Mentorship: Taking Ownership of Your Career Decisions

[ctsurgeryscrubrn]

Mentorship is often talked about, but frequently misunderstood. A mentor is not a coach; it's not a boss; and, it's not a preceptor. Rather, a mentor is an ear to listen, a voice to provide perspective and an enabler of provocative thought. Mentors ask questions and allow you to talk through all that has been going through your mind about making a tough decision. Mentors tell you about their own experiences, the decisions they made and how those decisions impacted them. In the end, mentors allow you to make decisions that you can own. People often go to mentors looking for answers, but that undermines the power of mentorship. I believe seeking out mentors and leveraging their perspectives is an invaluable way to obtain the framework that will lead you to confidently make the tough career decisions as you progress through the nursing profession.

When I was asked to join our high-risk cardiothoracic surgery team as the lead scrub nurse after just one year of scrubbing in general and vascular surgery, I was excited, but also unsure. It was such an honor to be hand-picked for such a prestigious position, but I wasn't quite sure if I was ready. In short, I was afraid of failure. I didn't want to let the lead attending cardiothoracic surgeon down; I didn't want to let myself down. So, before I made a decision, I sought out counsel from many individuals, including former preceptors, my direct manager, my parents, and perhaps most importantly, my mentor. My mentor is a friend who I'll call Denise. Denise is an ACNP, RNFA and DNP, who now is a professor and a practicing first-assist in neurosurgery at a prestigious academic institution. She is the youngest faculty member and lectures in both the school of nursing and the department of trauma and acute care surgery. She has over five years of experience in cardiothoracic surgery and has always been someone who listens first, asks questions second, and inevitably challenges my thinking (in the most positive of ways).

Denise and I met three times over coffee to talk through my impending decision. I told Denise my concerns, which were as follows:

• My relative inexperience for such a prestigious role that was previously held by an excellent, and widely-respected perioperative nurse who worked on the team for ten years;
• My fear of failure - letting myself and those who encouraged me on the way down if I couldn't handle it; and,
• My focus on the 'unknown' - would I be properly trained? Would I have the support system to help me ramp up and give me a chance to succeed in the role?

As any great mentor does, Denise provided me an account of a perioperative position she was offered very early in her career that like me, she felt was perhaps outside of her 'reach' as a young nursing professional. But most importantly, Denise asked me questions:

• Is this something you really want? Is this position about prestige for you, or is it about using your talents at the highest levels?
• What do you want out of this experience? How do you think it could accelerate your growth as a perioperative nurse?
• What would success and failure look like for you in this position? If you fail, who are you most fearful of failing?
• Do you believe this type of experience will come around often?

After Denise asked these questions, she simply listened to me talk out loud. There is a comfort that should exist with any mentor where you have the ability to speak your mind without fear of your thoughts 'getting around'.

As I talked through my answers to Denise's questions, it became clear to both of us that the following was true:

• Being the lead scrub on our high-risk cardiothoracic surgery team was something I had dreamed about from the first time I set foot in an operating room;
• Although being 'hand-picked' for the team was gratifying and came with prestige, it was not the reason I wanted this. I wanted this because it was the chance to work in the most complex cases, with a true A-Team and most importantly, have the ability to effectuate immediate change on extremely ill patients;
• Having the experience of being the lead scrub nurse on a cardiothoracic team would indeed put me in many uncomfortable situations, but in the end, that's the only way we push ourselves beyond our perceived limitations and grow the most; and,
• Failure to me would be defined by looking back on this opportunity and asking myself, 'what if?' As far as others, I realized that I can't go through life caring about what others think - the people who really care about me don't need explanations nor do they cast judgment on taking a risk and coming up short.

After she listened to my answers to each question, she provided the framework for the very thought process that she went through as she contemplated her 'stretch' opportunity years before. But for all that Denise did, it is important to acknowledge the things she stayed away from, which included never:

• Questioning my motivations;
• Injecting herself into my situation; and,
• Telling me which way I should go with my decision.

The night after our final lunch conversation, I accepted the role as the lead scrub nurse on our high-risk cardiothoracic surgery team. Denise's role in that decision was paramount, but it was MY DECISION - one that I confidently owned. When we go to people looking for answers, we inevitably end up carrying a 'get-out-of-jail' excuse card because if the decision doesn't work out as planned, it's very easy to blame the person who told us to take one path over the other.

People that tell you what direction to take are not bad people, and you should seek out their opinions as well, but it is important to understand the critical difference and purpose that mentors serve. Mentors should be 100% impartial to your decisions, meaning whatever decisions you make will have no effect on them. When people are telling you what to do, you must always ask yourself, 'is there a reason that they are telling me to do this?' Sometimes those reasons include fear of losing you as part of their team (dependability) or maybe even a person's own regret about not taking on a similar challenge for themselves when they had the opportunity. People who tell you which decision to make may very well have your best interest in mind, but they enable you to side-step that critical dialogue that empowers personal accountability. Whatever the case may be, it never hurts to get as many viewpoints as possible, but I've always relied on those that guide me to make decisions I can own, rather than merely executing on another's answer to my question.

In closing, I encourage all nurses to find mentors that will enable the provocative thought and perspective to tackle and 'own' the tough choices when new opportunities present themselves in their nursing careers. Deliberate decision-making with a 'no looking back' mindset has made a world of difference in my career thus far, and I am confident that in can in yours as well.