My 1st Post - Starting BSN program next month... having doubts..

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Hello Everyone,

This is the first time I'm posting on allnurses.com although I have been stalking the website for over a year. ;)

Please bear with me, this is long, but I am at a major fork in my road and need some advice....

Here is my dilemma. I am 29 years old, married for 2 years, no children yet. I have been pursuing nursing for about 5 years, took time off to get married and move, but basically I have been taking pre-reqs for that long. My mom is a RN and I grew up never wanting to become a nurse because I saw how burned out she was, although to this day, after 35 years in nursing, she still loves her field. She looks at it as a call to service which is totally is.

I am done with my prereqs and about to start a BSN program next month, embarking on a 2 year journey through the hell that is nursing school. I'm more scared than excited. I am also at the time of my life where I would like to begin having children - if it wasn't for nursing school we'd probably start trying next spring. I don't want to be just graduating from nursing school at 31-32 years old and having my first child then. But I also don't want to look back years from now and regret not finishing nursing school. My goal is/was to become a school nurse. (ps, I am a Licensed Massage Therapist, but no longer practice due to tendonitis)

I am a very compassionate person, I love people, I love helping people, I think people are fascinating. I am a lighthearted person and I think I have a great sense of humor - which I think you need to have to be a nurse! I started working in health care at 18 yrs old, taking care of severely handicapped adults, and also worked in mental health as a nurse assistant (not as a CNA) for about 3 years in my early 20s. I have been pooped on, puked on, hair pulled, smacked, etc. As I found myself working in health care in my early twenties I started to think I should just become a nurse. While I loved taking care of people and I loved the rewarding feeling I had when I would walk into a patient's room and they would say to me, "oh thank God it's you!", I am having doubts that this profession is 100% for me now that I am on the cusp of nursing school.

Admittedly, I've gotten kind of spoiled over the past 4-5 years I've been out of the health care field and in cushy office jobs. I also don't want to go to school, take out $40k in loans, and then have to be paying back those loans while having kids and staying home with them. I think I might like the idea of being a nurse more than the actual day-to-day reality.

I presently have a great part time job with a local teachers' union, although it is a little lonely at times as I am by myself in the office most days and I can't say that I get a rewarding feeling from this job like I did when I took care of people. It is low stress and I have all the same holidays and breaks as the teachers in the public school system which is great. I can keep this job through nursing school, but will have to cut back on some hours because of clinical and my employer is talking about hiring someone to come in on the day I have clinical... which makes me a little nervous.

Anyway, I'm having a hard time committing to a decision right now and am very conflicted. I've been back and forth about it since early this year, while on the waiting list before I even knew I was officially in the program. I know can do it and be good at it in many ways. I admire nurses immensely and think that those who truly love what they do are amazing and I love the aspect helping people and making a difference.

I worry that I don't have the toughness or thick enough skin for what a lot of the job entails. I don't mean the excrement side of it. What I mean is that I don't multi-task all that great and I tend to wither under stress. I'm also not good at making crucial decisions (as you can tell from this post! :bugeyes:) and the idea of having someone's life in my hands is petrifying! I'm about to spend at least $40k and 2 years of hell in the BSN program and I'm going into it full of doubt and not 110% sure that it's what I want to do. I have been blessed in that my husband makes enough $ that I won't have to work when we have children and will be able to be a stay at home mom, which is what both my hubby and I want. But because of our income, I don't receive financial aid of any kind so school is all out of pocket.

I've been dragging my feet about making a decision for months because I've already put so much time, effort and money into the pre-reqs. I've been praying a lightning bolt comes down from heaven and tells me what to do!

I love people. I want to make a difference. But I'm so conflicted. Any advice or even just prayers would help greatly! You may be able to read between the lines and see something I don't! Thanks!!

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Specializes in interested in NICU!!.

if you don't pursue nursing is there anything that attracts your attention? or if you don't do ns at all, are you going to do anything professionally speaking?

do any other degrees catch your eye and don't scare you as much and would like to do?

i know you've spent many years on your pre-reqs, so i don't want to tell you to finish up if nursing is not what you want, but if it's what you really want, go for it, shake it off, i am sure, we all have been scared, or still are.

best of luck!

