Gay Nurses... help!

gitterbug · Apr 29, 2007

I am just one of those people who does not care if you are gay, green, fat, or tall. I want to work with a good nurse. My co workers know the basics of my personal life, they have no need for indepth details.

pawashrn · Apr 29, 2007

what you do in your personal life, is not the business of the patient unless you make it their business. Change the focus back on the patient

David Offenbaker, BSN, RN · May 22, 2007

Hey there,

Currently I'm in nursing school and out to most of my classmates. Mind you I'm not what you'd call a 'flaming' queen and flaunt my sexuality. We joke and talk about certain things in class, but in the clinical site it's never mentioned.

Most of the time patients tend to think your the doctor (please tell me this happens to you-- if not I'd feel rather arrogant). Usually, I talk to the patients about their family if they mention it-- and make small talk from there. But as to whether or not I'd mention my sexuality to a patient-- that would be no. Just don't think it's the place to bring it about

corbinRN · Jun 26, 2007

I haven't read through what everyone else said about the initial post, but I just wanted to leave my opinion.

I am a heterosexual male nursing student, but I would think that if they assume that you are straight and they ask about your girlfriend/wife, just tell them that you don't have a gf/wife. If they assume you're gay, and they don't act offended by it or anything, then I would assume it would be OK to tell them.

But if they don't ask, don't tell.

Hope this is helpful and what you were looking for.

-Dan

sleepyRN2 · Apr 14, 2008

i am not openly gay, although once in a while i will consciously or unconsciously, willfully and playfully throw bits of my real sexuality, as a litmus test. as i have come to a sad decision in not engaging in full disclosure at work, sadly, because from my experience and on careful observations come to a conclusion on the nature of a many out there who have, for some reason or another, relegated themselves in disbelieving in the natural order of things. even going as far as, and pls. do not misconstrue me, when armed with all naturalness in facing the "majority" for a safe and healthy environment where the marginalized one could breathe, not having to fear of his or her safety, but as it so happens there exist that hint of dangerous animosity enough to place that one in a silent predicament; sadly, there was a time when i believed that people were understanding of others "choices" (employing here some of the choiced words) or of their natural proclivities, such that when growing up and on hearing some gay bashes were nothing but anomalies; however, me having to experience denouncement coming so close have accepted the futility in investing precious time---dashed hopes that that majority in the least willing to lay down negative, pejorative assessments of the harmless and natural outliers; it's just too damn ****** up!!!!

The_Wonderkid · Apr 16, 2008

Everyone at my workplace knows I am gay however the patient have no reason, need or right to know about my personal life in any way, shape or form. If I am asked Ill say yes to a girlfriend but thats mainly just to keep the peace (some patients, especially male, may find it hard to deal with and I don't wanna mess up a therapeutic relationship (Mental Health Nurse here!) just cos I 'came out' to them). If a patient asked me flat out I would probably say no but it depends on the situation. If it was in a community team possibly but I dont feel comfortable having it talked about on a ward setting!

TWK

TLCinCICU · Jul 8, 2008

It really depends upon the setting where you practice. I wouldn't have volunteered one iota of personal info while I was a new grad back in western Kentucky. I would have used every "therapeutic communication" skill at my disposal to divert the conversation topic. Here in Ohio, I am much more relaxed about it. (In all honesty, Columbus is one of the best cities in the US for GLBT people to live.) There are ways of being evasive, while still telling the truth. I say things such as "I never really felt the need to get married" or "I have a close friend and we do a lot together". The patient and I generally wind up chuckling about it. However, I do have a small rainbow friendship bracelet tied around my stethoscope. Those who recognize give themselves away quickly and we start talking about our GLBT lives.

Dr.Nurse2b · Jul 8, 2008

Hi - Wondering if any gay nurses have an insight into some concerns i've been having...
How much do you self-disclose about yourself? What do you say when patients assume you are straight, and ask you about your girlfriend/wife? How about when they assume you are gay?!? How appropriate is it to be out to them? to your co-workers? Certainly there is a double standard, as straight nurses would be 'out' at work (by talking about thier family, or feeling comfortable self-disclosing about their family), but what techniques do you use at work?
Oh, and if you respond - please mention a little about what kind of nursing you do.
Thanks so much!
EDIT: Thanks for the first several responses - I wanted to update my question a little. I guess I am asking specifically about the situation when patients ask about your personal life (which, during nursing school, we were taught not to disclose, since the focus should be on the pt. not on the nurse.) But at the same time, we have to build a healty, healing relationship... answers?

