Messed up bad.....

Nurses Recovery

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So I've only had my nursing license since 2011, and I love what I do. Unfortunately, I messed up really bad and now I'm worried about what's next. I tested positive for meth about a week ago. My problem started about a year ago when I hurt my back lifting a patient because I work home health and had no one to as for help. I didn't want to take too much time off work so my doctor prescribed me Norco just for a short time. Problem is my back kept hurting but I didn't want to go back and ask for more because I'm a nurse and thought it was a conflict. So I started skimming them off patients. I'm from a small town and a I ran into a former friend who was into street drugs and said it was cheap. I reasoned it that at least I wasn't stealing from my patients. It got to where I was doing it daily to get through the day....I don't know how I got here. My supervisor got suspicious and called me into HR and I took a UA hoping that I would be clean because it had been a day or two. I wasn't and now I'm terrified of what's going to happen next. I've been looking online at the procedures but honestly I can't think straight. I worked so hard to get my degree and now it's all gone. Can someone please shed some light on what's next?? I've got an OH license. I looked at the BON site for insight for the program regarding drug abuse and chemically dependent nurses. It says something about rehab being an option to save my license along with some very stiff restrictions. Where would I go?? Thank you all in advance.

I'm in Texas and I was able to do home health as long as they assigned me pts who were not on any narcs. I also had to check in and check out every day with my manager. That had to be in person for one check, and could be by phone for the other (so I could say "see? I'm not high"). I also was not required to do inpatient rehab. Only outpatient, three days a week for 8 weeks. Plus AA or NA meetings. It will depend on what your evaluator decides. With a drug like meth, depending on how long you used and how long you've been clean so far, I wouldn't be surprised if they did try to get you to do inpatient. Good luck! You have a long road ahead of you but you can make it through.

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Thank you for your input, it's appreciated. I'm glad to hear that they took it easy on you, we make mistakes. I think you're right about the meth though....I doubt I will be given an outpatient option...

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Thank you!!

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Specializes in SICU, trauma, neuro.

I'm sure you are terrified right now. As Purple_roses said though, this may have saved your life. According to the NIH/CDC, over 64K died of OD's in the US in 2016. 64K. My dad's hometown/where I went to nursing school has a population of 64K. You could have harmed a pt, or caused an MVC and have to live with that forever.

Instead, you are going to get better, maybe even be in the position to help a fellow nurse down the road.

You have a terrible disease. What if it was your pt instead of you? I hope you can extend yourself the same grace, care, and concern that you would extend to a chemically dependent pt.

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Hello, I'm sorry to hear about the situation but keep your head up! I'm from California and it is a tough program! I just started in June. I have to attend a meeting every day plus nurse support group once a week. I was ordered to go to intensive outpatient but no inpatient. I recently had my license activated again, (yay)! But now I am looking for work with restrictions. The first step in CA is no direct patient care. Since I was a brand new nurse, (1 month of working), it will be hard for me to find a case management job but I'm not giving up! I also am test 4-5 times a month at a minimum cost of $62.50 per test plus collection site fees. I was fortunate enough to find a part time job but you may be able to collect disability! It is definitely rough at first and apparently continues to be, but you can get through this! Good luck and stay strong!

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Specializes in Medical and general practice now LTC.

Moved to the Nurses/Recovery forum

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Specializes in Medical and general practice now LTC.

Threads merged

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I was also in Ohio and the best thing you can do is get a lawyer. Do NOT talk to an investigator, you will make it worse. Lawyers handle all the communication. I waited three years to hear from the ohio BON and my contract was 'better' than most. I certainly feel very lucky that I didn't talk to a soul.

Get into a program either intensive outpatient or inpatient. Insurance covers many of these. Call them and they will tell you what is covered. This looks good to the county and the bon when they eventually get to you. Its also good for you to focus on sobriety.

I also inactivated my license, that was the first advice the lawyer gave me. This shows that you have intention to keep the public 'safe' from your actions. I found work in non nursing areas and actually got a pretty decent job.

Ohio has an alternative program listed on their website which protects your anonymity after all is said and done if you comply.. my lawyer said its been years since she saw anyone get into it. It seemed more for people who would admit to something only before getting caught.

I know how your feeling. the worst of the worst. Literal pits of despair. There is hope and you have to focus on yourself. Inactivating, lawyer, being QUIET, and getting into a program seem like good first steps.

We are here for you always.

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I can't tell you how much that helps me. I do have to say knowing the records are sealed takes some weight off my chest. I'll go inactive. One thing I haven't mentioned because it's the worst part. I have a son that just turned 2 that I let down. I do take solace in that he's too young o understand and won't remember all this. Rehab scares me a lot because it seems the concensus is that my horrible drug of choice will likely land my inpatient. One person said they were in from Oct-Feb. Do they let toddlers visit?? It'll kill me to be away from him that long...do they let you go home for a bit during rehab to see your family??

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Let me clarify my comment about rehab. I was in rehab from Oct-Feb. For the first 4 weeks I was sent to an inpatient setting. It was horrible and meaningless but nothing to be afraid of. Just about everybody there was either court-ordered and trying to save a job. The place was a dump run by the best minimum wage can buy for most of the time (I saw my therapist in small group for 2 hours a week). Me and one other guy from small group[ developed a friendship and he was into social networking and a very affable guy in general. He kept up with all the people we rotated through small group with (12 of us) almost all relapsed with a couple weeks. He relapsed at the 6 month mark leaving me (the guy that hated rehab) the sole survivor & that's only because I'm afraid of losing my career. After that I was sent to intensive outpatient therapy Monday-Friday for 8 hours a day from November - February. Basically it was like daycare for drunks and addicts. Most people relapsed in this setting and /or had multiple failed drug tests and had no interest in being there but they kept coming back & the rehab place kept cashing the checks even though it was clear that this exercise had no therapeutic value what so ever. To me rehab is something you have to do to keep your job if you go in with super-low expectations you will not be disappointed.

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Take a breath. Everyone has their own story. For me TPAPN saved my life. I didn't get an attorney and I have 402 days left on a 5 year contract, but who's counting! This four years has flown by. I too was fired and reported to the board. I self reported to my states monitoring program and it took the board about 15 months to spank me and they ordered me to complete the program I was already in. I went to outpatient treatment 3 classes a week for 6 weeks. Each state has their own rules, meetings, drug screens, etc. it is all doable. Most of the nurses here have found jobs while in monitoring. All of the nurses in my support group have found work. One of my friends didn't find work in nursing about 3 months. Now she is a Supervisor. Lately on this forum a lot of nurses are frustrated. Right now I suggest you focus on the positive things happening in your life. Thank goodness we have alternative to discipline programs that allow us to continue practicing nursing. It is a privilege to practice, not a right. We have breached trust by doing drugs, diverting drugs, and some have put patients at risk. Now we can get our s together and return to safe practice. This story doesn't fit all nurses in these programs, but it is my experience. I am grateful for my monitoring program. They have assisted me in this journey. Did I tell them every single bad deed, did I tell them where "i hid the bodies". No. I told them enough to get the help I needed and to protect myself from further charges. They know what we have done. A lot of case managers are in recovery too. They just don't disclose it. Call the number people advised you to call. Get in treatment. Start living the good life free of the chains of drug use. The sooner you do the quicker you will be in and out of your monitoring program. That's just my opinion. Good luck!

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Thank you all so much. That's a huge weight off my chest.

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