Mentor quits meeting

[mcnurse88]

My nursing mentor has stopped meeting with me. She has canceled several meetings. I really enjoyed learning from her. What should I do?

[meanmaryjean, DNP, RN]

In what way is she a mentor? As in 'contractually obligated as part of her job' or casual relationship in which you are the primary benefactor?

[mcnurse88]

Casual relationship

[meanmaryjean, DNP, RN]

Find another? Maybe you were expecting too much, or maybe her priorities changed.

[roser13, ASN, RN]

I'm not sure how we would have any idea since we don't know either of you or the basis of your relationship. One thing is for sure: Before involving others, it is always best to approach the other person first, honestly & openly.

[caliotter3]

Best to approach her and find out what happened. Maybe the relationship can be resumed with changes that she finds acceptable.

[nutella, MSN, RN]

My nursing mentor has stopped meeting with me. She has canceled several meetings. I really enjoyed learning from her. What should I do?

what you do is this - you move on.

Something in the mentor - mentee relationship did not work out. When you look for another mentor make sure that you consider a nurse who has enough time to mentor you and who is able to move you to where you want to be.

[TheCommuter, BSN, RN]

Something in the mentor - mentee relationship did not work out. When you look for another mentor make sure that you consider a nurse who has enough time to mentor you and who is able to move you to where you want to be.

Furthermore, ensure you do not engage in the following off-putting behaviors or personality traits without realizing it:

1. Clinging & neediness

2. Initiating more contact than the mentor desires

3. Overstepping the mentor's unspoken boundaries

A clingy individual who demands too much of another's personal time and initiates more meetings than desired can result in a mentor abruptly cutting off all contact.

Rather than directly say there was a problem, people often use the 'no contact' method. After all, no response can be a powerful response.

[TheCommuter, BSN, RN]

Best to approach her and find out what happened.

I also agree with this plan of action. Nonetheless, if you approach your former mentor to unearth the reasons she has been quietly withdrawing from the relationship, brace yourself for some brutally honest feedback.

It might be about your former mentor. It might be about you. It might be about both of you. However, you can try to find out what occurred and use the information as a learning experience. Good luck to you.

[Everline]

Honestly? If a mentor cancelled several meetings with me, I'd take it as a not-so-subtle hint and move on. I'd figure that she either doesn't want to mentor anymore or she has something else going on in her life that takes priority. There's really nothing to do about it. As others have said, you could ask her why this has happened. I wouldn't go that route myself unless it was a valued, long-standing friendship.

[Libby1987]

If you ask her, be sure to give her *permission* to tell you straight up what drove her away. Tell her you want to learn what not to repeat.

[Been there,done that, ASN, RN]

It appears your mentor has lost interest in the relationship. He/she should have made that clear. Most professional nurses would have closed the loop.

I would send one email requesting clarification, then find another mentor.

Best of luck with your career.