Hello! This is going to be a lengthy post, so please bare with me. I am 26 years old. I had my first son who will soon be 8 when I was 19, and in college. I started nursing school when he was a newborn, but didn't finish because of my circumstances at the time. I went on to work as a medical assistant when he was a toddler, for a few years. I LOVED my job, but wasn't all to happy about working full time (at times), but I did what I had to. We then moved out of state due to my husbands job and I had my second son who turned 2 recently. I have now been a stay at home mom for 3 years. Now that my youngest son is out of those baby days, I am really starting to miss nursing so badly. (no way could I have left him as a baby for school or work if I didn't have to :)!) I thought I had my mind made up that I was going to do what I could to get myself into nursing school! And I got so excited about it! But...I have always wanted at least 3 kids, and am really wanting to try for a girl at some point, and this is where I run into a problem.
So, I have been going back and forth with having another baby (so it and my youngest would be close in age at least), or going back to school to finally finish what I started. I have such big dreams as far as having a career, yet I want to have a family as well. I feel confident that I could get through nursing school in my current situation (determination!!), but I am so afraid I will regret waiting to have another baby and having all my children 5+yrs apart. I know this is a totally personal decision, but I am just having so much conflict with making a decision! ( my husband is fine with whatever I decide) If I have a baby, that will put me close to 3 yrs before I could even think about school again, and if I go to school, that will put me having more kids in my 30s (eek??) I have been working from home doing a job that I hate so that I could be home with my kids, and because daycare is so expensive...the amount i would make not having a degree wouldn't be worth it. I love being home with them, but I have to work (from home) and I feel like I have lost myself! I guess all stay at home moms go through this at some point though :bugeyes:I was really good at my job as a medical assistant, and I just really miss, well...nursing. I know until I get my degree, I will be haunted! LOL! Every time I think I have my mind made up, I change it! AHH!
Anyway, if it were you...and you wanted more kids, but afraid of having them all spaced out...but reaaaally wanted to get your nursing degree, what would you choose?? I am sure I sound crazy...sorry! Guess, I just want to have my cake and eat it too! Ugh!
If you have any input, I would be ever so appreciative if you would share it with me! Thanks so much:)
I would get my nursing degree now and have the third baby later, I'm pregnant with my first child (I'm 32) and I never wanted to be a mom in my 20s I always wanted to wait until I'm done with school.Since you already have two kids I dont think it is a bad or unsafe idea to wait for your third until you are in your 30s.
Well that is the optimist point of view (denial), but mother nature is already trying to correct the problem with disease as is nature's way. If you understand global warming and other signs that are going on in the world you can see that the planet is crying out.
The thing is, we do not replace ourselves exactly because people live so long now that we are reproducing exponentially- 7 Billion by last estimate. We are at an unsustainable rate and the continued denial of this will bring about worldwide disaster. Not in my lifetime I don't think, but in my child's very possibly.
One cannot only look locally. The time has come to think globally as we are a global community. There is not enough food and soon things will get much worse as this crisis escalates. I am sorry that I have to feel negatively but it is a hard reality that is coming to a crisis point whether or not you choose to believe. We are very much on the brink of disaster.
All I am advocating is social responsibility. Recycle, limit your family, don't waste. Do what you can to maintain the status quo until the uncivilized parts of the world can catch up and begin to control their populations- they are the ones who are ballooning the populations. Most civilized countries are limiting their family sizes as a matter of cost and practicality.
Hi! I went through a similar dilemma a few years ago. I was accepted to get my master's degree, but did not end up going due to financial reasons, and because I wanted to have a third child. I do not regret that decision. I love my third child! On the other hand, I am/was in my 30's at that point. I do wish I had done more for my education/career in my 20s. OR it would have been nice to have kids younger. I feel like I wasted a lot of time in my 20s and all of a sudden I realize it. Now I have 3 kids and am an RN still trying to figure out where to work! However in the world of nursing, people are still making changes in their 40s and 50s, so it's all good!
I do agree with the responses that say have the kids NOW, and school can wait. However, I do think a person in their 20s should go to school now. I think it's OK for kids to be spaced out alot! It would be okay to get a degree, then have a child.
