Hi - Wondering if any gay nurses have an insight into some concerns i've been having...
How much do you self-disclose about yourself? What do you say when patients assume you are straight, and ask you about your girlfriend/wife? How about when they assume you are gay?!? How appropriate is it to be out to them? to your co-workers? Certainly there is a double standard, as straight nurses would be 'out' at work (by talking about thier family, or feeling comfortable self-disclosing about their family), but what techniques do you use at work?
Oh, and if you respond - please mention a little about what kind of nursing you do.
Thanks so much!
EDIT: Thanks for the first several responses - I wanted to update my question a little. I guess I am asking specifically about the situation when patients ask about your personal life (which, during nursing school, we were taught not to disclose, since the focus should be on the pt. not on the nurse.) But at the same time, we have to build a healty, healing relationship... answers?
I just have to throw my two cents in too (wasn't going to, but I haven't slept in a while, so I'm chatty).
This is what I don't get about straight guys. Why do so many of them think all gay men would want to hit on them? I'm a straight chick, so I dig men too, but I don't come on to every guy I meet...I would expect that gay men (and lesbians), like straight people, are no different. Liking the same sex wouldn't automatically qualify you to like ALL of the specimens of that gender.
I think the world would be a better place if everyone had a little common sense. We'd all get along just a little bit more too. lol
I just have to throw my two cents in too (wasn't going to, but I haven't slept in a while, so I'm chatty).
This is what I don't get about straight guys. Why do so many of them think all gay men would want to hit on them? I'm a straight chick, so I dig men too, but I don't come on to every guy I meet...I would expect that gay men (and lesbians), like straight people, are no different. Liking the same sex wouldn't automatically qualify you to like ALL of the specimens of that gender.
I think the world would be a better place if everyone had a little common sense. We'd all get along just a little bit more too. lol
Just as women are allegedly never entirely secure with their body image, men tend to be overly confident. I have a friend who runs an adult web site and if you could see the pictures he gets sent of men offering to model for him...scary.
Well this is an old one, but seems to have been revived recently... I am a gay CNA/NS, and I do not keep that from my co-corkers, managers, teachers, or fellow students. There are of course some that do not agree, but they are professionals and do not take it out on me, and I respect their feelings. As for patients, I dont tell them, and when they ask if I have a girlfriend or wife I say not at the moment. If they call me out on being gay... I do not deny it. A few months ago I had a very rough and tough union man come in, very much a macho man. He called me on it in about a minute. I was a little taken back, but thankfully right after that he said... "I dont care buddy, I have a son who just came out to me and wanted to ask some questions". It ended up being a wonderful situation for me and the patient, and his son as well. I kept everything very professional, and I only said anything because I thought it to be beneficial for the patients psychosocial well being. I guess you can say I just play it by ear.
Just as women are allegedly never entirely secure with their body image, men tend to be overly confident. I have a friend who runs an adult web site and if you could see the pictures he gets sent of men offering to model for him...scary.
By that same token, I can tell you I know plenty of women with that same overly confident attitude who are heterosexual. One friend, in fact, offered her naked self to a be put on a 23 year old man's amateur Media web site when she was only 16...she's 25 today, and her biggest aspiration in life is to be in playboy (not that she's playboy material being close to 300 lbs--don't construe that as degradation of the overweight because I'll readily admit, I'm not playboy material myself).
I'm just saying, I know heterosexual women who are just as overtly confident. :wink2:
By that same token, I can tell you I know plenty of women with that same overly confident attitude who are heterosexual. One friend, in fact, offered her naked self to a be put on a 23 year old man's amateur Media web site when she was only 16...she's 25 today, and her biggest aspiration in life is to be in playboy (not that she's playboy material being close to 300 lbs--don't construe that as degradation of the overweight because I'll readily admit, I'm not playboy material myself).
I'm just saying, I know heterosexual women who are just as overtly confident. :wink2:
Come to think of it I have met women like that as well.
But I think this is a phenemenon more common to the male species than the female.
When I am at work I am a Nurse..I leave my personal life where it belongs...at home..not work! I would never engage in discussions about my personal life at work because I am solely there to ensure my patients receive the best quality care. This works for me!! :)
I'm a gay student nurse, but I don't disclose my sexual preference during clinical with other nurses or staff. But I have a story to share. Last semester, I went earlier to do my careplan of my patients. The night shift nurses were there and bored...so they started chit-chatting. One of them saw my wedding band, and asked, "OMG, how old are you? You're married?" I responded, "Er...yeah...I'm actually 30". She continued asking, "is your wife a nurse too?"...I paused...and said, "no, HE is a teacher". You should look at her face changed...LOL!
