As I was reading one of the posts about this nurse's first encounter of a patient demise and how she couldnt control her emotions and started crying, I became curious of the following:
1. How did you handle such a situation, demise of a patient you cared?
2. Did you cry? If you cried, did you go to a private place and cry while controlling yourself in front of others? If you did not cry, what was your feeling at that time?
While I usually do not cry, I believe I would cry if I am deeply affected emotionally but in a private place (I guess it is the male thing in me...lol)
I've always thought that men that cry is a weaknes, women too.
I've heard that when people cry it's because they have related what they'r seeing that's making them cry... to their own life. Meaning, people cry for themselves. It sounds more like a selfish explaination, but it kind of makes sense. Your working at a nursing home and the patients family is there with the father thats dieing, he dies the family cries and you don't cause you hated your father or... you cry cause you hated your father and it's making you sad cause the people in front of you love thier father and why couldn't your father be normal so you could love him. People cry for themselves... but, isn't that what crying is anyway..? When I was in nursing school on my O.B. rotation there was a young woman in her early twenties by herself giving birth... she was giving the child up for adoption. I was curious to see if the nurses were going to let the mother hold the child for a brief moment before sending him away to the adoption agency... and I was thinking what's gonna happen to this baby... will the people that adopt him be good to the baby and treat him like the natural parent would... I had to quickly leave the room and hide in the nearest bathroom cause I lost it. My instructor saw me make my mad dash toward the door and when I came out of the bathroom she took me aside and asked me what happened. "Well... I said, I'm not sure what happened there, maybe it was because I was adopted." I think I was feeling for the baby and thinking about the mothers thoughts of picturing her baby getting adopted by a nice loving family in a nice big house and a big yard to play in ... Obviously, this was not the setting I was placed in. My adoptive father turned out to be a pervert... I told my adoptive mother.. she refused to believe. A birth mother wouldn't refuse to believe. So, I guess I was crying for myself.
I have never cried due to loosing a pt. But I have never lost a pedi pt. I work in pedi and we rarely loose pts.
However, I was approached about doing some PRN work in pedi hospice care. I declined. I simply told them the truth- I would be no good to anyone in that situation because I would be too busy bawling my eyes out!
I've always thought that men that cry is a weaknes, women too.
I've heard that when people cry it's because they have related what they'r seeing that's making them cry... to their own life. Meaning, people cry for themselves. It sounds more like a selfish explaination, but it kind of makes sense. Your working at a nursing home and the patients family is there with the father thats dieing, he dies the family cries and you don't cause you hated your father or... you cry cause you hated your father and it's making you sad cause the people in front of you love thier father and why couldn't your father be normal so you could love him. People cry for themselves... but, isn't that what crying is anyway..? When I was in nursing school on my O.B. rotation there was a young woman in her early twenties by herself giving birth... she was giving the child up for adoption. I was curious to see if the nurses were going to let the mother hold the child for a brief moment before sending him away to the adoption agency... and I was thinking what's gonna happen to this baby... will the people that adopt him be good to the baby and treat him like the natural parent would... I had to quickly leave the room and hide in the nearest bathroom cause I lost it. My instructor saw me make my mad dash toward the door and when I came out of the bathroom she took me aside and asked me what happened. "Well... I said, I'm not sure what happened there, maybe it was because I was adopted." I think I was feeling for the baby and thinking about the mothers thoughts of picturing her baby getting adopted by a nice loving family in a nice big house and a big yard to play in ... Obviously, this was not the setting I was placed in. My adoptive father turned out to be a pervert... I told my adoptive mother.. she refused to believe. A birth mother wouldn't refuse to believe. So, I guess I was crying for myself.
First, I'm sorry for your bad experience as a child. No one should have to go through that. I think your experience with the OB rotation illustrates that we often understand the pain others may be going through by relating it to our own. And I do think having experienced pain helps us to understand others' pain. As I sometimes tell patients who are hesitant to take pain meds, I used to be really brave about pain, until I actually had some. And I think what applies to physical pain applies to psychic pain, as well.
It's your equation of crying with weakness that provokes me to reply, though. Actually, I think you may be right. Crying does show us in a moment of weakness. But I think weakness is pretty fundamental to the human condition. We are all weak, in at least some ways. But I also think a very strong individual can be confident enough in his or her strengths not to be afraid to show his or her weaknesses. Courage isn't necessarily the absence of fear--it can be doing what needs to be done in spite of ones fears, and strength isn't necessarily the absence of weakness, but dealing with it.
