My husband won't let me do bed baths

TallGirlAni · Sep 22, 2006

Since you have already told your husband about this assignment, and he has told you what he feels about it, maybe you could switch with another to get assigned a female partner. Ask your instructor in private that this is your preference (religious or ethical issues). Does not seem too outrageous especially since you are getting the sponge bath by a male.

That is, if you do not want to lie to your husband.

Next, you may want to consider not lying, but not volunteering so much information to him about your schoolwork and hospital work in the future, since you already know where he stands.

Unless you want to take a stand...

I cannot tell you how many times I have had to hold a man's member while he pees (could not move his arms), or have had to put a condom catheter on a patient, or have had to insert suppositories, foleys, cut away pubic hairs, sponge baths, etc. And I am a new grad!

I, as we all, have had to do some pretty personal things, and flirting was far from my mind when I was doing them. The bottom line is that I am my patients' advocate and the buck stops with me. I will do everything I can for them and my ego and gross meter goes out the window when I begin my assignments on the floor.

We can all state how horrible it is that your husband is acting so jealous, immature, etc, but the bottom line remains, he is what he is. Most likely will not change with your reasoning. So, now that you know where he stands, you can decide how to get your job done without too much of a hassle. This is very good practice. You will need this skill when you practice throughout your nursing career.

Cosper123 · Sep 22, 2006

Marie LPN hit it spot on, sweeping it under the rug is no way to deal with a problem.

You really seem to have a bigger problem than bed baths here. Considering the scope of care you will be giving, bed baths will be the least of your dominating husband's problems. If you are going to allow your husband to control you in such a manner, then perhaps you should consider a different profession. I am not saying this to be cruel, but you will need to take certain steps to get your husband on board to respect both your chosen path and you.

Quite frankly my first thought here is that your husband is being severely immature. Then again, he could just be ignorant of what nursing care actually consists of. You should probably be very open about everything, including what is to come. Lies and deception as suggested by some people are not a solution...You either need to resolve the issues surrounding your chosen path, or resolve the issues that are clouding your relationship with your husband.

I myself have strong opinions of what I expect of my wife and our relationship. However, you would never hear her say that I am not "letting" her do something.

Best wishes to you and your husband, and I hope you guys can resolve this.

kayjaylamb · Sep 22, 2006

He has to know that your going to be taking care of male patients one day right? Perhaps he feels that your classmate is different than patients who come and go, as you certainly spend many hours in class, study groups etc. Iron it out now so you don't have to walk on eggshells for the rest of your career.

One of my first clinical days, I had THREE penile implant patients that I had to change dressings on. You never know what you'll get in clincal!!!

Good Luck

Jules A, MSN · Sep 22, 2006

Marie LPN hit it spot on, sweeping it under the rug is no way to deal with a problem.
You really seem to have a bigger problem than bed baths here. Considering the scope of care you will be giving, bed baths will be the least of your dominating husband's problems. If you are going to allow your husband to control you in such a manner, then perhaps you should consider a different profession. I am not saying this to be cruel, but you will need to take certain steps to get your husband on board to respect both your chosen path and you.
Quite frankly my first thought here is that your husband is being severely immature. Then again, he could just be ignorant of what nursing care actually consists of. You should probably be very open about everything, including what is to come. Lies and deception as suggested by some people are not a solution...You either need to resolve the issues surrounding your chosen path, or resolve the issues that are clouding your relationship with your husband.
I myself have strong opinions of what I expect of my wife and our relationship. However, you would never hear her say that I am not "letting" her do something.
Best wishes to you and your husband, and I hope you guys can resolve this.

Thank you for adding a man's perspective here. I agree that hiding things from my partner is not the way I choose to live my life. I have always believed that he should trust my judgement enough to know that I would never act inappropriately. Our expectations of each other include respect and trust.

blueberry21 · Sep 22, 2006

Well, I wish my husband would tell ME that! Ha! Like I WANT to give bed baths!!!!

Well, I wouldnt mind it if they were all cutie pies,--- but since that is not the case, maybe he can get a job making so much cash that you wont have to work and you could just shop all day long!!!!!

:twocents:

Sheri257 · Sep 22, 2006

I'm sorry but, I find this part of the headline hilarious ...

"My husband won't let me ... "

As if my husband could ever tell me what to do or what not to do ...

He wouldn't dare, even in his dreams ...

:lol2:

MuddaMia · Sep 22, 2006

I'm sorry but, I find this part of headline hilarious ...
"My husband won't let me ... "
As if my husband could ever tell me what to do or what not to do ...
He wouldn't dare, even in his dreams ...

:yeahthat:

Liddle Noodnik · Sep 23, 2006

I told my husband that we are doing bed baths in lab on Friday. He looked at me strange and asked me why on earth I would want to do that. I told him that it is just something you do as a nurse. He looked at me weird and I told him we would be in shorts and a tank top. He said "Your not letting some guy practice on you!" I told him that it was a medical professional think and that it was not like the male student would be turned on or something. He said that the guy could and that no guy was giving me a sponge bath. I asked, "what if I was in an accident and in the hospital and they had to give me a bath?" and he said "I would give you a bath":madface: Has any one hand any problems with this? I better not tell him that eventually we will be learning to do cathaters...on males...

He won't complain after you get your first paycheck

Seriously - "let" is such an awful word. It doesn't belong in any kind of a relationship, unless you are in danger of harming yourself or someone else. Giving a bath doesn't qualify for that.

Liddle Noodnik · Sep 23, 2006

Kind of off-topic, but I still wonder why the nursing school does it like this. Ours did it too, and we were just embarrassed to be in shorts and washing each other's cellulite. But seriously, I wondered why we couldn't have just done mannekins? If it was to have real person practice, then without doing the really embarrassing parts (which we didn't- thankfully!!), what new thing did anyone learn? Who on earth hasn't washed someone's back or helped a grandma put cream on her legs, or some such other related experience? What the heck did we learn from each other in shorts that we couldn't have learned on a mannekin? Seemed a silly exercise to me and about as fun and arousing as receiving an enema...but back to husband issue...best that you help him get a better idea of what nursing is all about-SOON. You won't want to be having these kinds of battles over every new skill or real life experience in nursing clinicals!

The bath experience is two-fold, I think. One, it trains the nurse to care for a patient. Two, it trains a nurse to put her/himself in the PLACE of a patient; to know how it FEELS to be helpless and cared for that way.

Marie_LPN, RN, LPN, RN · Sep 23, 2006

Since you have already told your husband about this assignment, and he has told you what he feels about it, maybe you could switch with another to get assigned a female partner

I don't agree with this at all. You won't be able to switch around pts. and nurses in the real world.

rhenmag9 · Sep 23, 2006

your husband must learn how you will be working as a nurse....and must accept the fact of the nature of work....sponge bath,catheters...etc.. :rolleyes:

Marie_LPN, RN, LPN, RN · Sep 23, 2006

Kinda wonder if the man knows what an enema is?