This is a long vent but hear me out... So we are doing mock surveys to prepare for Joint Commission. We were warned ahead of time like 8:30 am) that they would be doing tracers and start reviewing charts. Well of course I have my orientee with me-a new grad who is very chatty and has a million questions and we are down a tech so we are doing our own vital signs, care, etc. Plus PT/OT see pts at this time so its very busy. At 9.30am 3 ladies arrive on the unit to do the survey and pull a chart. My patient. Okay. So I go in there and try to answer the questions as best I can. Of course things are not done and paperwork is missing but I am used to that. I can't control these things. They ask me all sorts of questions-about cleaning equipment, about the fridge, etc. I thought I was just being straight forward and to the point with them.
After the tracer is over my manager pulls me into her office. She says that she got feedback today that I was rude, acted like I was disinterested, and made snide comments during the survey. I was so embarrassed. I know I can come off as distant and cold when I first meet people because I am very serious but I wasn't trying to give any attitude. She also mentioned that in a previous survey that feedback was given about me-how come no one ever told me? Now I am beginning to second guess myself. Does everyone think I am being rude if I am not touchy feely and chatty with them? I have never been that type of person. My manager went on about how I seem to have trouble when I am trying to multitask or work under pressure and that things wont always be perfect and go my way, etc. Huh? I had my yearly evaluation last week and none of this was mentioned. She literally yelled for 15 minutes. I am not a crier but I did shed some tears in her office. And on the drive home.
I don't know what to think about her comments. I just want to hide under a rock and never go back to work.
Specializes in Spinal Cord injuries, Emergency+EMS.
. She literally yelled for 15 minutes. I am not a crier but I did shed some tears in her office. And on the drive home.
that is unacceptable full stop , there is no scenario where this is acceptable ... write her up as the bully s/he is. either to HR or to the next step in the chain of command ( for me in the UK it would be the Matron ( Clinical Nurse Manager for the speciality group) or the Assistant exec Director of Nursing for the service group)
if you are left feeling unwell mentally or physically from this go to your Family Doctor and/or your Occupational Health department ...
I think it's sad that when one is stressed to the max they have to wear a mask and fake smile and pretend everything's ok like they're on holiday!
Basically become a stepford nurse and everyone will be happier with you! Just don't forget to take your tranquilizers!
I think nurses are human beings with human responses, and that the public can sometimes have an unrealistic expectation of nurses.
However, I also think that if this is how you feel, this is indicative of a problem somewhere. Whether it's environmental or internal, something needs to be addressed.
For me, it's not about being a "Stepford nurse", it's about having control over the perceptions that others have of me. Only when you can control yourself will you be able to walk into a room and take control, and in the environment I work in, this is a very highly valued skill.
Only females tend the jump the gun and misinterprete without asking first for a confirmation of your thoughts.
A guy would play it off or crack a joke and then YOU find yourself apologising and opning up.
PS- I love nursing just not the bunch of hormones in it.
I don't find either approach you mention to be exclusive of one gender or another. I find that there is a range of human responses to the environment and the stimuli in it that people of either gender can just as easily demonstrate.
It may be true that women are generally better interpreters of nonverbal communication, and that because of our cultural training, we are more likely to be passive aggressive than to be assertive. Despite that, this does not translate to "women are always _______". People can be self aware and can put in the work necessary to break out of unhealthy learned patterns.
However, in the big picture, I really don't want my patients to have to worry about whether I am ticked off, stressed out, or just concentrating or busy. This undermines the confidence they would otherwise have that they are getting good, competent care. The work that I have to do to hone my interpersonal skills, nonverbal communication, and arrange my life in a way that I am satisfied, is MY work, not the work of my co-workers or patients.
And to the OP, I'm still wondering if your manager "literally yelled", as in, raised her voice to a shouting level. Sometimes when people say someone else is "yelling", they mean something different, like maybe the person just has an intensity or urgency or certain tone in their voice.