I hope this will help...

I present on the feminine side...not in my appearance but how I behave. I think I developed this persona as a result of my worry that I was too aggressive and might offend people...don't want to scare my patients!

Many people/patients that I encounter assume I am gay...but I am not. When asked if I am...and they do ask...I just smile and come up with some anecdotal comment that makes everyone laugh...or maybe I'll go with it which sometimes get me in trouble...but thats OK...But whatever I respond I make certain that I never make the person who is asking feel uncomfortable...we are here for the people. I am never offended and acutally I always thought it was kind of flattering to hear that some guy wanted to know if I was gay because he wanted my number.

So...straight, gay...whatever. Nobody poops ice cream so relax. People make small talk when they are nervous...especially in a strange environment like a hospital...make the patients feel comfortable even if that means you have to pretend you're the gay nurse...or the straight nurse that appears to be gay...but is not...or is pretending not...to be...gay that is. :chuckle

And a question about your wife could just as well been a question about what you had for lunch.

Be happy no one is asking if you took a shower this morning. :yeah:

My 2 Cents :twocents:

Dr.Nurse2b · Jul 8, 2008

Now I remember what the professor said...

ASEXUAL...we are supposed to be ASEXUAL

So the correct answer for the NCLEX Hospital is:

B. No Butts, No Boobs, No Backs! Now I remember!

Well I bet thats a load of BS when you graduate...

I see nurses that seem to tailor their scrubs to accentuate every bit of girly girl they have. Hard to miss a 5'2" girl with a 26 inch waste and a pair of 36 inch...oh well you know.

So whats the difference if your are flaunting curves or flying rainbows?

I don't pay attention to this stuff in practice but this is pretty interesting now you mention it. Perhaps we should wear potato sacks and name tags that say "Hi My Name is "Bobbie"...

Just more drama. :) Nothing like a little sexual tension to spice up the work environment.

OK...I am going to study now! Ignore me!

leemacaz · Jul 9, 2008

I am not a nurse or etc., but am someone who might wind up in a hospital as a patient.....

I do not want to know about anyone who might be my health care providers sex lives!

Although I would prefer a male for intimate care (If I could not do it myself) and then it would be grudgingly...beyond that I see no reason for sex, sexual preference, or sexual experiences to be an issue at all..no reason to discuss at all....and telling me your sexual orientation out of hand is gonna make me nervous as all git out....With as little time as providers have to take care of as many as they are assigned...about all that should be discussed is simply what and why whatever is going on with my treatment...If I am well enough to gab and gossip I am well enough to go home.

Keep it professional.

..except for how you perform your duties and treat me I am not going to want to know ....I am just going to want to heal to the point I can go home. It would be the same if you tried to tell me your political party..or about your family feuds. I have my life you have yours.

I do not mean any of this to sound cranky....

corbinRN · Jul 13, 2008

I don't know if anyone said this because I was too lazy to read all nine pages, but:

I am not gay, but why do people think that gay men are attracted to EVERY guy he sees? I'm a straight male and I'm not attracted to every woman I see. So, I know this isn't realistic, but gay male nurses should be able to work with other straight men without making them feel uncomfortable in their work environment.

So yeah, some gay men hit on straight men. But some straight men hit on lesbians without knowing it too. Some gay men hit on gay men who in turn are not interested.

We're all people! We all are sexually attracted to people. It shouldn't matter this much.

Why can't I have a gay best friend without others thinking I'm gay?

I hope you understand what I'm saying and don't take it wrongly!

Peace, Love, and Happiness; not war, hate, and sadness.

dan

SteveNNP, MSN, NP · Jul 13, 2008

True Dan, just like women don't drool over every man that doesn't have a wedding band on...(well, some do)