I don't think I accept that we always cry for ourselves, either. I think it is possible to empathize with someone whose experience is very different from ones own. Although, I have to undermine my own argument by noting that pretty much all human experience is universal, and maybe those with a high level of empathy are just better at recognizing that universality. So I suppose I have to concede the possibility that when we are moved to tears by the grief of another, it's because it resonates with grief(s) of our own. But I don't think it's selfish, or weak, to bond with another at that level. Or, for that matter, to stay just a little detached, if that's what it takes to be able to function. I do think it's a waste of energy to worry too much about what anyone outside the situation might think.
I never really cried but I do shed a tear. The first time I did at work was when I was caring for a critically ill boy. When he finally passed away, it was sad but I wasn't affected too much. What did affect me was when the mother stormed into the room wailing in tears at the death of her boy. Not long after, the rest of the boy's family came and cried with her as well. I had to turn away and leave the room just so that I will not be drawn into the grief. It was very sad and I did shed tears for what happened. Still, professionalism dictates that it is inappropriate for nurses to cry with their patients or significant others so I grieve in private.
But yeah, as a human I am entitled to shed a tear. Interestingly, I also shed a tear when I first delivered a baby. It's not because it was sad but because there's something about the image of that new mother and child that got to me.
Now that I've been in NICU for 2 years...yeah, I've cried over a few babies I've lost. I was really attached to 2 of them, worked with them and their family every day for 3-5 months before they died.
Specializes in Oncology, ID, Hepatology, Occy Health.
1. How did you handle such a situation, demise of a patient you cared?
2. Did you cry? If you cried, did you go to a private place and cry while controlling yourself in front of others? If you did not cry, what was your feeling at that time?
....
1. I tell myself it's not my place to grieve in a professional relationship. I am neither the patient's friend nor family, and they certainly don't need to see nurses, doctors or care assistants going to pieces, crying, being inappropriate or turning up at funerals. I try to remain understanding, calm, professional, supportive and empathetic while maintaining that very necessary professional distance.
Every time my hospice pt I grew attached to died on my watch I would cry for him/her on my drive home. Now, working with peds of which some have died, I find my self shedding a tear in the same way. I'm not a great talker, so for me remembering that person, who entrusted me with his/her care, for one more time is a great way to vent my emotions and start once again the next day...
Specializes in Oncology; medical specialty website.
I never really cried but I do shed a tear. The first time I did at work was when I was caring for a critically ill boy. When he finally passed away, it was sad but I wasn't affected too much. What did affect me was when the mother stormed into the room wailing in tears at the death of her boy. Not long after, the rest of the boy's family came and cried with her as well. I had to turn away and leave the room just so that I will not be drawn into the grief. It was very sad and I did shed tears for what happened. Still, professionalism dictates that it is inappropriate for nurses to cry with their patients or significant others so I grieve in private.
But yeah, as a human I am entitled to shed a tear. Interestingly, I also shed a tear when I first delivered a baby. It's not because it was sad but because there's something about the image of that new mother and child that got to me.
Since when? Can you provide some sort of link where it's stated that nurses may not cry with a patient or family member? What, will you get reported to the BON or something?
Specializes in Oncology; medical specialty website.
1. I tell myself it's not my place to grieve in a professional relationship. I am neither the patient's friend nor family, and they certainly don't need to see nurses, doctors or care assistants going to pieces, crying, being inappropriate or turning up at funerals. I try to remain understanding, calm, professional, supportive and empathetic while maintaining that very necessary professional distance.
2. Cry for a patient, never.
I never realized how cold male nurses were. If I'm ever in the hospital again, now I know to refuse a male nurse providing my care. I want someone who's human, not a cyborg.
Specializes in Leadership, Psych, HomeCare, Amb. Care.
I never realized how cold male nurses were. If I'm ever in the hospital again, now I know to refuse a male nurse providing my care. I want someone who's human, not a cyborg.
I don't think I'd want a nurse that forms an opinion about an entire group of people based on a sample of one.
nursemike, ASN, RN
1 Article; 2,362 Posts
Amen, Brother.
Fun, too, though.