Whichever you decide, it could work out great either way. Good luck! :)
I have 4 kids: 24, 20, 16, 7 I liked that I only had one baby at a time, and all the kids have a special bond with each other. They all adore the "baby". (Although when I told the oldest I was pregnant, her first words were "MOM!! How COULD you?? This is SO embarrassing! What will my friends say?") But now, the younger ones look to the oldest for advice. Especially the 16 yr old. I had the three oldest, was working in med/surg, doing very well, training in ER, had big plans and goals for the nursing career. Then I had another baby - (my 7 yr old), changed jobs, worked in a local clinic because the hours gave me more family time. I thought "I can go back to hospital nursing anytime" WRONG!! Now, here I am, 5 years since I did hospital nursing..first of all, it was difficult to find a hospital willing to hire me. I found one. But it is very hard, EVERYTHING has changed. Nursing is always changing, if you don't keep up, your lost. I think it would have been a much wiser choice to finish having babies, get them in school, THEN go to nursing school. OR go to nursing school, work for 10 years or so, then have babies. But you have to have time to establish one or the other, or the family AND the career will suffer. Since you have already started your family, make the family your first priority. Those kids need you like you don't even realize. BTW, The oldest student in our nursing class was 63!! Most of us were 30 something and the youngest was 21, she was the "odd man out". In a community college the population is generally more mature. You are still in your 20's, you still have 40 or more years before you retire. Nothing wrong with starting nursing 5, 10, or even 15 years from now.
You know that song "cat's in the cradle with a silver spoon...see you later...can I have the car keys.." Anyway it's about a parent not having enough time for the child, then when the the parent has the time and wants to spend it with the son..the kid has grown, moved on. It's a very moving song.
One more thing..I've never heard of a person at the end of life saying 'I wish I would have spent more time working" The biggest regret is not cherishing the moments when the kids are little.
Thank you all again for your replies!! In my situation, there are definitely pros and cons to either decision. However, I think I have decided I am try going to go back to school. It wouldn't be until Aug 2013, and my youngest would turn 4 in my first semester, then prob start school in my second year. I was planning on putting him in preschool at that age, regardless of my school/work/baby situation...so that will help with my feelings toward being away from him during the day to go to school(mommy guilt). If for some reason, school doesn't pan out the way I am planning, then I will consider another baby then at that time according to what feels right!! I dream of having a whole slew of kids close in age, especially when I look at others who seem to be so happy! But the truth is, I really don't think that is in the cards for me right now. I feel like I am struggling to work from home and give my youngest the attention he needs, as it is. We still don't own our home, the one we are renting is really small and can barely hold my family of 4 as it is. While I know we could make it work, I just don't think it would hurt to wait until we are more stable and such. I truly believe I can have the best of both worlds, but just not at this time. I have felt so much pressure about hurrying to have a baby so they will be "stair step", but like I mentioned earlier, I HAVE to work from home, and I am afraid (as much joy as baby's are) I would still not be happy juggling it all. (Not to mention my #2 is such a handful!!!) If I wait until I know I am ready, hopefully our financial situation will be better and I would have the CHOICE to be the kind of mom a new baby deserves! Not one who is on the phone/computer 5 days a week on top of dealing with another toddler. AHH! I know eventually my husband will advance in his career, so I think it is the best decision to wait. I can work part time as a nurse if and when I finish school, and still be a good mom!!!! My time in school will only be temporary, so I think we can make it work. My kids are amazing and precious, and I know I will make the best out of my situation for them and myself:) The Good Lord watches out for me, so I know he has blessings in store for my family!! Thank you all so much for your opinions/advice!! I can't tell you how much it has helped just getting it off my chest to someone besides the husband!