I remember when my kids were teenagers, and I would get stern with them sometimes over things like picking up after themselves. Even though my voice was not any louder than normal, they would say "Stop yelling at me!" as if I were actually shouting.
And to the OP, I'm still wondering if your manager "literally yelled", as in, raised her voice to a shouting level. Sometimes when people say someone else is "yelling", they mean something different, like maybe the person just has an intensity or urgency or certain tone in their voice.
hmmmm.
sounds comparable to nurses eating their young....where in fact, we (the nurse-eaters) are not as vicious and merciless as we're made out to be.
I so needed this thread. I too have been accused of being difficult to work with. So now I'm going to ask for specific examples. I would love to quit and start off fresh somewhere else since I feel that I have been labeled.
Specializes in Critical Care, ED, Cath lab, CTPAC,Trauma.
This is a long vent but hear me out... So we are doing mock surveys to prepare for Joint Commission. We were warned ahead of time like 8:30 am) that they would be doing tracers and start reviewing charts. Well of course I have my orientee with me-a new grad who is very chatty and has a million questions and we are down a tech so we are doing our own vital signs, care, etc. Plus PT/OT see pts at this time so its very busy. At 9.30am 3 ladies arrive on the unit to do the survey and pull a chart. My patient. Okay. So I go in there and try to answer the questions as best I can. Of course things are not done and paperwork is missing but I am used to that. I can't control these things. They ask me all sorts of questions-about cleaning equipment, about the fridge, etc. I thought I was just being straight forward and to the point with them.
After the tracer is over my manager pulls me into her office. She says that she got feedback today that I was rude, acted like I was disinterested, and made snide comments during the survey. I was so embarrassed. I know I can come off as distant and cold when I first meet people because I am very serious but I wasn't trying to give any attitude. She also mentioned that in a previous survey that feedback was given about me-how come no one ever told me? Now I am beginning to second guess myself. Does everyone think I am being rude if I am not touchy feely and chatty with them? I have never been that type of person. My manager went on about how I seem to have trouble when I am trying to multitask or work under pressure and that things wont always be perfect and go my way, etc. Huh? I had my yearly evaluation last week and none of this was mentioned. She literally yelled for 15 minutes. I am not a crier but I did shed some tears in her office. And on the drive home.
I don't know what to think about her comments. I just want to hide under a rock and never go back to work.
Stress affects people differently and Joint Commision brings out the worst in everybody. The stress involved inpreparing for a survey behind the scenes is unbelieveable. By your own admission you can come off distant and cold (disinterested/snide) when first encountered........If you recognize this then can you imagine how it comes off to a complete stranger.
Senario.....It's 8:45 and you look up and see three women comming down the hallway and you think......Oh crap :uhoh3:here they come those stupid joint commisison poeple, just in time to really screw up my morning, don' t they know how busy I am? I have a ton of stuff to do............[you stop walking and look around for a quick escape.......shoot they saw you....you sigh and roll your eyes:uhoh3:......besides you] have the orientee with-a new grad who is very chatty:yeah:and has a million questions :nurse:and we are down a tech :down:so we are doing our own vital signs, care, etc. Plus PT/OT see pts at this time so its very busy. At 9.30am 3 ladies arrive on the unit to do the survey and pull a chart.:chair: My patient. Okay. So I go in there and try to answer the questions as best I can. Of course things are not done and paperwork is missing :smackingfbut I am used to that. I can't control these things. They ask me all sorts of questions-about cleaning equipment, about the fridge, etc. (really?) :cool:I thought I was just being straight forward and to the point with them. :grn: ..........won't they ever leave?????:angthts:
It Didn't translate very well, sometimes our annoyance is difficult to conceal....these tracers can be JC people themselves and the hospital pays money for this (there goes the raise...). Administration takes the suggestions very seriously and hold the managers responsible......your bosses job may be on the line. I know someone who works and the "Joint" and you should hear about the stres there!!!!:icon_roll Those surveryors want to be greeted by a happy, helpful, staff member that if they don't know the answer they know how to find it!!! So even if you are over the deep end ......PRETEND!!!! You recognize it's a personality trait and ask your boss after she's not stressed as much in the moment what sugesstions she has and the you'll try harder......that you are aware you can come off that way but that isn't you and RELAX!!!!!:hug: This too shall pass......:)
Thanks for all the responses. I went back to work today and my manager seemed to be laying low today-hung out mostly in her office. Just to answer a few questions...the feedback I got from the first tracer I did a few months ago in the beginning of the summer was that I should relax, try to answer just the question asked and not using phrases like "I think" which is my version of like. I say it without even realizing it.
