My husband won't let me do bed baths

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I told my husband that we are doing bed baths in lab on Friday. He looked at me strange and asked me why on earth I would want to do that. I told him that it is just something you do as a nurse. He looked at me weird and I told him we would be in shorts and a tank top. He said "Your not letting some guy practice on you!" I told him that it was a medical professional think and that it was not like the male student would be turned on or something. He said that the guy could and that no guy was giving me a sponge bath. I asked, "what if I was in an accident and in the hospital and they had to give me a bath?" and he said "I would give you a bath":madface: Has any one hand any problems with this? I better not tell him that eventually we will be learning to do cathaters...on males...

Skittlez,

I think you hit the nail on the head. "Really I believe that telling your husband those kinds of details is to get a "rise" out of him." We all know what buttons to push or not push. So do they. There are lots of things that go on at my job now that I don't need to share with him, not that they are bad, but because he might take them wrong.

And as far as your hypothesis, you might have something. The OP may still be at that stage where she doesn't mind being told what she can & cannot do. In that case, if he were to tell her that she couldn't do bed baths, it would be perfectly normal for her to accept his wishes, even though most wives wouldn't. She'll get there.

Dixie

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Specializes in Family Nurse Practitioner.
Really I believe that telling your husband those kinds of details is to get a "rise" out of him. Also when you say your husband won't "let" you do something, it's because you "like" that kind of thing (being told what to do). Just my hypothesis,

I've often wondered that myself. Sometimes it seems as if the women I was in school with were bragging that their SO was jealous. I have no time for it, it is not cute, loving or whatever they see as endearing. It is totally immature and can become dangerous, imvho.

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Specializes in Ortho, Neuro, Detox, Tele.

Ok, as a male student here, I would have a MAJOR problem if a girlfriend/wife told me that no woman better give me a bedbath even if I'm on CBR, grimey, and aching for a good shampoo...The receiving/giving problem is one that comes up every semester. It seemed to be the same opposite sex dynamic that has made sure myself and another male are giving assessment demos on each other, as the competent females seem to have some issue with the males having to manipulate their breasts to place stethoscope to hear heart/lung sounds. I know there will be many patients I will have to win over in my professional career, but I look forward to the challenge.

As medical professionals, there are "parts" on each other we'll have to assess and treat for the body as a whole. After all, if you have to have a Foley, it'll be tough to try to do it without looking!

It's time to grow, and explain that there is NEVER anything remotely sexual about a procedure. (If there is, there might be some professional/ethical issues you need to consider.)

just my .02 cents.

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We got to choose a partner for lung and heart sounds. It was very difficult to hear through the cloths. Myself and another student said that as long as it remained a "learning" experience we had no problem with the male students (only had two in class) putting the stethoscope under our shirts. Per school rules this was not allowed. (neither was testing each other's blood sugars in clinicals, but we did that anyway.) It was just a matter of everyone agreeing on it. And since only two of us agree to the heart and lung sounds under the cloths it didn't go over. Some people are just so immature! Giving another student a bed bath wasn't necessary since we had the manakins for that.

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Specializes in Happily semi-retired; excited for the whole whammy.
I applaud you for being open-minded to male students. Things must have changed, because when I was in school the women bathed the women students and the guys bathed the guys.

I think you are going to have to eventually have a "come to Jesus" talk that you will be providing intimate care to men, and that you will be seeing them naked and he will have to deal with it.

He can't possibly be that naive.

Good luck.

Hmmm... I think I'd be more inclined to go with the ''what he doesn't know won't hurt him'' route and just keep my mouth shut. Go along to get along, as it were. Though, I must say, it does seem a bit unrealistic for him not to realize that you will be working with men once you're a nurse...

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Mercy, I suggested that before too! If someone is that controlling then don't tell them!

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I told my husband that we are doing bed baths in lab on Friday. He looked at me strange and asked me why on earth I would want to do that. I told him that it is just something you do as a nurse. He looked at me weird and I told him we would be in shorts and a tank top. He said "Your not letting some guy practice on you!" I told him that it was a medical professional think and that it was not like the male student would be turned on or something. He said that the guy could and that no guy was giving me a sponge bath. I asked, "what if I was in an accident and in the hospital and they had to give me a bath?" and he said "I would give you a bath":madface: Has any one hand any problems with this? I better not tell him that eventually we will be learning to do cathaters...on males...

Don't feel bad, my husband is the same way. I just told him he needs to get over it. It is a control thing. Our school did not do the girl to girl or guy to guy thing either, the reason is because you had better get over any shyness now. Just tell your husband that you are becoming a nurse, not a Mediao star and that he needs to get over it now, because there is a lot more to worry about than just seeing someone naked or giving them a sponge bath. Did you tell him about the back rubs too? :roll

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Specializes in 5 yrs OR, ASU Pre-Op 2 yr. ER.
Hmmm... I think I'd be more inclined to go with the ''what he doesn't know won't hurt him'' route and just keep my mouth shut. Go along to get along, as it were. Though, I must say, it does seem a bit unrealistic for him not to realize that you will be working with men once you're a nurse...

My only arguement would be, at that rate, you'd never get to talk about your day, though.

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Specializes in 5 yrs OR, ASU Pre-Op 2 yr. ER.

Sweeping it under the rug is not the way to solve a problem.

And i can't imagine that any husband who has a problem with bed baths, would be completely OK with their wife keeping it a secret from him. He finds out, he's probably going to feel betrayed, and the control issue would get worse because he would feel he now had reason to be suspicious.

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Specializes in Trauma, Neuro, M&S ICU.

As a male, and professional, if he has a problem you should discuss it and find out "why" he has a problem. We selected partners as well, and with the 4 guys in my class none practiced bedbaths on another. The main reason I think was to eliminate that uncomfortable feeling of performing that task on the oposite sex. We had rather get that out of the way while practicing, and as soon as possible. If your husband continues to have a problem then as the afore mentioned, don't tell, will be the approach to take. I personally don't understand and wouldn't have a problem with my wife performing those tasks since she would be doing them in the hospital as part of her "job".

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Specializes in Happily semi-retired; excited for the whole whammy.
My only arguement would be, at that rate, you'd never get to talk about your day, though.

I'm a bit jaded right at the moment, having endured some recent unpleasantness of my own.

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