thank you all again for your replies!! in my situation, there are definitely pros and cons to either decision. however, i think i have decided i am try going to go back to school. it wouldn't be until aug 2013, and my youngest would turn 4 in my first semester, then prob start school in my second year. i was planning on putting him in preschool at that age, regardless of my school/work/baby situation...so that will help with my feelings toward being away from him during the day to go to school(mommy guilt). if for some reason, school doesn't pan out the way i am planning, then i will consider another baby then at that time according to what feels right!! i dream of having a whole slew of kids close in age, especially when i look at others who seem to be so happy! but the truth is, i really don't think that is in the cards for me right now. i feel like i am struggling to work from home and give my youngest the attention he needs, as it is. we still don't own our home, the one we are renting is really small and can barely hold my family of 4 as it is. while i know we could make it work, i just don't think it would hurt to wait until we are more stable and such. i truly believe i can have the best of both worlds, but just not at this time. i have felt so much pressure about hurrying to have a baby so they will be "stair step", but like i mentioned earlier, i have to work from home, and i am afraid (as much joy as baby's are) i would still not be happy juggling it all. (not to mention my #2 is such a handful!!!) if i wait until i know i am ready, hopefully our financial situation will be better and i would have the choice to be the kind of mom a new baby deserves! not one who is on the phone/computer 5 days a week on top of dealing with another toddler. ahh! i know eventually my husband will advance in his career, so i think it is the best decision to wait. i can work part time as a nurse if and when i finish school, and still be a good mom!!!! my time in school will only be temporary, so i think we can make it work. my kids are amazing and precious, and i know i will make the best out of my situation for them and myself:) the good lord watches out for me, so i know he has blessings in store for my family!! thank you all so much for your opinions/advice!! i can't tell you how much it has helped just getting it off my chest to someone besides the husband!
as someone who had one child when i started nursing school, and another while in nursing school, i will echo that, while not impossible to do it all, something has to give, and generally it ends up being the family. nursing hours can be brutal, and hospitals don't give a flip if you want to be home on christmas morning or thanksgiving day, and you will miss things at your kids' school. that can be hard.
as for the "slew of kids," keep in mind how costly it is to raise a family, give the kids a life where they can be happy and well cared for, do fun and enriching activities (all of which cost money), and get them educated (also don't be sure all those other people are as "happy" as they seem). college costs are only going up, and nursing really doesn't pay all that well if you are putting it in the context of raising lots of children. one of the best things in the world is to have the option of either staying home or working. once you start cranking out a bunch of kids, the option to stay home with them becomes less realistic unless your husband makes a boat load of money. as for trying for a girl, that would be great (i'm partial to girls as i have two of them), but don't do it unless you'd still be tickled pink to have a boy.
sounds like you are coming to the conclusion that you need to do one or the other, rather than trying to have this big family while going to school and trying to get your foot in the door once you have graduated. your kids need the gift of your time and attention, and your career will be demanding much of the same from you. it's tough to balance it all out without shortchanging something.
Horseshoe, I am afraid you misunderstood my post! I did say I "dream" of having a big family...but then said it is just not in the cards for me! I realize, as bad as I want that...right now it is just not a good decision. I am not one to have kids if I know I can't afford or handle it... So I am at peace with my decision...for now. I am going back to school, as long as I can get myself in the program!!!! I am not dead set on working in a hospital, I feel like I will end up where I need to be, with a schedule that works for me and my family. I would love to work there, but I have also worked as an MA in a dr's office, and if that is where I end up...I will be just fine doing that as well. I just know the job I am doing right now is literally sucking the life out of me, thus having a negative impact on my family. So I am at peace with my decision. Plus, If I am going to work in a dr's office, I would at least rather be a nurse so I get paid a decent amount for my work!! I can't even afford to work as an MA right now because I would barely make daycare with my salary. Anyway, I appreciate you post, though...thank you for your input.
Specializes in Certified Med/Surg tele, and other stuff.
You can go to nursing school and have children. Is it easy? Not unless you have spousal support who will help raise his offspring, lol.
We have 7 kids and we managed and both of us are nurses. Things just seem to work out.
For those that mentioned children being expensive etc..Yes, we all know the buggers are costly, but if you are budget minded it can be done and done on one reasonable salary. You might not take the kiddies to Disneyland every year, but there are cost effective ways to raise a large family and still enjoy life.
I don't have any children, but it sounds like the question here is do you want a career or more children at this point in your life? School takes a few years, if you didn't finish 8 years ago your credits may have expired and it will take longer to get through school now than you might have originally thought. If you're already close to 30 you've already lost a decade working, earning, and saving for retirement, so any more years you put off school with be a hit against your security in old-age.
but if you are budget minded it can be done and done on one reasonable salary. You might not take the kiddies to Disneyland every year, but there are cost effective ways to raise a large family and still enjoy life.
Shawn4z
12 Posts
Sorry, New to these boards and don't know why this posted twice.