Being Gay and a Male Nursing Student

[RShieldsSN14]

I'm aware that the words 'Gay' and 'Nursing' may somehow go hand-and-hand for some, and others may find it comical, but I've found it quite uncomfortable being gay and a male, nursing student simply because people tend to treat you differently-whether that is not being taken seriously or socially treated like one of the women nurses and/or techs.

Although I keep my personal and work life separate and I have a passion for nursing, but many people still seem to pick up that "vibe" then judge me accordingly. Sometimes I feel like I have to work harder than the other students simply because many people tend to associate gay men with a long list of stereotypical humor and cruelty.

If there are any other gay, male nursing students OR Nurses out there, share your coping mechanisms while in class and/or on the job.

[blackboxwarning]

I'm a straight woman, but I know exactly where you're coming from. People meet you and immediately want to know which box to put you in, and they're disappointed when you don't fit. We all experience this to different degrees, in different ways.

[Corey Narry, MSN, RN, NP]

Julius Seizure said:

Is it "okay" for a patient to say that they don't want a black nurse? An Asian nurse? What about a nurse who is a Jehovah's witness? What about an overweight nurse? What if they only which to be cared for by nurses who are married? Should those requests be catered to as well? Of course patients can request whatever they want, but is the hospital ethically bound to accommodate it if they are able?

Patient's who are deemed competent can make choices and decisions regarding their care by virtue of the principle of autonomy. That would include having the liberty to choose their provider or nurse however reasonable that request may be. However, hospitals should be aware that the Civil Rights Act of 1964 ensures that employees are protected from discrimination based on race, color, religion, sex, and national origin. As hospital employees, nurses are granted that protection by the law.

There was a landmark case in Michigan a few years back where a self-identifying racist parent refused care of a child from nurses who are black. The hospital accommodated the request by posting a sign (on the chart, I believe) that no black nurses are to be assigned to the patient. A lawsuit was filed with the EEOC against the medical center by one of the nurses affected. The case ended in settlement in the amount of $200,000 to the nurse who sued.

Sexual orientation is not clearly defined as a protected class by the Civil Rights Act but there are many states that have laws against discrimination based on sexual orientation or even gender identity. However, there has not been a publicized case I'm aware of where a patient refused care from a nurse based on the nurse's sexual orientation.

[Corey Narry, MSN, RN, NP]

After reading through the replies, a few comments caught me off guard...

Those that said they were fine with a gay co-worker as long as he doesn't talk openly about his sexual exploits. Really? as if gay men have a predisposition to talk openly about their sexual experiences. Gay men were largely raised by parents in the same society everyone else grew up in...one that for the most part taught them a set of mores and social convention that makes it inappropriate to discuss such topics in a professional environment. The fact that some of us know nurses, gay or straight, male or female, who have exhibited said behavior has more to do with lack of manners and no particular group can claim exclusive ownership of such behavior.

Those that said they are fine with a gay co-worker as long as they are not flamboyant. What does that even mean? Gay men are not a monochromatic group of people as many of us know. There are masculine-acting gay men on one end of the spectrum and feminine acting ones on the other end. Many fall in between both ends of that spectrum. Are we only accepting gay men on the condition that they fall closer along the masculine end of the spectrum? That's like saying I'm only a half homophobe. What about lesbians who have masculine haircuts and physiques? Are they not OK too? What about transgender nurses who are certainly part of the LGBT umbrella?

Coming out is a process that is very difficult for all LGBT people. I give a lot of credit and respect to those who come out and are not afraid to show their LGBT colors to their family, friends, and co-workers regardless of where they are on the spectrum. Things may have changed now from 20 years ago but you are either an ally and accept all LGBT people or you don't.

[onlygoodvibez]

I feel like gay men 9 times out of 10 who are more 'obviously' gay get treated better than gay men who aren't as 'obvious'. This is speaking from my own experiences in which women have been very disinclined to like me, apparently; they don't outright say negative or disparaging things, but their body language and intonation of words says a lot. I try hard to be friendly, but I don't kiss a** or try and forge any personal bonds that aren't 50:50.