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Specializes in ER/Acute Care.

Having butterflies about starting nursing school is completely normal. I felt the same way a few weeks before school started for me this past fall. Unfortunately, you're the only one who knows if this profession is right for you. Nursing school can be very difficult, and knowing that I am sure I want to be a nurse and what path I'd like to take with my career has gotten me through the tough times. I'd say if you have hesitancy, really take some serious time to think. There is a nursing job shortage right now and tons of new grads as well as seasoned nurses are having a hard time finding a job. Spending 40K on a career that you're only lukewarm about to find that at the end of all the education you're unable to find a job might be disheartening. Of course in two years when your program is done, things may have turned around. Either way be sure to know what you're getting yourself into and have a relatively good idea of how you plan to weather the struggles that come. You don't have to be 100% sure, as that's impossible, but be comfortable enough for your own personal need. Good luck with your decision! If you need more time, ask your school for a deferment :)

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Chapis, great questions. I actually looked into a Speech Pathology program at a local State University on Saturday, but I wasn't impressed with the program. I've also thought about Occupational Therapy, but there are no schools in my area that have an OT program. Sometimes I just want to be a stay at home mom and other times I feel like if I don't finish my degree that I will feel unfulfilled...although I don't know if I'll even use the degree after graduation. If I do go through with school, I'll likely be ready to pop out a baby at graduation and won't even go to work as a nurse. I don't want to waste all these credits I've earned.... can't they just add up all my credits and give me a degree in "undecided"? :chuckle Such a dilemma!

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Having butterflies about starting nursing school is completely normal. I felt the same way a few weeks before school started for me this past fall. Unfortunately, you're the only one who knows if this profession is right for you. Nursing school can be very difficult, and knowing that I am sure I want to be a nurse and what path I'd like to take with my career has gotten me through the tough times. I'd say if you have hesitancy, really take some serious time to think. There is a nursing job shortage right now and tons of new grads as well as seasoned nurses are having a hard time finding a job. Spending 40K on a career that you're only lukewarm about to find that at the end of all the education you're unable to find a job might be disheartening. Of course in two years when your program is done, things may have turned around. Either way be sure to know what you're getting yourself into and have a relatively good idea of how you plan to weather the struggles that come. You don't have to be 100% sure, as that's impossible, but be comfortable enough for your own personal need. Good luck with your decision! If you need more time, ask your school for a deferment :)

Thanks for the advice! I truly appreciate it! :up: I have thought about asking for a deferment... I'm just so indecisive right now, but I can't be much longer. I need to make a decision soon, so if I'm not going to start the program I can give someone else my spot. I've thought about starting and see how the first semester goes and if it's just fear holding me back... but my hubby isn't keen on that idea since it's thousands of dollars for one semester just to find out if I like it or not... I know I'm not old by any stretch of the imagination, but if I were 4 years younger I would go through with it. But now it's getting to be baby making time and school and the urge to start a family are happening all at once.

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Specializes in ortho, hospice volunteer, psych,.

i think sometimes when we try to make a life altering decision, it's very easy to over think and over analyze the situation. sometimes, you can think soooo much about something -- weighing the pros and cons -- that we end up frustrated and discouraged and just short of panicky.

is being a nurse what you really want or are you doing it to please your mom? that wouldn't be the right reason. can you not imagine being anything else? once you have your bsn, you will have several options. i chose to work parttime and pursue a msn,

but that's just one choice. you're kids-to-be will be little. how about school nursing at some level so your hours would be similar? once you finish, there are many different areas you could look into.

another thought... what about a two year physical therapy assistant (pta) or an occupational therapy assistant (ota) which is also a two year program?

i tend to be a list maker -- pros vs. cons -- then make my decision.

good luck!

kathy

sharpeimom:paw::paw:

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The two things I would advise you to consider are:

1. Everyone doesn't get pregnant right away, some people require years of trying, some people need artificial help.

2. Hate to ask this, but if you and your hubby divorced, would you have a viable occupation to take care of yourself? DON"T answer that here, I just advise women to have a means of caring for themselves financially if necessary.

