Mean girls in Pre-Req / Nursing School, how do you deal with them?

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Hey guys , Happy Holidays,

  I keep having this reoccurring problem in most of my pre-reqs like AP1 , AP2 and micro , even in other health-related classes. There is always a clique of girls and a few guys here and there whom seem to try to pick on people's weaknesses in the classes or downright. For the most part it's the people whom do very well in the class so it confuses me, it's like they sniff our people to bother and it gets annoying (in one particular case a girl made it her duty to call me the b-word every lab rotation , and one girl always embarrassed me during anatomy reviews ). I've had a couple of experiences with girls like these but talking to my advisor they said to toughen it up a bit because some might end up in nursing school. I went through a traumatic bullying situation ( some girls thought it would be nice to raise a little hell around students in the classes that our prof had) and I had to drop .. But how do you deal with the mean girls and guys / cliques and negativity that comes with the science pre-reqs and most importantly if I were to see them in nursing school how do I ignore them.. do I alert the instructor. I just find it weird how we are studying to help others yet in the same breath someone torments another for no reason. Any experiences?

On 12/17/2020 at 12:34 PM, TheNursingdoll said:

I was told I was exaggerating when in one semester because of this clique of girls I had 35+ bullies (their friends and classmates)

I suspect there may be some truth to this, although I doubt it's intentional. Is there someone you trust, and know personally, who might be able to help you gain insight?

This is a difficult situation to sort with only typed words from one part of the equation.

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On 12/17/2020 at 6:57 PM, cameron5575 said:

First off, I'm sorry this is happening to you. It's ridiculous that adults can be so immature and childish. However, I think it's important to remember that their bullying comes out of a place of extreme insecurity and feelings of inferiority. Remember that they pick on people who they're threatened by!

As of how you should react, being calm and respectful goes a long way. Never stoop down to their level and sully your dignity. But, at the same time, never feel that you have to take verbal and emotional abuse from moral subordinates. Put them in their place. Call them out on their behavior and how unprofessional and immature it is. Tell them firmly that you will not tolerate their disrespect. Will it stop it right away? Maybe, maybe not. It depends on the type of bully. But it will empower you and make them feel a little less in control of the situation.

As a resource, I read a short article on bullying a few years back that kind of summarizes what I and the other commenters said. It's geared toward a younger crowd but the principles are still relevant. There's a good video at the end of it, too. I'll leave it here for yourself and others who might benefit from taking a look at it: Bullying at School

I sincerely hope everything works out well for you!

I really support this approach — assertive communication.  There will also be bullies on the floor when you are working as a nurse.  We are  required to communicate assertively whether we are shy or simply prefer to avoid conflict.  Most of us have had to cross our comfort zone to speak up, whether it’s to advocate for our patients or due to conflict with co-workers.

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7 hours ago, Queen Tiye said:

I really support this approach — assertive communication.  There will also be bullies on the floor when you are working as a nurse.  We are  required to communicate assertively whether we are shy or simply prefer to avoid conflict.  Most of us have had to cross our comfort zone to speak up, whether it’s to advocate for our patients or due to conflict with co-workers.

This is the approach I'll take ?

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Specializes in Wiping tears.

Ignore or speak up.

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2 minutes ago, ThursdayNight said:

Ignore or speak up.

okay

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Specializes in Wiping tears.
On 12/20/2020 at 9:20 PM, TheNursingdoll said:

okay

 

I had one colleague who was full of herself. I told her that her procedures were incorrect. I showed her the manual for our lab (Chemistry). She asked for a different partner. Granted. She had a new partner. Her partner told her the procedure was wrong. She was upset. I was entertained for awhile. I watched her partner getting infuriated with her which didn't last. I was approved to work alone. She reported her partner and me to our professor that we didn't help her.  She called everyone a bully. Lmao. At the end of the semester, she dropped out after going through the series of lab partners because we weren't good enough for her. She was a menaced in the class. She didn't listen. Who got time for it when your own time is sacrificed? 

Entitled mentality. 

 

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1 minute ago, ThursdayNight said:

 

I had one colleague who was full of herself. I told her that her procedures were incorrect. I showed her the manual for our lab (Chemistry). She asked for a different partner. Granted. She had a new partner. Her partner told her the procedure was wrong. She was upset. LOL. I was entertained. She reported her partner and me to our professor that we didn't help her. LOL. She called me a bully. Lmao. At the end of the semester, she dropped out. She was a menaced in the class. She didn't listen. Who got time for it when your own time is sacrificed? 
 

