I've noticed a trend of coworkers in their 40s-60s raising their own grandkids.
I don't have grandkids yet even though I have a large number of adult offspring. My kids are all super responsible, maybe that's why. LOL, don't know where they got that from!
I've noticed that meth seems to be a huge problem leading to this. It's definitely a growing phenomenon in America today. Extended family is great, but this trend is disturbing because it results from societal decay that affects us all. Many of our young people are unprepared for parenthood and adulthood in general.
I applaud you grandparents who are stepping up to save these kids. I've told my kids that, no way will I raise grandkids, I need a break after raising so many of my own, but I'd love to babysit a lot when I finally get some. But, there's a problem in our culture. We've lost our bearings somehow.
In Southern Africa, it is not uncommon for grandparents to raise their grandchildren and great grandchildren. There are many reasons for this, other than the fact that traditionally, our families are sometimes very extended. I mean like even if your own grandparents were second cousins a zillion times removed, you're still family. As it is, I live with my cousin's son and a very distant cousin's grandchild.
We have a crisis with (productive) adults dying of AIDS.
Some grandparents provide child care care but receive money from the parents to take care of the family because they had to go to the city to work.
It's also very common that children born out of wedlock are left with their grandparents when the parent marries.
Sometimes, it just has to do with accommodation. Sometimes, unemployment and/or substance abuse are to blame... Other times, any number of reasons are the cause.
I am the grandmother raising 3 grandchildren. My daughter suffered from depression after her 3rd one. The state was going to step in and take them. She signed over care, control, and custody to me. It was only supposed to be for a year.
It has been 4 years now. I filed and recieved guardianship over the youngest 2 and the older went to live with his dad after 3 years.
My daughter has realized that she has made a big error. She has started to go through the court ordered steps to have my guardianship terminated. The kids will be with me for at least 3 more years as she works her steps.
I understand where some people think it is a control thing. I also understand the desperation of not seeing your grandkids cause they are in foster care. I did tough love with my daughter and now it is paying off.
She has a job, is living with me and taking care of her kids on a daily basis. I am stepping back into the role of grandmother, but occassionally I do still have to be mom.
I look forward to the day that I get to be grandma all the time. It is slow work but we will see.
And to kick it back way old school, back in the day there were multi-generations living in a house together well into adulthood, kids, grandkids, nieces, nephews, cousins...
My great grandmother ruled the roost for multiple, multiple years...in one house with many of us.
I think it is a culture thing.
And just to play devil's advocate here, I have seen just as many grandparents who have significant control issues, disillusioned at the thought of an empty nest, can't seem to let go of their kids, dislike their kid's partners, who will fight tooth and nail to get ahold of their grandchild. To use as a giant pawn. To ease the ache of needing a child's unconditional love. To prove something. To be in control of a situation. To feel better about themselves. To passive-aggressively moan and groan about how "hard" it is, but at the same time wanting that praise and admiration. And the sad part about it is that then you have a kid who, no matter how well intended (or not) a grandparent is, is not their parent. And that feeling of abandonment doesn't go away--but is acted out in a variety of ways.
Unfortunetely, that then becomes wounded people who raise wounded kids, and just to make it stick, raise wounded kids again.
So to me, it is 2 different things. Multi-generational family living is a cultural thing, and is very different than a grandparent who then takes on grandchildren.
Just needed to be reposted-spot on.
So many wounded people in the world-too many-that are raising generations of wounded people.
. Not all 2 parent households are cake.
Agree...it's a conversation that I have with my future husband.
I had two wounded parents as well; it affected me to the point of the choices I engaged in-to the point I ended up being a DV survivor; it has takes me years to heal some wounds-it's hard work undoing habits that are traumatic in nature and a part of the environment.
Trauma produces wounds and transcends all cultures and economic backgrounds; I've been more aware, especially after surviving trauma.
My kids are in college, and feel way too young to be having children, so I have no grandchildren. I hope I never have to raise grand kids, partly because I'd like to enjoy being empty nesters and doing fun things with my husband. We are both active and healthy, and there are so many things we'd like to do that require the ability to be free from those kinds of daily obligations.
I have a friend who is raising her two grand kids because her D is a drug addict and not capable of raising them. It was fine for a while, but now the oldest child is getting rebellious and mouthy, and I feel really bad for my friend. It's hard enough to deal with that when they are your own children and you are young and energetic, but to have to go through that when that energy is not in such great supply, I just can't imagine. She is in her early sixties and is having to work more and more hours to be able to afford to raise these girls, so she is really stressed out right now. They all love each other, but of course these girls don't realize the sacrifice their grandparents are making for them. On their part, the kids are just going through their own adolescence and must be hurting over the fact that their "real parents" seem to want to have little to do with them, unlike most of their peers' parents, who live in an affluent community and tend to be very engaged with their kids.
Specializes in Critical Care, Med-Surg, Psych, Geri, LTC, Tele,.
Horseshoe: re: "My kids are in college, and feel way too young to be having children, so I have no grandchildren. I hope I never have to raise grand kids"
Yes! Thank goodness!!! My daughter feels the same way! And I do, too.
AspiringToRN
5 Posts
In Southern Africa, it is not uncommon for grandparents to raise their grandchildren and great grandchildren. There are many reasons for this, other than the fact that traditionally, our families are sometimes very extended. I mean like even if your own grandparents were second cousins a zillion times removed, you're still family. As it is, I live with my cousin's son and a very distant cousin's grandchild.
We have a crisis with (productive) adults dying of AIDS.
Some grandparents provide child care care but receive money from the parents to take care of the family because they had to go to the city to work.
It's also very common that children born out of wedlock are left with their grandparents when the parent marries.
Sometimes, it just has to do with accommodation. Sometimes, unemployment and/or substance abuse are to blame... Other times, any number of reasons are the cause.