Mean girls in Pre-Req / Nursing School, how do you deal with them?

TheNursingdoll, CNA · Dec 23, 2020

3 hours ago, FashionablyL8 said:

Hey Nursingdoll, I feel what you're going through and have some advice- plus a long story ?.

A very long time ago in actual school, not nursing school, I became the focus of bullies. I was different, quiet, didn't run with a clique, and I guess I looked "some kinda way" to them. I was intimidated by the bullies so didn't know how to respond. The bullying and rumors got worse, until I was a local celebrity in the worst way. Older kids yelling names out of car windows, things thrown at me, constant taunting. This was before bullying was really on the radar so the school did nothing. I ended up quitting school before the legal age, got into a bad lifestyle, and became a person that the bullies would no longer mess with. I gained physical toughness and an interior wall of armor to protect me, but I lost a lot in the process.

Eventually I straightened out my life. Once I became a mom and got into healthcare, I found that I loved taking care of those who needed my help and wanted to become a nurse. However, when it came time to further my nonexistent education, I found that being among a bunch of people in a school setting made me feel like I was 13 again. I felt like an outcast again and had to figure out how to cope. My instinct at school was to be guarded and silent, so I decided to do the opposite and be kind and friendly to everyone. Even if I'm quite sure someone is talking trash about me as I approach or after I walk away, I never let on. It startles people when they are looking daggers at you and you smile and ask how they are doing. Classmates have commented to me how mean some of the other students are, and I can honestly say I barely notice. If someone was rude to me or a friend, my reply would be asking the lines of "You want to be a nurse and you say things like that? What's wrong with you- is that how you treat patients??"

Nursing doll, I know you are already in class dealing with these people, so it won't be as simple as a fresh start like I had. But I think you can get through this. You have gotten excellent advice here on how to handle those who are directly insulting you. Making a point to being friendly and interested in other people who are not being overly hostile to you will help you feel more a part of things. Work on caring less what the horrible people think of you- that makes it easier to ignore them or assert yourself.

There will always be nasty human beings in this world, unfortunately. But there are also lots of great people AND there are patients out there that need nurses with compassion and experience with adversity, like us ?. Hang in there.

Hello FashionablyL8 ,

Thank you so much for this , I'm super sorry that you went through this and I'm happy very happy that you got to have a fresh start.

TheNursingdoll, CNA · Dec 23, 2020

38 minutes ago, TheNursingdoll said:

Hello FashionablyL8 ,

Thank you so much for this , I'm super sorry that you went through this and I'm happy very happy that you got to have a fresh start.

My experience was with my first attempt in AP1 , there were two major cliques , that kind of merged. I dealt with gossip , racism and bullying. I was told to adjust to the racism and everything going on but it made it worse. I had someone blurt out my lowest quiz grade , which really made things hit the fan along with the two girls lying about me.. I dropped in October and the week after things started going downhill , people distanced themselves away from me and I was getting odd looks.

I did have a teacher whom I was very thankful for whom helped me get noticed academically and socially (through community and staff mostly) from a extracurricular activity , on the other hand one of the girls was recruiting friends, the person whom was suppose to be handling complaints was actually sitting back and letting it all happen throughout their eyes and actually getting a kick out of it.. I had to deal with this person abusing power and bringing people into it whom were actually making fun of the situation even more and therefore making it worse.

The effect of this situation is I couldn't sit in the classroom nor go to open lab , because it was too painful and all I could truly see and hear were the whispers, the looks and the treatments I've received during the span of the 1st attempt.

By the second attempt the bullying from the 1st attempt was going on and I had to deal with this girl whom would embarrass me , stare daggers , pushed me on an occasion and built up a bit of a clique .. not as strong as the people from the first attempt , actually weak. It was actually a boy in this clique but he would call me names but do it in passing and look at me crazy when I didn't respond. I actually did a better job ignoring this group and she persisted even after I told the professor. Looking back on it I rolled my eyes before we left for covid and she backed off.

It was then that I've noticed a pattern amongst the person handling affairs of bullying , in every class I had at least anywhere from 2-8 (at most) bullying me , when reporting she'd act skeptical and smirk and if asked questions she'd get defensive. I sorta got tired and reported her and the bullying.. the lady and the bullied lied but all the bullying stopped .. I did struggle with memories and anxieties.. But at least I could focus on my studies

Micro I dealt with more gossiping than bullying , so it wasn't a horrible experience. I did retake Anatomy and actually got an A .. LOL I had to reset the computer . I am keeping more positive now which helps to along with help and a good support system

But I asked this because one thing I am worried about is running into them again / other mean girls. But I am so thankful for this advice that I was given. TYSM all of you ❤️

ThursdayNight, CNA · Dec 23, 2020

There was this group of people who tried to get me on board with them to accuse an instructor. She told me that I saw sexual harassment in front of our classmates. I replied, "You're suggesting I saw it. I didn't see anything." I ignored it and moved on. I thought the person was theatrical.

Fast forward, the victim or accuser threw tantrums in public accusing the educator that she was sexually harassed. She mentioned names who witnessed the incident. I wasn't in the mood for her manufactured predicament. I just got out of depositions ( I didn't disclose this information); for them, I was a happy person who appeared to have it all together. I told the investigator that it was her lie from the beginning but didn't report it. I didn't want to sound crazy. In their mind, I was an easy target to be manipulated. It's probably because I'm loner, petite, and demure.

Bullying?

I'm not an instigator.

