This is the first time I'm posting on allnurses.com although I have been stalking the website for over a year.
Please bear with me, this is long, but I am at a major fork in my road and need some advice....
Here is my dilemma. I am 29 years old, married for 2 years, no children yet. I have been pursuing nursing for about 5 years, took time off to get married and move, but basically I have been taking pre-reqs for that long. My mom is a RN and I grew up never wanting to become a nurse because I saw how burned out she was, although to this day, after 35 years in nursing, she still loves her field. She looks at it as a call to service which is totally is.
I am done with my prereqs and about to start a BSN program next month, embarking on a 2 year journey through the hell that is nursing school. I'm more scared than excited. I am also at the time of my life where I would like to begin having children - if it wasn't for nursing school we'd probably start trying next spring. I don't want to be just graduating from nursing school at 31-32 years old and having my first child then. But I also don't want to look back years from now and regret not finishing nursing school. My goal is/was to become a school nurse. (ps, I am a Licensed Massage Therapist, but no longer practice due to tendonitis)
I am a very compassionate person, I love people, I love helping people, I think people are fascinating. I am a lighthearted person and I think I have a great sense of humor - which I think you need to have to be a nurse! I started working in health care at 18 yrs old, taking care of severely handicapped adults, and also worked in mental health as a nurse assistant (not as a CNA) for about 3 years in my early 20s. I have been pooped on, puked on, hair pulled, smacked, etc. As I found myself working in health care in my early twenties I started to think I should just become a nurse. While I loved taking care of people and I loved the rewarding feeling I had when I would walk into a patient's room and they would say to me, "oh thank God it's you!", I am having doubts that this profession is 100% for me now that I am on the cusp of nursing school.
Admittedly, I've gotten kind of spoiled over the past 4-5 years I've been out of the health care field and in cushy office jobs. I also don't want to go to school, take out $40k in loans, and then have to be paying back those loans while having kids and staying home with them. I think I might like the idea of being a nurse more than the actual day-to-day reality.
I presently have a great part time job with a local teachers' union, although it is a little lonely at times as I am by myself in the office most days and I can't say that I get a rewarding feeling from this job like I did when I took care of people. It is low stress and I have all the same holidays and breaks as the teachers in the public school system which is great. I can keep this job through nursing school, but will have to cut back on some hours because of clinical and my employer is talking about hiring someone to come in on the day I have clinical... which makes me a little nervous.
Anyway, I'm having a hard time committing to a decision right now and am very conflicted. I've been back and forth about it since early this year, while on the waiting list before I even knew I was officially in the program. I know can do it and be good at it in many ways. I admire nurses immensely and think that those who truly love what they do are amazing and I love the aspect helping people and making a difference.
I worry that I don't have the toughness or thick enough skin for what a lot of the job entails. I don't mean the excrement side of it. What I mean is that I don't multi-task all that great and I tend to wither under stress. I'm also not good at making crucial decisions (as you can tell from this post! ) and the idea of having someone's life in my hands is petrifying! I'm about to spend at least $40k and 2 years of hell in the BSN program and I'm going into it full of doubt and not 110% sure that it's what I want to do. I have been blessed in that my husband makes enough $ that I won't have to work when we have children and will be able to be a stay at home mom, which is what both my hubby and I want. But because of our income, I don't receive financial aid of any kind so school is all out of pocket.
I've been dragging my feet about making a decision for months because I've already put so much time, effort and money into the pre-reqs. I've been praying a lightning bolt comes down from heaven and tells me what to do!
I love people. I want to make a difference. But I'm so conflicted. Any advice or even just prayers would help greatly! You may be able to read between the lines and see something I don't! Thanks!!
One reason I choose nursing for my 2nd career is for the flexibility of scheduling (3 12hr days is very mommy-friendly for me). I would definitely caution against student loans, since you don't want a "full career" just per diem, why not get an ADN for less (community college probably around $6000 so you can pay it out of pocket). They probably will be very accomadating once you get preggo. Remember that the kids will eventually go to school, and you may want to pursue a career then, but you may find your pre-reqs "expired" by then. Also you can have 2 to 3 kids in less than 10 years (some people have 2 in 2 years ). I am beginning nursing school with small kids, and studying is not easy at all, especially trying to study once they sleep--bcse of course you are sleepy from all the playing, cooking, and cleaning during the day. I have a nurse friend who was a stay at home mom and just worked as necessary to keep up her licensure. Now that all kids are school age, she's working weekends so that she's home when they come home from school during the week.
) and the idea of having someone's life in my hands is petrifying! I'm about to spend at least $40k and 2 years of hell in the BSN program and I'm going into it full of doubt and not 110% sure that it's what I want to do. I have been blessed in that my husband makes enough $ that I won't have to work when we have children and will be able to be a stay at home mom, which is what both my hubby and I want. But because of our income, I don't receive financial aid of any kind so school is all out of pocket.
acubed
76 Posts
One reason I choose nursing for my 2nd career is for the flexibility of scheduling (3 12hr days is very mommy-friendly for me). I would definitely caution against student loans, since you don't want a "full career" just per diem, why not get an ADN for less (community college probably around $6000 so you can pay it out of pocket). They probably will be very accomadating once you get preggo. Remember that the kids will eventually go to school, and you may want to pursue a career then, but you may find your pre-reqs "expired" by then. Also you can have 2 to 3 kids in less than 10 years (some people have 2 in 2 years
). I am beginning nursing school with small kids, and studying is not easy at all, especially trying to study once they sleep--bcse of course you are sleepy from all the playing, cooking, and cleaning during the day. I have a nurse friend who was a stay at home mom and just worked as necessary to keep up her licensure. Now that all kids are school age, she's working weekends so that she's home when they come home from school during the week.