in luv at work

Dixen81 · Dec 31, 2003

I'm still a student, but I am 42 years old with some life experiences under my belt. My advice to you would be to get control of your feelings and maybe apologize to this person for spilling them out, assuring him that you will behave in a professional manner from here on out (and then do it). Acting on infactuation is not worth the consequences you would have to pay. Good luck to you.

TraumaNurse · Dec 31, 2003

I agree. Be a professional and act like a professional. You can't change how you feel sometimes but you should be in control of how you act and the things you say. Your job/career at this point should be more important than a fling. Also, after you get off orientation and have proven yourself as a nurse, you will be much less scrutinized at work. If that person has mutual feelings then I do not see anything wrong with a relationship at work. Just remember that if things don't work out, you have to have the maturity to still be able to work next to each other in peace. It can be very risky getting envolved with a coworker. On the other hand, I met my wife at work, we worked together in the same unit for years and never let our relationship interfere with our jobs. Social life stuff should stay at home, and while at work...be a professional. Good luck.

luv2yoga · Dec 31, 2003

PeggySue is 100% right. I've been there, actually had an affair with my boss at work that broke up my marriage. Believe me, it's a long road of pain. Nothing is worth it. Find some other outlet for your feelings - talk to a close friend or a therapist or get intensely involved in a hobby (yoga?). This can only lead to problems if you don't cool it now.

The other thing is that you will have to really work at hiding your feelings at work. Most/all of the people I worked with figured it out in spite of my desire to keep it quiet. You will have to really work hard at this, but it will pay off in no whispers behind your back. And resentment, that's a big part of it too. Your co-workers will NOT think this is cool (note to self: do not confide in ANY of them, even if you totally trust them). Yes, learned that the hard way.

JMHO (but experienced, I must add)

SpnshEyes1975 · Dec 31, 2003

Very scary situation.. As an adult, though we can chose how we act upon our feelings, although we can't always control our feelings. When it involves someone at work, it is alway tough. Just have to try your best to seperate your personal and professional parts of your relationship with this person. I met my boyfriend at work.. he worked security and I worked in the ER, but before our relationship got real serious, he went to another job. It was pretty easy then because we were still in the beginning stages to keep our relationship on the down low, but I don't know how I would handle it now if he still worked there. It would be rough. Just keep your chin up, make time for him outsite of work, and keep your time at work on a professional level.

:-) Rachael

911fltrn · Dec 31, 2003

Faith, Hope and Love! Such wonderful things! Have a sit down with the other person and see if they want to explore these feelings! If they do Great! If they dont move on! Hopefully the chat would clear the air either way! Good Luck! God Bless!:kiss

nowplayingEDRN · Jan 1, 2004

I agree, as the new kid on the block (so to speak) you are going to feel like you are under the microscope until you are off orientation/probation and you have proven your self. But I also agree......you must get a grip on your feelings. Although, as some have demonstrated here that it is possible to work with a significant other, more often than not something happens and then working conditions become almost intolerable....plus the whispers of co-workers.....makes it tough.....I am a firm believer in never crapping where you eat. I would suggest that you try and sit down in private and apologize for saying something that might have made the other person uncomfortable and assure them that you intend on behaing and acting in the utmost professional manner and that if at some point later on they might be interested in something more to please let you know. Then do just as you said...be professional and find an outlet outside your job for your feelings. And as Meredith said.....DONOT confide in a co-worker.........no matter how close they say they are and how many promises they make....all hospitals usually know everything about the other person and vice versa.........that is more than likely going to come back and bite you in the butt......seek outside counseling or a confidant outside of work and talk...it will help you get a grip on your feelings for this person......JMHO, as well.....I wish you all the luck in the world.

sjoe · Jan 1, 2004

Originally posted by peggysue
I'm still a student, but I am 42 years old with some life experiences under my belt. My advice to you would be to get control of your feelings and maybe apologize to this person for spilling them out, assuring him that you will behave in a professional manner from here on out (and then do it). Acting on infactuation is not worth the consequences you would have to pay. Good luck to you.

