Male Contraception???

SmilingBluEyes · Aug 1, 2003

Well certainly 11 YEAR OLDS HAVING BABIES IS A HORRENDOUS societal problem that is SCREAMING FOR ANSWERS AND OUR ATTENTION. I know, I work in OB; I see the tragedies as well as any NICU nurse does. So a male contraceptive solves THIS huge and troublesome issue...

how?

I think we better consider a heckuva lot more than new contraceptive methods in confronting teen and pre-teen pregnancy. And I think MANY pregnancies occuring under age 14 are NOT a result of a mutually-consenting sexual relationship, either. I think we are now talking about coersion, rape or the like.

You have brought up some very valid concerns, Kristi. I agree! And I shake my head in sadness when I see younger and younger girls come in pregnant repeatedly---I have seen several multigravidas at AGE 17! Just had one had her 3rd baby with us.

Coug---interesting note about female condoms---something I never thought of or considered!!!

Somehow I think this very multi-dimensional and horrifiying problem is not gonna be solved overnight or with any magic pharmaceutical. I don't know what else to say, except it begins with me and educating my own kids better. It's about all any parent can do.

NICU_Nurse, BSN, RN · Aug 1, 2003

We used to give out the female condoms for free, but they got dusty because no one wanted them! They'd even go through the bag and pull them out and give them back to us, they were so unpopular. I have attempted to use them a few times with my husband, and I have to say I'm not impressed with the "technology." We ended up laughing so hard each time we could barely get it on.

SmilingBluEyes · Aug 1, 2003

rofl kristi. yep sounds typical....

Tweety, BSN, RN · Aug 1, 2003

Originally posted by Furball
If people would only have sex when procreation is wanted we wouldn't have all these problems of unwanted babies......abortions wouldn't be needed.

:rotfl: :rotfl: :rotfl:

allnurses Guide · Aug 2, 2003

Kristi and Deb . .. great posts. The crux of the issue with 11 year olds having babies is not greater contraceptive use but somehow giving that 10 year old the feeling that she is more valuable than she obviously thinks she is. I just came home from checking on my daughter who is camping nearby with our youth group. They went rafting (and my daughter had a spill and was caught under the water for awhile. Scared her and me). We left all these kids as they were getting ready to eat around a campfire, laughing and being silly - being kids. Came home to see one of my daughter's school friends getting out of a car driven by high school boys smoking cigarettes. A 13 year old should not be driving around with high school boys. What is her mother thinking? I know she knows her daughter behaves this way. She is already well known for giving bj's to high school boys. sigh . . . . I'll take the river rafting dangers over that.

steph

allnurses Guide · Aug 2, 2003

Originally posted by 3rdShiftGuy
:rotfl: :rotfl: :rotfl:

Tweety . . . .

steph:chuckle

live4today, RN · Aug 2, 2003

:chuckle Kristi, you crack me up! What a wonderful sense of humor you have. :)

I remember being eleven. Don't remember the dolls since I didn't like them. I burned the only doll I ever was given by a relative when I was nine (I think). She represented something I would never be and my dysfunctional family would never represent, so she had to go. :rolleyes: May she continue to rest in peace in "doll heaven".

DEB....The male contraceptive perspective was not to include kids, teens, or adults acting like kids and teens. Each parent must decide how to teach and be examples for their own children when it comes to things such as reproduction and other moral and ethical issues in life. My thoughts on the male contraceptive are directed specifically to those of us who "get it".....LITERALLY "GET IT"!...if ya know what I mean. I do NOT advocate for women or men to trust each other with "birth control". NEITHER male or female should trust their "parenting future" to one another solely! :nono:

I've seen farrrrrrrrrrrrrrr too many sad sad cases of one party or the other being unfairly treated over "their baby's daddy" or "their baby's mommy". No male or female should CHOOSE to cast their "seed" to the wind and let it fall where it may, then NOT be thrilled with the results, or end up fighting over the "baby" no one thought about before the act ever took place!

