I posted awhile back about my friend who graduated from nursing school (now over a year ago) & delayed getting a job because she had elective surgery.
She is very smart (3.9 GPA in a very competitive program) & this was her second bachelors degree. But because she delayed applying for jobs (she was offered a residency before she even passed her boards) now she is having a very difficult time landing an interview, let alone a job!
She is applying to hospitals in San Antonio & has only had 2 interviews. I've tried to tell her to expand her search outside of San Antonio to smaller towns, but she doesn't listen. I also suggested that she apply to Kindred, the VA & LTC. She always has a bunch of excuses not to. She says she will get a hospital job. But the fact that she is applying to jobs in a city saturated with new RNs doesn't look good for her.
I almost have given up caring. She did it to herself & I've tried to give her suggestions but she just doesn't listen/care. I've been an LVN for 4 years, she's been an unemployed RN for 1. She says she's starting to give up & would rather bag groceries or go back to school, again. For her third bachelors degree.
It just irritates me because she does NOTHING to help herself. She just wants to whine. She doesn't take refresher courses, so it just looks weird having a 1 year gap. She talks about how all of her classmates have jobs. I think to myself, well yeah...you would too if you took that residency & didn't turn it down because it wasn't the speciality you wanted or had surgery. Ugh!
So what was her excuse for turning down a job that even had a sign on bonus? Doesn't she realize she is an old new grad without experience and hospitals prefer fresh new grads if they have a choice? I would tell her you can't understand why she is turning down jobs when she needs one ASAP and no doubt has student loans to pay back and this from two degrees! Student loans must be paid back! She is fast reaching the point of no return where no one will hire her if she keeps refusing the few offers she's been given. I really have to wonder if she is afraid she is not up to snuff and is avoiding working. Book smarts does not equal being good as a nurse, because you need so much more than just book smarts, you need hands on skill, people skill and street smarts!
Tell her you are tired of listening to her complain when she actually had the nerve to turn down a valid job offer! Just because it's not her first choice is no reason to turn it down. It's a matter of getting your foot in the door and getting experience and then you have a chance of transferring to the hospital/field of your choice. That's how the working world works! I hope you told her about all nurses website and let her know there is no shortage of nurses these days! I hope for her sake she wakes up and sees the light. She should have been overjoyed to get a job offer when she has been out of work for over a year!
I think she is entitled because her mom paid her way and she has no skin in the game. She could break the agreement she would just have to pay back the $2500 so don't spend it and keep it safe to pay back if the time comes. That is not a valid reason to turn down a job, esp when she has been out of school for a year with no experience. I have no sympathy for her! She sounds like a prima donna, rich kid who expects everything handed to her. Apparently her parents are quite wealthy if they can fund two college degrees for her. I guess she really doesn't need a job and can just live off her trust fund! You ought to show her these responses on all nurses and maybe she would get a wake up call.
My guess is that when she does get a job she won't last long because she a) can't work weekends cause you know she has kids; b) can't work holidays cause she has kids, c) doesn't do hands on care cause she's and RN with a Gpa of 3.9 and everyone should bow before her.
It sounds as if she has alternate reasons and she's kind of deflecting her real reasons and blaming external sources. Sure the economy is bad and sure she's a stale new grad BUT she was already offered a job! No way! No way! I can't believe it. This girl is just not up for the plate and or she wants to keep being coddled by momma.
Specializes in M/S, LTC, Corrections, PDN & drug rehab.
She always has an excuse for something. Together her & her boyfriend have 5 cats & she refuses to lie about the number they have. I've done it before & never had a problem. She just acts as if it's a huge problem with the cats.
She says because they have so many cats they have to buy a house.
It's obviously causing you some distress and I'm willing to be bet because you're probably a genuine friend who cares so she easily saps you of your energy. Like everyone else said, I'd move on. She wants to dive deep into her melancholic novella.
Specializes in M/S, LTC, Corrections, PDN & drug rehab.
It's obviously causing you some distress and I'm willing to be bet because you're probably a genuine friend who cares so she easily saps you of your energy. Like everyone else said, I'd move on. She wants to dive deep into her melancholic novella.
God helps those who help themselves!
Friends help those who help themselves!
Parents help those who help themselves!
Now I know what my mom went through when I never listened. >.
Specializes in Clinical Research, Outpt Women's Health.
You are not responsible for her mental health or actions an you have crossed the line from friend to enabler. You are allowing her to suck you dry. The only actions you can control are your own. Capische?
I want to tell her how it is but she is SO depressed that I fear if I tell her it might push her over the edge.
Take it from someone who knows what depression is like. Hearing the truth will benefit her more than believing a lie. Meanwhile, it sounds like she is bringing you down with her. You seem to be consumed with worry for her. Are you more of the giver in this friendship than the receiver? She might be depressed but that is no reason to allow her to suck the life out of you. Like Esme said, she is wallowing in her own misery and is her own worst enemy. The poor decisions she's made and the fact that she is still feeling sorry for herself and making excuses for herself and her decisions is proof of this. Talk to her, be honest but be gentle.
You truly sound like a wonderful friend. I know what it is like to worry myself sick about people in my life. Just don't let it get to be too much.
Specializes in M/S, LTC, Corrections, PDN & drug rehab.
I want to thank everyone for all their replies. I now know what I have to do. If she continues I will just sweetly tell her the truth & move on. I have too much great going on for me to let her/the situation bring me down.
brandy1017, ASN, RN
2,910 Posts
So what was her excuse for turning down a job that even had a sign on bonus? Doesn't she realize she is an old new grad without experience and hospitals prefer fresh new grads if they have a choice? I would tell her you can't understand why she is turning down jobs when she needs one ASAP and no doubt has student loans to pay back and this from two degrees! Student loans must be paid back! She is fast reaching the point of no return where no one will hire her if she keeps refusing the few offers she's been given. I really have to wonder if she is afraid she is not up to snuff and is avoiding working. Book smarts does not equal being good as a nurse, because you need so much more than just book smarts, you need hands on skill, people skill and street smarts!
Tell her you are tired of listening to her complain when she actually had the nerve to turn down a valid job offer! Just because it's not her first choice is no reason to turn it down. It's a matter of getting your foot in the door and getting experience and then you have a chance of transferring to the hospital/field of your choice. That's how the working world works! I hope you told her about all nurses website and let her know there is no shortage of nurses these days! I hope for her sake she wakes up and sees the light. She should have been overjoyed to get a job offer when she has been out of work for over a year!