said. When the patients are long gone, the families remember "their nurse" and think highly of you and your profession. The family unit is where the patient functions, and caring for the whole unit is an important part of nursing theory.

"It's not my job" and the ubiquitous "It's not my patient" are phrases that need to be pointed out in nursing school. Statements like these will get you in trouble every time. They serve to show that you are unwilling to be of help--not good in a customer-service oriented environment. When someone says these phrases, I cringe. Don't give your manager/preceptor/administrator/family member/physician/etc. ammunition to use against you.