Im not going to tell you how cute your shoes are or become anyones registered "gay best friend." For the record, if a gay dude doesn't immediately tell someone how cute their hair looks or mention a manicure then that is not indicative of them being a rude person on their part.

Please no one misunderstand, I love woman; theres millions of cool girls out there ...this has only been my personal experience with females generally. Ive never had any of these issues with men.

[Ruby Vee, BSN]

juan de la cruz said:

Things may have changed now from 20 years ago but you are either an ally and accept all LGBT people or you don't.

Or you are trying very hard to accept all LGBT people because you know it's the right thing to do, but you still have a few blind spots you haven't yet eliminated. Or you haven't yet spent enough time with a LGBT individual to realize that they're just people too. Give us all a chance to change before you discount us as allies.

[Ruby Vee, BSN]

onlygoodvibez said:

I feel like gay men 9 times out of 10 who are more 'obviously' gay get treated better than gay men who aren't as 'obvious'. This is speaking from my own experiences in which women have been very disinclined to like me, apparently; they don't outright say negative or disparaging things, but their body language and intonation of words says a lot. I try hard to be friendly, but I don't kiss a** or try and forge any personal bonds that aren't 50:50.

Im not going to tell you how cute your shoes are or become anyones registered "gay best friend." For the record, if a gay dude doesn't immediately tell someone how cute their hair looks or mention a manicure then that is not indicative of them being a rude person on their part.

Please no one misunderstand, I love woman; theres millions of cool girls out there ...this has only been my personal experience with females generally. Ive never had any of these issues with men.

Perhaps your personal experiences have more to do with you as a person than they do with women accepting "obviously" gay men more than gay men who aren't "obvious." It seems that you love the "cool girls" out there, but perhaps don't love women as much?

[wad1224]

While I'm only in the prereq phase of my RN slog, I must say the people who are saying that the patient has a right to know their caretakers sexuality are wrong in every context. My mother, an RN for over 40 years, has informed me that you don't even have to provide the patient with your last name, let alone your sexuality. However, they do have the right to refuse care from a particular nurse if they so choose. Furthermore, if the patient is in a critically short staffed hospital, they'll only be delaying their care that much longer if they insist on another nurse, aide, etc.

[NURSEHOTLIPS]

Dont ask, Dont tell

[Corey Narry, MSN, RN, NP]

Ruby Vee said:

Or you are trying very hard to accept all LGBT people because you know it's the right thing to do, but you still have a few blind spots you haven't yet eliminated. Or you haven't yet spent enough time with a LGBT individual to realize that they're just people too. Give us all a chance to change before you discount us as allies.

Really? I prefer to keep all my personal life separate from allnurses but I am VERY familiar with the LGBT community. I am not here to change people's opinions, I'm just stating my own but everyone has their own prejudice and I accept that.

[apmarquez]

I am gay and keep to myself; no one in my nursing program knows i think and if they do they don't say anything. I haven't been treated differently at all.

[wad1224]

btw, I'm queer/bisexual but I don't feel the need to broadcast it. When I do open up to people regarding my sexuality most seem to be really surprised. At the end of the day its nobody's business, I only speak up regarding it if someone is talking trash. I wouldn't check a patient but most certainly do in my personal life and with coworkers. You can't control who you fall in love with/are attracted to.

[Corey Narry, MSN, RN, NP]

On 3/17/2018 at 2:53 PM, NURSEHOTLIPS said:

Dont ask, Dont tell

Hmm, a short response like this one needs further context. "Don't Ask, Don't Tell" was a policy by the Armed Forces to address LGBT issues in the 90's and has been repealed. It went by the thinking that it's OK for gays and lesbians to enlist in the Armed Forces as long as they don't openly discuss their sexual orientation because the realization of knowing that someone in the military is gay or lesbian can be disruptive to morale among their peers. You can obviously translate that concept to workplace dynamics particularly to health care settings. Are you then advocating for "Don't Ask, Don't Tell" for nurses in hospitals as well?