I'm sorry you had to go through that , that was childish of her. I'm gonna toughen up

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Sorry baby girl but, you have to get a backbone. You WILL meet mean girls/ mean instructors in nursing school. And even after nursing schools you will deal with mean CATTY nurses. Stop even trying to interact with these types of people in class. Worry about you and focus on you. People will treat you how you allow them to. Next semester you NEED to set the tone and make sure people understand that you are not to be played with. That you won't partake in gossiping of any sort. Don't allow anyone to call you the "B" word even if it's a joke. It's not funny nor is it a game. You give people a inch they will take a mile. Be friendly but, stern. If you do not put a stop to this now you will become a victim and adopt a WOE is me attitude and people will keep treating you this way. Put a stop to it now! 

 

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Specializes in Wiping tears.

My teachers are astringent about this issue you're addressing. Everyone has been respectful. 

I'm typically a loner. My professors would have to threaten to fail me if I don't collaborate. A serial bully would find me an easy target. One that did it to me made a big mistake. I'm alone, but it doesn't mean I'm a nervous wreck or socially inept. 

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Specializes in Dialysis.

When the bullies resort to calling you names, just tell them that you've been called a whole lot worse by a whole lot better ?

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1 hour ago, CakeKayKae said:

Sorry baby girl but, you have to get a backbone. You WILL meet mean girls/ mean instructors in nursing school. And even after nursing schools you will deal with mean CATTY nurses. Stop even trying to interact with these types of people in class. Worry about you and focus on you. People will treat you how you allow them to. Next semester you NEED to set the tone and make sure people understand that you are not to be played with. That you won't partake in gossiping of any sort. Don't allow anyone to call you the "B" word even if it's a joke. It's not funny nor is it a game. You give people a inch they will take a mile. Be friendly but, stern. If you do not put a stop to this now you will become a victim and adopt a WOE is me attitude and people will keep treating you this way. Put a stop to it now! 

 

Hello ? tysm for this. I actually never interacted with these individuals (the only time I have is maybe if I sat near them or if we have had labs together). This was mostly during AP1 to be honest ,  that's were I caught the most hell. But I will focus on me and my grades as my objective was to learn and get in and out of classes. It's like they spot you out in some manner.. I don't partake in any gossip ( they literally will talk about others and as soon as they run up they end up being fake)... Micro in my CC was mainly gossiping , as for the girl whom called me the "B" word , I have never even talked to her. I've had a conversation with my mom and she was just like ignore them/treat them like they don't exist , but that doesn't always work and in the healthcare field I believe that's sorta looked down upon

well back to this, I know I have to toughen up because it's possible that they will be in nursing school and I've always heard that there is this one instructor that makes you doubt yourself. I know I need to toughen up. Tysm again ? 

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Hey Nursingdoll, I feel what you're going through and have some advice- plus a long story ?.

A very long time ago in actual school, not nursing school, I became the focus of bullies. I was different, quiet, didn't run with a clique, and I guess I looked "some kinda way" to them. I was intimidated by the bullies so didn't know how to respond. The bullying and rumors got worse, until I was a local celebrity in the worst way. Older kids yelling names out of car windows, things thrown at me, constant taunting. This was before bullying was really on the radar so the school did nothing. I ended up quitting school before the legal age, got into a bad lifestyle, and became a person that the bullies would no longer mess with. I gained physical toughness and an interior wall of armor to protect me, but I lost a lot in the process. 

Eventually I straightened out my life. Once I became a mom and got into healthcare, I found that I loved taking care of those who needed my help and wanted to become a nurse. However, when it came time to further my nonexistent education, I found that being among a bunch of people in a school setting made me feel like I was 13 again. I felt like an outcast again and had to figure out how to cope. My instinct at school was to be guarded and silent, so I decided to do the opposite and be kind and friendly to everyone. Even if I'm quite sure someone is talking trash about me as I approach or after I walk away, I never let on. It startles people when they are looking daggers at you and you smile and ask how they are doing. Classmates have commented to me how mean some of the other students are, and I can honestly say I barely notice. If someone was rude to me or a friend, my reply would be asking the lines of "You want to be a nurse and you say things like that? What's wrong with you- is that how you treat patients??" 

Nursing doll, I know you are already in class dealing with these people, so it won't be as simple as a fresh start like I had. But I think you can get through this. You have gotten excellent advice here on how to handle those who are directly insulting you. Making a point to being friendly and interested in other people who are not being overly hostile to you will help you feel more a part of things. Work on caring less what the horrible people think of you- that makes it easier to ignore them or assert yourself.

There will always be nasty human beings in this world, unfortunately. But there are also lots of great people AND there are patients out there that need nurses with compassion and experience with adversity, like us ?. Hang in there. 

 

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