For those who can "hear" the message, practice it! For those who cannot.........may God block your seed from ever being fertile! NO CHILD deserves to have a parent making careless decisions in regards to their life!

THINK MEN AND WOMEN....BEFORE THE SEED IS PLANTED...LESS YOU END UP WITH WHAT IS KNOWN "AFTER THE SEED"....A PRECIOUS BABY you won't know how to appreciate and not drag in the middle of your "broken relationships".

For those who are still choosing to THROW CAUTION TO THE WIND....that "wind" often has a way of pulling a "Mother Nature" on ya.

MEN who took the time to comment here.....thanks for your perspective which is what I was hoping to really see more of here because many women do not know what your perspectives are when it comes to such a "tender issue" as parenting, and where you stand on the male pill/shot.

It seems....so far anyway....the men who have responded are ALL FOR THE MALE CONTRACEPTIVE! Thumbs up to you all for being so wise! Perhaps when you all start taking your "birth control", less court cases regarding "he's my baby's daddy and I want him to pay up" will go away. I feel for many of you who are caught in this situation, but you ask for it when you don't put on the raincoat and take your pill, dudes. STOP leaving the decision up to the women you bed. HALT those "testosterones" long enough to say "I've taken my pill, have you?" and "I brought my condom, did you?" MEN........there are some women you can trust, and MANY women you can NOT trust. Learn self-control and discipline in this area of life, and stop casting your "seed" to the wind. Getting someone pregnant.........and women....getting pregnant..........is NOT like playing the lottery........if it happens think about what you'll do when you "win" kind of thing, or what you'll do when someone takes advantage of you for NOT thinking before you let them have a part of you inside of them.

I'm advocating for the unborn, the babies and the children who are caught between two consenting adults who were just out to have a good time, yet didn't THINK enough of those little eggs and swimming fishes inside of you to realize the damage they could do together that could end up costing you both in more ways than a "roll in the hay".......so to speak!

allnurses Guide · Aug 3, 2003

Did you happen to write this?

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Sperm donor or the father?

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Posted: August 1, 2003

1:00 a.m. Eastern

I had a bit of an argument with a caller. The tussle was over whether or not he could or should legitimately call himself the "father" of a 1-year-old child conceived on a drunken, one-night stand, and whom he hasn't seen since she was 2-months old.

But first, let me tell you something about me and my radio program. I have never looked at my radio work as entertainment. In fact, I get very aggravated when some critic dismisses their own negative reaction to my point of view by stating that, "after all, I shouldn't get so worked up, it's only entertainment." I have no "schtick," only a serious desire to help people "do the right thing." Notice that I didn't say, "feel better." It's not a touchy-feely experience. I try to deal in truths and values about life, love, death, responsibilities, character, religion and general, everyday behavior.

I hate when I find myself fighting with someone who calls my radio program for help. I hate it because, from my therapeutic point of view, I'm failing to get by their defenses in order to have them embrace what I believe they need to accept in order to improve their inner (psyche) or outer (relationships) situations. I hate it because I really don't like to fight - probably why I don't accept invitations to debate. I hate it because I don't like sounding "mean."

Nonetheless, sometimes you have to fight to save someone or to save a principle. This particular fight with the caller falls into the "principle" category.

His question to me was, "How can I regain a bonded relationship with my daughter. She is 1-year old and I haven't seen her since she was 2-months old."

I first suggested that he marry the mother. That's when I found out it was a one-night stand.

"And why didn't you use a condom? Weren't you concerned about getting a disease or getting her pregnant?"

"I was drunk."

Now, at this point, I am contemplating the creation of a new human life, dependent and innocent, by a drunken, anonymous act of sexual intercourse - and I'm feeling sad and angry on behalf of the child.

"Well," I tried again, "the next step is to get along with the mother."

That's when I found out that she doesn't want to have much to do with him - even for the sake of her child. I'm feeling sad and angry on behalf of the child - again.