3. I have young kids and it is not easy to study (my baby just hit me and laughed, oh the joy) so if you can at least BEGIN a program--whichever program yo udecide just begin ok baby is typing now gotta go

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The two things I would advise you to consider are:

1. Everyone doesn't get pregnant right away, some people require years of trying, some people need artificial help.

2. Hate to ask this, but if you and your hubby divorced, would you have a viable occupation to take care of yourself? DON"T answer that here, I just advise women to have a means of caring for themselves financially if necessary.

3. I have young kids and it is not easy to study (my baby just hit me and laughed, oh the joy) so if you can at least BEGIN a program--whichever program yo udecide just begin ok baby is typing now gotta go

I have thought of all 3 of those things and they are absolutely valid points. Just more of the stuff weighing on my mind! (Your baby is a good typist by the way! ;)) Thanks for your thoughts!

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WHy would u waste 5 years of ur life finishing ur pre-reqs to decide u don't want to do. I know everyone has there doubts at the beginning but in the end it will be worth it. If its truly ur dream, never give up. I know many ppl that were prego in NS and took time off, then came back. Im pretty sure u can work something out

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Specializes in UR, oncology, L&D, IVTherapy.

It is a tough profession, it is a calling. And it is tremendpously gratifying. I was debating the next part of my response, but then you practically invited me to share it. I always plead my case (at major forks in the road) on my knees, in church. Think me loony if you must, but I have never failed to get a response! Never!! I think you'll regret giving up the gratification. Is it your calling?

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It is a tough profession, it is a calling. And it is tremendpously gratifying. I was debating the next part of my response, but then you practically invited me to share it. I always plead my case (at major forks in the road) on my knees, in church. Think me loony if you must, but I have never failed to get a response! Never!! I think you'll regret giving up the gratification. Is it your calling?

I don't think you are loony at all! I spent over an hour on my knees in prayer yesterday morning about this! I ultimately want God's will and need Him to give me a peace about a decision so that I know it's the right one. I don't know if it is my calling. Can I do it, yes. Would I be a good nurse, yes in the sense that I have a ton of compassion for people. Do I want to do it, not sure. I think I've just been mindlessly plugging along at it all this time and have lost sight of why and if I really want to do it. And now that I'm at the time of my life when I'd like to start a family, it is making the decision harder. My hubby is leaning toward trying for a baby instead of school, but he just wants me to be happy. There are so many factors weighing on my decision and it's been difficult for me to put aside all my thoughts and just listen to what God wants. Your advice is definitely good! I will be in prayer again this morning!

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i think sometimes when we try to make a life altering decision, it's very easy to over think and over analyze the situation. sometimes, you can think soooo much about something -- weighing the pros and cons -- that we end up frustrated and discouraged and just short of panicky.

is being a nurse what you really want or are you doing it to please your mom? that wouldn't be the right reason. can you not imagine being anything else? once you have your bsn, you will have several options. i chose to work parttime and pursue a msn,

but that's just one choice. you're kids-to-be will be little. how about school nursing at some level so your hours would be similar? once you finish, there are many different areas you could look into.

another thought... what about a two year physical therapy assistant (pta) or an occupational therapy assistant (ota) which is also a two year program?

i tend to be a list maker -- pros vs. cons -- then make my decision.

good luck!

kathy

sharpeimom:paw::paw:

kathy, thanks for your thoughtful response! i don't believe that i am going in to nursing to please my mom, and i have actually had this discussion with her to make sure that's not why i'm doing it. she can see me as a nurse, but she has also suggested other professions, like ot, to me. i haven't thought about pta or ota but will look in to those. you are right that we definitely can over-analyze when making a big decision.. and i've totally been doing that. i have thought many times, "what else can i be if not a nurse?"...and other than a mommy, i don't know the answer to that. i think a lot of what's driving me right now is fear and doubt. i'm fearful of wasting more time and money and putting off having children only to find out i don't want to be a nurse part way through school. and i'm afraid of going through school, having a baby right after graduation, and then being a stay at home mom to possibly 2-3 kids for over a 10 year span, all the while having put my family into more debt from nursing school loans.... maybe i should make a pro v. cons list... that's a good idea. :idea: i don't see myself ever working full-time as a nurse, unless maybe i was a school nurse. it would most likely be a part-time/per diem career for me.

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