I'm not a nurse, I'm a patient care tech with 8 years experiance. I'm also awaiting entry into the respiratory therapy program. I have been out at work for a very long time and it's a non issue. Everyone knows I'm a lesbian and when my partner and I got married this summer everyone was very excited and supportive. My partner used to work at the same hospital so many of my coworkers know her also. When patients are making small talk and ask if I am married I say yes! But, I do not elaborate. I have had a few gay patients who have flat out asked me about my orientation and I have been honest with them.
As a gay male in his 40's I have seen the incidence of homophobia in the workplace decline quite a bit. Of course I moved from Georgia to San Jose to escape some of that but all in all it's a more accepting workplace. Gay people have had a tough time as a minority in society. I remember when I was in my twenties I saw my first gay bashing and it really shook me up. Then, when Mathew Sheppard was tied to a post and beaten to death by those criminals, it really put homophobia in the national spotlight.
I had a very hard time dealing with my sexuality. I did not want to be gay and I tried religion and therapy to 'get over' it like it was a disease. After a great deal of soul searching I slowly came to realize that I was no better or worse than any other human for the sexuality that I did not choose. I decided that I would stop beating myself up over it and stop taking the mental garbage that others were throwing my way, friends and family included. After that my life blossomed. I was no longer holding back who I was and that allowed me to grow instead of wither. Most people don't realize I'm gay when they meet me. I've never been a 'fabulous' homosexual. I'm more of a slogger at it, I'm afraid and sometimes I envy those who are better at it than me.
As for work...I'm 'out' and I don't make any beans about it. I have a partner of 5 years and I find men attractive. That's who I am. I have a sexuality and while it's not a big part of my work life, I am not going to hide it in fear because it is just as beautiful and worthy of respect as any other part of me or any one else. I owe it to the next generation to leave this world in better shape than I left it. I decided to do that, in part, by fighting homophobia. I perform my care in a nonjudgemental fashion and don't expect to be judged if my sexuality is revealed in conversation. Nursing, by its nature is a very personal profession. You perform sometimes embarrassing or painful procedures on a human and they tend to want to know a little bit about you. Accepting who I am, allows me to better accept other humans for who they are. Sometimes other people are in a place that requires some personal growth before they can be accepting of gays, or blacks, or indians, or any other minority. It's not for me to either shelter them from it and stunt their growth or judge them for being in a place that I was in at an earlier stage. However I owe it to the world to be a good person and a worthy nurse who, among many other things, is an unashamed homosexual. I don't accept intolerance and point it out when I see it. "I hope that look on your face wasn't because I responded to your question that I live with my boyfriend. Because we are gay, we are not allowed to get married, therefore we have no choice but to live in sin. Write your congressman about it, would you?"
Thanks for sharing your story, EmergencyDpt. It's really moving. I totally understand how you feel. My partner and I have been together for three years and recently with the Prop 8 being passed in CA, we are now floating in the air, not knowing what's gonna happen to our future. We simply do not understand why people want to treat us differently, when they themselves are the minorities. Seventy percent of the blacks voted yes on Prop 8 compares to 49% of Whites. This is not a matter of racial issue, but it's just plain sad that people do not understand that they themselves have been discriminated all these whiles, and yet they still want to discriminate others. We are now writing to the Mr. Obama and the Congressmen on this issue. I have faith that he will do something, sooner or later. Peace!
Jimmy and I were really dissapointed about that vote. They couldn't have passed it without using lies and misdirection. In exit polls, 80% of people who voted for prop 8 did so to keep homosexuality from being taught in the schools. This was one of many lie campaigns used by the prop 8 religious people who put out commercials that if prop 8 didn't pass, then CA schools would somehow be teaching 2nd graders to be gay. This is a total fabrication and the Superintendant of Schools put out a commercial decrying this decietful tactic. Gay people already had the right to get married and some 18,000 had tied the knot. There is nothing taught about marriage at any grade level in schools. Prop 8 was about taking the right of gay people to get married away from them, not about teaching 2nd graders to be gay. This is just the kind of 'win at any cost' tactic used by certain groups that want to make governing a zero sum game instead of win-win cooperation that it should be. It's very unAmerican and dispicable. That blacks fell for this trick in such huge numbers means that society has a very short memory as it wasn't too long ago that a black man couldn't marry a white woman in the US and the very same arguments where used against them...that black men would be grabbing little white girls if they got the ability to marry whites. No one wants to lend a hand when it's the other guy's back up against the wall.
Me, SN
48 Posts
I just have to throw my two cents in too (wasn't going to, but I haven't slept in a while, so I'm chatty).
This is what I don't get about straight guys. Why do so many of them think all gay men would want to hit on them? I'm a straight chick, so I dig men too, but I don't come on to every guy I meet...I would expect that gay men (and lesbians), like straight people, are no different. Liking the same sex wouldn't automatically qualify you to like ALL of the specimens of that gender.
I think the world would be a better place if everyone had a little common sense. We'd all get along just a little bit more too. lol