FashionablyL8, CNA, LPN · Dec 23, 2020

Nursingdoll, thank you for your kind comment ?. Sounds like you've been through a lot as well. Bottom line is we can turn it around and succeed! When we are the experienced nurses, we can make sure to welcome the newbies and tell them not to be afraid to ask questions. It all comes around eventually.

If you run into those girls, I would just try not to engage with them at all- it sounds like they're all talk and just looking for a reaction. As for meeting more people like them, you've gotten good advice here and a variety of tactics to use. The main thing is not to show it if people get to you. Mean people are like sharks- if they smell blood in the water, they're on it. Act unfazed and brave and confident until you really are- it will happen!

I should also add that another helpful thing I have learned is not to share anything personal until someone has really proven themselves to me. That goes for grades too. Information turns into ammunition for some individuals.

OK, I've written another novel here so I'll stop! Keep focusing on your goals and remember- the people that count in school are your instructors and your patients. ?

ThursdayNight, CNA · Dec 24, 2020

Don't let the ********* get to your skin. Have fun.

soon2beRN2021, ADN · Dec 27, 2020

I understand your feelings 100%. I was bullied as a kid due to a birth defect, and felt always super sensitive no matter what. I found my life and sensitivity changed when I became a mom. But seriously--find something to focus on like your nursing career---are you going to let some a-holes stop you from your dream? It's true people like that exist everywhere. While it is true some professors won't give a fart, some will switch your lab partner to someone else.

I am entering my last semester of nursing school and I've met some crappy people in my program. One girl joked about abortion while I was having a miscarriage on clinical rotations (she knew I was miscarrying to add insult to injury)..the list goes on. I recently accepted a Nursing Assistant position in our local hospital that is in tandem with our program. No joke a freshman nursing student decided to berate and trash me due to the fact I had peeled the wrapper off a straw for a patient drink. The patient had a stroke and couldn't do it, I had to adapt (I used gloves y'all!!). She was so arrogant and childish she tried to correct RNs and CNAs on their job. I had to let it go. I ignored her, I didn't engage. When I was forced to engage, I was so kind and asked her questions about herself. She really liked that.

People who make fun of others or bully/target them, are usually some of the most insecure people you'll ever meet. They are SO concerned with looking better, that they hide their weaknesses by hating on others. Trust me...I once married a guy like that. It didn't last. In my experience--I allow people to say what they want and I ignore it. I don't feed into it, I don't react. Soon they will realize they cannot get their jollies off by harassing you, and look elsewhere. If you really want to stick it to them, speak up and tell them to mind their own business and focus on their work. Then..walk away. I hate to say it doesn't get better. I think a TON of people in nursing school are very supportive and loving. However there is a minority of crap people everywhere we go. Don't let the 1% destroy your goals and day.

JKL33 · Dec 28, 2020

On 12/16/2020 at 9:42 PM, TheNursingdoll said:

There is always a clique of girls and a few guys here and there whom seem to try to pick on people's weaknesses in the classes or downright. For the most part it's the people whom do very well in the class so it confuses me,

Didn't read replies.

These people don't feel good about themselves, period. They are massively insecure. Remember that. They have a double-whammy because they are also toxic (as opposed to being simply shy or a little unsure of themselves but still basically pleasant). After some close encounters with people like this I more and more believe that their personal mental health problems run a little deeper than average.

Don't give these people the slightest power to make you feel bad. Be kind if you can manage to do so; otherwise ignore them and go on with your life plans.

Margaux4207 · Jan 10, 2021

I had a few bullies and mean girls in nursing school (many years ago). The fact was, they were jealous of me. I was a cute 20 year old, and they were all much older, some married and kids with lots of baggage. I got through it, got an awesome job, have had many awesome jobs, and even met my husband (a cardiologist) at work! Haters gonna hate ?

nurseinthemaking123 · Jul 28, 2021

I’m sorry to hear about this… I went through a similar situation where I saw a bit of persecution and a lot of negativity from my classmates when they assumed I had “blown the whistle” on instructors letting people cut class early and not staying until the scheduled time. I hadn’t done anything! But this is how I got through it in to the other side…

Someone once told me that while I was in nursing school, I was going to learn the kind of nurse I wanted to be the kind of nurse I didn’t want to be. I am an open and friendly person, and in those moments when I knew I was being looked down upon - I actually found myself incredibly grateful to be who I am in the midst of it all. I had an open heart and open mind to all of my classmates, even the ones that I knew hated my guts… and even when we had to work together, I just told myself to be who I am and it didn’t matter what they thought. After school, chances were I would never even see any of them again. You will find where you belong and you will hit your stride! I also learned the harsh lesson that it probably wouldn’t be the last time I encountered these situations. Just remember that what is happening right now with those classmates has nothing to do with the fact that you will be a skilled and caring nurse. Put the focus on you and be proud of yourself for working so hard!

I wish you the best

Hannahbanana, BSN, MSN · Jul 28, 2021

Try this.

ThursdayNight, CNA · Jul 29, 2021

What I know at an early age, some people are sadistic. Got some girls made fun of me for being motherless who continued to bully me in high school. They became physical with me. It was a secluded area where they waited for me. We had catfights.

TheNursingdoll, CNA · Jul 30, 2021

13 hours ago, ThursdayNight said:

What I know at an early age, some people are sadistic. Got some girls made fun of me for being motherless who continued to bully me in high school. They became physical with me. It was a secluded area where they waited for me. We had catfights.

I'm sorry you went through that are you okay?