My 17 year old son has been missing since last night. We've had trouble with him in the past year with drinking and marijuana, and he's been in counseling. But the past few months he's been clean. We know this because we have him randomly tested. His grades improved, his personality improved.
Last night he got drunk with a friend and they vandalized a car. He called us this morning on his cell phone, and said he was lost in some woods, then the battery went dead. I know he's terrified of the trouble he's going to be in.
I'm not excusing his behavior. He will have to pay the consequences when he comes home. But he does have a suspected anxiety disorder and when something goes wrong, he panics.
The police went looking for him, my husband is looking for him, our friends are looking for him. I'm waiting by the phone. After two hours, the police called off their search saying that if he knows they're looking it will chase him away even more. How in the heck is he supposed to know they aren't looking for him??????
It's cold and raining out and he's only wearing a t-shirt and jeans. I only hope he finds shelter.
I'm not even sure why I posted this here. I just know that in the past you've all given your prayers and best wishes to others.
I have never been so lost or so scared in my life.
I hope being in custody scares the daylight out of him.
Tough love works once you start down that path you can't turn back you'll seem like "the bad guy" to your son but deep down in his heart he knows you love him & you're doing the right thing.
I hope being in custody scares the daylight out of him.
Tough love works once you start down that path you can't turn back you'll seem like "the bad guy" to your son but deep down in his heart he knows you love him & you're doing the right thing.
I also am so glad that he was found. I have 14 year old son who doesn't have the drug and drinking history, but he has gone off to places without telling us where he is. They just don't get how scary that is for a parent. My heart stopped when I read your post and I got a sick feeling in my stomach just thinking about what you were going through. I was so glad after reading more of the posts to find out that he was ok.
I also am so glad that he was found. I have 14 year old son who doesn't have the drug and drinking history, but he has gone off to places without telling us where he is. They just don't get how scary that is for a parent. My heart stopped when I read your post and I got a sick feeling in my stomach just thinking about what you were going through. I was so glad after reading more of the posts to find out that he was ok.
A different circumstance but my son ended up cuffed in front of his friends and thrown in jail and it DID motivate him...hope this situation has the same effect on your boy, Cyberkat!
Only fellow mothers fully understand the pain our children can inflict on our hearts. Your family is in my thoughts and prayers.
A different circumstance but my son ended up cuffed in front of his friends and thrown in jail and it DID motivate him...hope this situation has the same effect on your boy, Cyberkat!
Only fellow mothers fully understand the pain our children can inflict on our hearts. Your family is in my thoughts and prayers.
Specializes in midwifery, ophthalmics, general practice.
I am so glad he is ok!
my little brother- now a very respectable 36yr old! went off the rails at 17 and spent a night in the cells- it scared him witless and he's been good ever since!!!
if you need a hand choking him- let me know- I choke my 16yr on a regular basis!!! he just looks at me and asks if I am going to go incandesant with rage again!!!!
Specializes in midwifery, ophthalmics, general practice.
I am so glad he is ok!
my little brother- now a very respectable 36yr old! went off the rails at 17 and spent a night in the cells- it scared him witless and he's been good ever since!!!
if you need a hand choking him- let me know- I choke my 16yr on a regular basis!!! he just looks at me and asks if I am going to go incandesant with rage again!!!!
The good news, at least to us is the police ended up arresting him. That was his biggest fear. The office actually asked us if it was ok, because most parents fight them on it. We told the officer to go ahead and scare the crap out of him to the max.
Son is sitll in our custody, but he knows if there's a next time it's handcuffs and a trip to the detention center. Hopefully this will open his eyes some more.
Again, I can't thakn you enough. I'll look into the Tough Love too, now that I'm awake.
I'm so glad that everything worked out well.. Your son sounds alot like my younger brother... He had always been a lil bit of an outcast even with my parents (that is a whole other story)... He hated school, he never tried.. the kid is smart, but not with the books.. He can tear are radio system in a truck apart and put it back together NO problem, but give him a math problem and he is stuck.. Well he finally dropped out of Highschool... Things only went downhill from there... Him and my dad NEVER got along after that, which everyone told my parents.. "Don't worry about him, he is doing what teenage boys do" I was like bull crap.. I always told my parents that something was wrong with my brother ever since he was 12 or so... ( I am 5yrs older) They never listened to me...
Well he started "experimenting" with other peoples depression meds and one night coming home from work he almost ran off a bridge, thank god for the guard rail.. You would think that would scare him.. Nah...He was a lil shook up, stopped taking other peoples meds...
Well on a cold december night, about two years ago.. I got a phone call at 2 in the morning from my parents (I now live 8hrs from home).. This phone call was to tell me that my brother just broke into a daycare and stole a computer and was arrested (WTF, he has a computer..) My mom was all upset b/c everyone told them to leave him in jail for the night, she didn't want to do it, but I even thought it would be good for him... Only thing that scares my mom is my brother has asthma attacks, and has also been talking suicide since he was 15.. So the cops said they would put him in the "Suicide Watch" room... She left him, crying.. telling her how sorry he was, that he didn't know why he did it...
Well he was looking at prison time (5-25yrs)... He went to a psychiatrist and they did all kind of brain tests and the test came back showing a problem in the area of his brain that controls rational thought, and the psychiatrist said my brother was very depressed and needed to be put on meds... Well the report went to both lawyers, copies of the brain test, and he was given 5yrs probation and is required to get his GED...