Right. Good advice.

And tort, you might also find it useful to rephrase this following, quoted part of your post in your own mind, to put it into the active, rather than the passive, voice. To take complete responsibility for all these consequences of the choices you made--as the ACTOR, not as the victim. Things are easier to deal with when you recognize that they are in your control and are the results of your own acts, intended or not. IMHO:

"I don't know what I said actually, but all sorts of things just bubbled out of my mouth in this charged situation, and I said too much. Now this person acts very, very differently towards me. I feel backed in a corner--because I just don't need all that right now! I just don't need daytime soaps at work, I don't need gossip, I don't need to screw up, and I don't need the distraction, and I need to protect my job. But these feeeeeeeeelings. Geez!"

ktwlpn, LPN · Jan 1, 2004

Originally posted by tortisshellcat
I am already in luv with my preceptor. I really tried to keep my act together, not say anything and tried to be The Professional Nurse. ..................... I just don't need daytime soaps at work, I don't need gossip, I don't need to screw up, and I don't need the distraction, and I need to protect my job. But these feeeeeeeeelings. Geez!:

Well IMHO you did not try hard enough---you say you don't need daytime soaps at work yet you sound like the main charactor "I am IN LOVE with my preceptor" Get a grip-you got a little crush on a co-worker....it will wear off-don't romanticize it into some big Romeo and Juliet thing....

Tweety, BSN, RN · Jan 1, 2004

Originally posted by ktwlpn
Well IMHO you did not try hard enough---you say you don't need daytime soaps at work yet you sound like the main charactor "I am IN LOVE with my preceptor" Get a grip-you got a little crush on a co-worker....it will wear off-don't romanticize it into some big Romeo and Juliet thing....

ktwlpn, you sound like an old hag. LOL (I mean that lovingly)

I usually think you are right on the money about most things but to totally invalidate this persons feelings like that isn't fair. Yes it isn't true love made in heaven and is a crush.

I do agree he/she need to put those feelings aside and get a grip and move on. Or even ask for a new preceptor, work different days etc. if it interferes with concentrating on work. Errors could be made.

I've had devastating, obessive crushes before. By obessive, I mean the kind of crushes where I was totally completely in love and couldn't get the person out of my mind. Did they pass, yes. Did I get over it yes. Of course being 45 it's been a while. :)

Maybe you can turn on and off your feelings like that. But to invalidate the op isn't appropriate.

ktwlpn, LPN · Jan 1, 2004

Originally posted by 3rdShiftGuy
ktwlpn, you sound like an old hag. LOL (I mean that lovingly)
I usually think you are right on the money about most things but to totally invalidate this persons feelings like that isn't fair. Yes it isn't true love made in heaven and is a crush.

I.

OK-tweety,I am an old hag.I admit it...I stand by my post though-how many times have you seen units disrupted by a co-worker's love life? I just don't think there is a place for that kind of behavior in nursing.We try so hard to be professional around docs and patients and work hard to be respected and then an episode like this gains the attention of the unit....Sorry-I just have no time for it-IMHO it's immature and attention seeking.Sorry for invalidating this posters feelings-I think they should go back to work with the attitude that they are all business..as a new nurse in a critical care area this person has a HUGE responsibilty and needs to put their distractions aside...

Tweety, BSN, RN · Jan 2, 2004

"Sorry-I just have no time for it-IMHO it's immature and attention seeking." I respectfully disagree. You can't help falling in love. I had a huge crush about 10 years ago on someone who was a friend, and only a friend. It was hard being a friend when his eyes made me melt with desire...opps...I digress. :) I've had people fall in love with me that I wasn't interested in. Immaturity and attention seeking has nothing to do with it.

"I think they should go back to work with the attitude that they are all business..as a new nurse in a critical care area this person has a HUGE responsibilty and needs to put their distractions aside..."

This I agree with. You have to control your behavior. However one can not turn off the feelings, just put them aside and concentrate on work and be professional.