I have to say this-I am reserved when I first meet people. But during this tracer I was accused of making a sarcastic remark. I asked the other nurse if she heard me say anything like that. She said no. But I don't think my manager really cares and it would just be a he said/she said sort of thing so I didn't protest.
I understand the message she was trying to deliver but the way she delivered it was uncalled for. Yes she was yelling and the last people that yelled at me like that were my parents.
Ah yes. The subjective Interpersonal Communication. This one gets us all. Its not what you do- its how you made other people feel about what you did and how you did it. Is this fair? Maybe.
Finding a deficiency that cannot be measured with objecive tools is a good technique for ensuring that you are either attempting to improve, or attempting to leave. Are you perceived as deficient by your patients? Maybe- if you conduct business like you are doing calculus online and not working with people. But that might be measured by some kind of stats (mail-in reviews perhaps?). So its right back to how someone thinks you are doing or saying something, and the perceived motives you might have.
Is this vague? Yes! Can you fix it? Yes!
Yes? you say. Of course. We all nurse and chart like we are going to court. (Cover my *ss). Some of us work like there are cameras EVERYWHERE. (And maybe the walls are bugged). And now some of us are speaking to EVERYONE EVERYWHERE like we may be tipped. (Anyone remember waiting tables? Everyone got a smile, some good cheer, even that loudmouth with the picky palate).)
So, now we are all on reality TV, at least in our minds. A little fake? Yes. But I have a sneaky suspicion that not even MY boss has all happy thoughts about this organization, and even she talks and acts like this is all one big nice place. We all must now pretend that its a combination Reality Television-Restaurant. Thats not so hard.
The work that I have to do to hone my interpersonal skills, nonverbal communication, and arrange my life in a way that I am satisfied, is MY work, not the work of my co-workers or patients.
don' t they know how busy I am? I have a ton of stuff to do............[you stop walking and look around for a quick escape.......shoot they saw you....you sigh and roll your eyes:uhoh3:......besides you] have the orientee with-a new grad who is very chatty:yeah:and has a million questions :nurse:and we are down a tech :down:so we are doing our own vital signs, care, etc. Plus PT/OT see pts at this time 
so its very busy. At 9.30am 3 ladies arrive on the unit to do the survey and pull a chart.:chair: My patient. Okay. 
So I go in there and try to answer the questions as best I can. Of course things are not done and paperwork is missing :smackingfbut I am used to that. I can't control these things. They ask me all sorts of questions-about cleaning equipment, about the fridge, etc. 
(really?) :cool:I thought I was just being straight forward and to the point with them. :grn: ..........won't they ever leave?????:angthts:
). Administration takes the suggestions very seriously and hold the managers responsible......your bosses job may be on the line. I know someone who works and the "Joint" and you should hear about the stres there!!!!:icon_roll
ZippyGBR, BSN, RN
1,038 Posts
that is unacceptable full stop , there is no scenario where this is acceptable ... write her up as the bully s/he is. either to HR or to the next step in the chain of command ( for me in the UK it would be the Matron ( Clinical Nurse Manager for the speciality group) or the Assistant exec Director of Nursing for the service group)
if you are left feeling unwell mentally or physically from this go to your Family Doctor and/or your Occupational Health department ...