He is on a depression med, which seems to help.. He still has his moments, but I think the very scary event is helping to straighten him up, b/c he realizes if he screws up now off to jail he goes...
The whole point of me sharing my screwed up family life with you, is sometimes it does take the Tough love and things like your son just went through to straighten up.. And sometimes it takes more... You just have to let your son know that ya'll love him, even when he screws up...
The good news, at least to us is the police ended up arresting him. That was his biggest fear. The office actually asked us if it was ok, because most parents fight them on it. We told the officer to go ahead and scare the crap out of him to the max.
Son is sitll in our custody, but he knows if there's a next time it's handcuffs and a trip to the detention center. Hopefully this will open his eyes some more.
Again, I can't thakn you enough. I'll look into the Tough Love too, now that I'm awake.
I'm so glad that everything worked out well.. Your son sounds alot like my younger brother... He had always been a lil bit of an outcast even with my parents (that is a whole other story)... He hated school, he never tried.. the kid is smart, but not with the books.. He can tear are radio system in a truck apart and put it back together NO problem, but give him a math problem and he is stuck.. Well he finally dropped out of Highschool... Things only went downhill from there... Him and my dad NEVER got along after that, which everyone told my parents.. "Don't worry about him, he is doing what teenage boys do" I was like bull crap.. I always told my parents that something was wrong with my brother ever since he was 12 or so... ( I am 5yrs older) They never listened to me...
Well he started "experimenting" with other peoples depression meds and one night coming home from work he almost ran off a bridge, thank god for the guard rail.. You would think that would scare him.. Nah...He was a lil shook up, stopped taking other peoples meds...
Well on a cold december night, about two years ago.. I got a phone call at 2 in the morning from my parents (I now live 8hrs from home).. This phone call was to tell me that my brother just broke into a daycare and stole a computer and was arrested (WTF, he has a computer..) My mom was all upset b/c everyone told them to leave him in jail for the night, she didn't want to do it, but I even thought it would be good for him... Only thing that scares my mom is my brother has asthma attacks, and has also been talking suicide since he was 15.. So the cops said they would put him in the "Suicide Watch" room... She left him, crying.. telling her how sorry he was, that he didn't know why he did it...
Well he was looking at prison time (5-25yrs)... He went to a psychiatrist and they did all kind of brain tests and the test came back showing a problem in the area of his brain that controls rational thought, and the psychiatrist said my brother was very depressed and needed to be put on meds... Well the report went to both lawyers, copies of the brain test, and he was given 5yrs probation and is required to get his GED...
He is on a depression med, which seems to help.. He still has his moments, but I think the very scary event is helping to straighten him up, b/c he realizes if he screws up now off to jail he goes...
The whole point of me sharing my screwed up family life with you, is sometimes it does take the Tough love and things like your son just went through to straighten up.. And sometimes it takes more... You just have to let your son know that ya'll love him, even when he screws up...
You are doing the right thing. Too many parents let their kids off the hook too easily -- "not my kid mentality" -- and it is the kid that ultimately suffers. With your firm support and unconditional love (just because you love him doesn't mean you have to love everything he does) he will be ok. He needs to take responsibility for his behavior -- he owns his actions. He is not the only teenager to drink and smoke pot "but mom ... everyone is doing it" -- and many are. But the point is that he was the one caught -- and, in the long run, you are all lucky this happened -- although it may not seem so right now. He has some behaviors he needs to address, and needs to get some counseling -- which will only work if he is committed. He may need to find a different group of friends-- or be with them only around adult supervision. His path may not be easy -- no one is promised an easy path in life. It is through trials and tribulations, and accepting responsibility for one's actions that one turns out to be a responsible adult. Everyone makes mistakes. It's what we learn from our mistakes that matters. We grow ... we evolve. And many of us have been exactly where you are right now. Things do work out.
I think you are a great mom. Hang in there and know that you have much support, understanding, and prayers from this board. Remember, you are never alone -- you can count on us for our honest opinions and unwavering support. Good luck. He will be fine.
You are doing the right thing. Too many parents let their kids off the hook too easily -- "not my kid mentality" -- and it is the kid that ultimately suffers. With your firm support and unconditional love (just because you love him doesn't mean you have to love everything he does) he will be ok. He needs to take responsibility for his behavior -- he owns his actions. He is not the only teenager to drink and smoke pot "but mom ... everyone is doing it" -- and many are. But the point is that he was the one caught -- and, in the long run, you are all lucky this happened -- although it may not seem so right now. He has some behaviors he needs to address, and needs to get some counseling -- which will only work if he is committed. He may need to find a different group of friends-- or be with them only around adult supervision. His path may not be easy -- no one is promised an easy path in life. It is through trials and tribulations, and accepting responsibility for one's actions that one turns out to be a responsible adult. Everyone makes mistakes. It's what we learn from our mistakes that matters. We grow ... we evolve. And many of us have been exactly where you are right now. Things do work out.
I think you are a great mom. Hang in there and know that you have much support, understanding, and prayers from this board. Remember, you are never alone -- you can count on us for our honest opinions and unwavering support. Good luck. He will be fine.
yannadey, LPN
119 Posts
I hope being in custody scares the daylight out of him.
Tough love works once you start down that path you can't turn back you'll seem like "the bad guy" to your son but deep down in his heart he knows you love him & you're doing the right thing.
I'll continue to say a prayer for your family.