My First Patient Death

Published

Although the title is a little deceiving, because I wasn't actually working when she died.

I had the cutest old lady come in and I did her intake. Her family was very supportive, very nice and loved her very much. She had been walkie/talkie before coming in and didn't come in for anything that would cause swallowing concerns but when I gave her some water she cleared her throat a bit and when she did this a 2nd time I called the doctor for a speech eval because I was worried she was aspirating or on the verge of doing so. The doctor gave me so much pushback and didn't think it was necessary but I pushed back even harder and got my eval. ST did the eval and put her on nectar thicks and a dysphagia diet.

I cared for this lady for a few days. When I got back in 2 days later I saw that her name had been removed from the board, I figured they'd found a place for her to go but the doctor pulled me aside and said she had aspirated and died :/ She told me I'd done everything I could and her family was very appreciative of my care. I also had found out she was DNR so pushed to get that in her chart, "just in case" so she was able to go peacefully when it was decided she wouldn't likely recover.

I'm just kind of sad over this. She wasn't a long-term patient but her and her family really touched me.

Thanks for reading. I just needed an outlet where people would understand

Up Vote Up Vote ×
Specializes in Complex pedi to LTC/SA & now a manager.

It seems that you clearly touched this woman and her family. You stuck up for her to get the needed evaluation and care for suspected dysphasia. Very uncomfortable to slowly silently aspirate as I've been there post extended intubation. Thank goodness for the alert nurse who advocated for speech eval on my behalf or I might not be here today. I only had a few extra ICU days...

You made a difference. You cared. You advocated and didn't back down. It's hard but in a short time you made a huge impact to assist this woman and her family have a peaceful passing in the end. Keep that in your heart.

Up Vote Up Vote ×
Specializes in None yet..

You delivered the gold standard of care. Death is never easy and as the old rabbi said, "When God gives us sorrow, we honor it with tears." Your sadness is a tribute to your open heart and your actions are a tribute to your caring and your professionalism. Bless you for your advocacy for your patient.

Up Vote Up Vote ×
Specializes in Cardiac, ER, Pediatrics, Corrections.

Aww, HUGS! It is great to see such a caring heart! That family knew how much you cared and you definitely made the last few days of that lady's life. She left knowing she was loved and cared for. I remember during my preceptorship during school I had my first code where the person did not make it. (I was lucky enough to have them come back in my previous codes) It was an older gentlemen and I did chest compressions for a good half hour. I was exhausted and was so disappointed when he didn't come back. I was okay until his family came in. His wife sat there and held his hand and cried. I lost it. I had to excuse myself and cry. The ER nurses told me that soon I'd get numb to it. I honestly don't think I'll ever get numb to it. I'm a softy.

Up Vote Up Vote ×
Specializes in ICU.
The ER nurses told me that soon I'd get numb to it. I honestly don't think I'll ever get numb to it. I'm a softy.

I don't think I will ever get "numb" to it, either. In fact, I sort of HOPE I don't. For me, I think numbness would almost equate to no longer truly caring about my patients. If I ever get to that point, I think it will be time for me to give up nursing.

Anyone with years of experience, please feel free to correct me if you think I'm wrong. I'm almost done with my first year of nursing so I could be WAYYY off base here.

Up Vote Up Vote ×
Specializes in neonatal.

I am an RN in NICU and unfortunately see many deaths. Sometimes I cry right along with the parents.

Up Vote Up Vote ×
Specializes in Cardiac, ER, Pediatrics, Corrections.

OneDuckyRN, I agree completely! I feel like if I go numb, it's like shutting my heart off. I'm with you 100% We will always be those nurses that sob and have tender hearts. And that's OK!

Up Vote Up Vote ×
Specializes in CCU, SICU, CVSICU, Precepting & Teaching.
I don't think I will ever get "numb" to it, either. In fact, I sort of HOPE I don't. For me, I think numbness would almost equate to no longer truly caring about my patients. If I ever get to that point, I think it will be time for me to give up nursing.

Anyone with years of experience, please feel free to correct me if you think I'm wrong. I'm almost done with my first year of nursing so I could be WAYYY off base here.

I don' think you ever get completely numb to it, but it is possible to get somewhat detached. It's easier on you and more supportive of the patient and family if you can let THEM grieve without getting sucked into it yourself. Then you go home, and sometimes you're OK, and sometimes you're not and have to cry for awhile. Sometimes death IS the happiest outcome -- there are worse things than dying, and with a little experience you'll see that firsthand.

Up Vote Up Vote ×
Specializes in CCU, SICU, CVSICU, Precepting & Teaching.
OneDuckyRN, I agree completely! I feel like if I go numb, it's like shutting my heart off. I'm with you 100% We will always be those nurses that sob and have tender hearts. And that's OK!

Having a tender heart is OK, but sobbing isn't isn't always appropriate. Usually isn't. It's not about YOU, it's about the patient and family. You need to let them have their grief without putting yourself in the middle of it. It isn't right when your father dies, and you have to comfort the nurse who is sobbing away. You want the nurse to maintain a stiff upper lip so YOU can sob!

Up Vote Up Vote ×
Having a tender heart is OK, but sobbing isn't isn't always appropriate. Usually isn't. It's not about YOU, it's about the patient and family. You need to let them have their grief without putting yourself in the middle of it. It isn't right when your father dies, and you have to comfort the nurse who is sobbing away. You want the nurse to maintain a stiff upper lip so YOU can sob!

100% agree. You can hug the family and tell them you'll miss the patient but do not cry. This is coming from someone who can cry at the drop of a hat. You need to be the professional.

Up Vote Up Vote ×
Specializes in Cardiac, ER, Pediatrics, Corrections.

Agree Ruby Vee, I should have clarified that I meant in privacy! I would never in front of patients, if I could help it that is..

Up Vote Up Vote ×

I've had situations so awful with dying patients and families that one can't help tearing up a little. The key, however, is to pull yourself together and be able to provide the emotional support the family needs. Hard to do that if you're crying right along with the family.

Up Vote Up Vote ×
+ Join the Discussion