Here's where the fight started. I told him that my dream was that this woman - the mother of this innocent little child - would quickly meet someone wonderful and kind, whom she loved very much and that they would marry and create an intact home with a loving mommy and a daddy. The last part of the dream was that my caller would be totally out of the picture.

Admirably, he objected. "But I'm the daddy," he protested. "No," I countered, "you are the sperm donor. You didn't create a safe nest for this child by deliberately courting and marrying the woman to be your wife and the mother of your children. You are only a sperm donor. And my wish is that she creates what is in the best interest of that child, a committed (married) mom and dad home."

His dream was to have joint physical custody. "What?" I went on, "take this innocent little girl out of her home away from her mother so you can benefit from her? While I admire your interest, it results in hurting a child."

Since when is it in the best interest of children to be in and out of their own home fulfilling the desires of adults who couldn't or wouldn't keep the children's lives intact?

Why do adults not understand that having parents split, living separate lives usually far away, even raising other children both bio- and step-, is damaging and devastating to children who "get to visit"?

The pain I hear from children who feel abandoned - and therefore insignificant - has deeply hurt my heart.

So here was the dilemma: A young man obviously regretful that he created his first child on a drunken, one-night stand, and who wants to do the right thing and be involved with his child hears from Dr. Laura that his child would be better off without his intrusion if the mother created a warm, loving family with some man she actually wanted to marry and who loved this kid up and down.

Imagine how he felt! Imagine how I felt having to say that. Imagine how it will be for that child if the mother is the kind of flake who repeatedly has drunken sexual encounters. Imagine how that child's life will be without that willing father.

He yelled, "It's not my fault."

I yelled back, "Yes, it is. You had anonymous sex and created the situation. You did that - and the child pays the price."

I don't remember if I said my usual, "Thank you for your call." I hate fighting with a caller - but, I hate what adults do to innocent children even more.

:kiss steph

live4today, RN · Aug 3, 2003

No dear, I did NOT write that article, nor did I ever see it. Thanks for posting it though because I couldn't agree more with what it says. And um.......thanks for thinking I could be so gifted as to write such a wonderful article. I do write, but haven't tapped a typewriter key since November. Work pretty much kills the mood of me writing like I used to due to all that frikkin paperwork on the job. :rolleyes:

I just feel very strongly about adults who think they are old enough to enjoy the "pleasure" of one another's company without both of them assuming responsiblity for the aftermath of those sessions.

One more thing.........that woman was the "egg donor". Daddy didn't earn the title "sperm donor" by himself ya know. He too had an obviously willing partner.

I do not like to see women continuously fault the male partner for "getting them pregnant". Well excuse me....they got each other preggo, she had just as much to do with it as he did. No one told him to unzip his pants, and no one but her told her to drop hers. No one forced them to be stupid and fall into the passion of a lustful moment just to wake up the next morning with a "hangover" wondering what the heck happened. A missed period later, an "oh my gosh, I can't believe I'm pregnant" comes from her mouth, and then a "What am I going to do now" follows that statement, and a "he's got to pay me child support because I'm not doing this by myself".........a lot of ya'll know the drama here if not from personal experience with your own pregnancies and relationships, then with men and women you know....and many of them in our families nonetheless.

I'm all about the children! They need adults to advocate for them because it is obvious by the number of children in the world hurting from their donors mistakes. When will we as consenting adults wake up and realize that our acts and actions DO hurt more than just the two people having fun with each other.

allnurses Guide · Aug 4, 2003

Cheerfuldoer . . . . I was kidding about the article. It was just so funny after I read your post, I read that article. Both very pro-children and anti-stupid selfishness.

Thanks - I enjoy and agree with your perspective.

steph

SmilingBluEyes · Aug 4, 2003

Sounds like Dr. Laura to me Stevie. Am I right?

teeituptom, BSN, RN · Aug 4, 2003

I dont know how to respond and remain politically correct here, so I guess I will just shut up