Boarding - two 16yr old girls going to Paris in a party via train with 18 boys. Usual result is 16 disappointed boys, and two distraught girls.
Girl A is going out with Boy A who is celebrating his 18th. Girl B is best friend of Girl A, and this will be her first trip away.
My role - nurse, but also parent in 'loco-parentis'
I know students very well. I know the hurt that often happens on trip. I know parents usually have no idea what goes on during such trips. These trips happen every year, and I'm left to pick up the pieces, whether it be intoxicated/drugged kid in ICU, head injury, or some other nasty surprise.
I call parents of girl A to make sure they are aware daughter is with 18 boys. Rationale, I'm a parent and I know my father would never have let my sister go on such a trip. Also figuring out my role as i'm considered a nurse and a parent.
What do I do, - I call father of girl A who gets angry, tells me off, says he trusts his daughter. Due to the angry reaction, I don't call the parents of Girl B
Result - girl B and girl A are in my office on monday morning, trying to figure out if girl B has been raped.
Boyfriend of girl A had a best friend who booked a room in hotel forhimself as well as girl B, and girl B felt she had to share a room/bed with him because she had left the booking up to the boys, and along with alcohol, eventually consented, but now not so sure.
It's not always easy figuring out what the best thing too do.
If these trips routinely end with kids getting raped and/or ICU stays, I'd be looking for a new job. It sounds like neither the parents or the school cares about these kids. I get that you want to help them, but when it comes down to it, you're "just" the nurse, not their dad. I'm actually very surprised that there hasn't been police action taken.
If these trips routinely end with kids getting raped and/or ICU stays, I'd be looking for a new job. It sounds like neither the parents or the school cares about these kids. I get that you want to help them, but when it comes down to it, you're "just" the nurse, not their dad. I'm actually very surprised that there hasn't been police action taken.
This is the sad truth of it. As much as I don't want to judge parents for turning to boarding schools, it makes me wonder if they recognize and remember the fragility of the high school years accurately. If they've been absent in the development of these children as young as 5 years old, they may not be paying attention enough to realize they need to be more active in their kids' lives.
Specializes in M/S, LTC, Corrections, PDN & drug rehab.
Wow. Wow. Wowwie. Why do all your posts revolve around sex? Well I didn't read the pot one... But seriously? This is too much. I.Just.Can't. This is too much. Wow.
Wow. Wow. Wowwie. Why do all your posts revolve around sex? Well I didn't read the pot one... But seriously? This is too much. I.Just.Can't. This is too much. Wow.
Actually, the point of this post was not about sex (but if you see it about sex, that's fine) but about trying to figure out the right thing and figuring out my role as a nurse, and a parent in 'loco-parentis'
Wow. Wow. Wowwie. Why do all your posts revolve around sex? Well I didn't read the pot one... But seriously? This is too much. I.Just.Can't. This is too much. Wow.
If you read more of the thread, you'll see there was more to it than sex and the OP sucks at writing what he means to say. Yes, sex is one issue, but the overall problem is the high risk behaviors these teens are engaging in while they are signed out on leave by their parents at OP's employer (boarding school). The kids are continually getting hurt in serious ways, and as the nurse, it keeps getting tossed on OP's lap to help. OP has boundary issues, but has been talking through ways to maybe turn the situation around.
Specializes in M/S, LTC, Corrections, PDN & drug rehab.
If you read more of the thread, you'll see there was more to it than sex and the OP sucks at writing what he means to say. Yes, sex is one issue, but the overall problem is the high risk behaviors these teens are engaging in while they are signed out on leave by their parents at OP's employer (boarding school). The kids are continually getting hurt in serious ways, and as the nurse, it keeps getting tossed on OP's lap to help. OP has boundary issues, but has been talking through ways to maybe turn the situation around.
That about cover it, OP?
But three different posts with underlying sex-tones right out the gate. Just makes my head spin. I walked in the the pot thread then just walked back out.
Specializes in M/S, LTC, Corrections, PDN & drug rehab.
Actually, the point of this post was not about sex (but if you see it about sex, that's fine) but about trying to figure out the right thing and figuring out my role as a nurse, and a parent in 'loco-parentis'
Then why do you mention sex so much? Why is it that big of a deal to you? Three posts in & you're 3/4...
If a 16 year old experienced a drug/alcohol/sex incident that required admission to ICU, it is the parents role, not the school nurse's, to come to the hospital and see that their child is safe and help their child recover. If the parents are as wealthy as you say, they have the financial means to hire a private plane to fly anywhere in the world on short notice. I would be firm on making a rule that it is in the best interest of the teen's mental health for their parents to provide support when they are vulnerable.
I would also find out what type of mental health education exists in the school and work with the teachers and principal to expand it. The more the teens understand about healthy choices when it comes to sex, drugs and partying the more resilient they can become.
OK, I'll bite. I have friends who were raised in European boarding schools and have/had very wealthy parents. For the most part these kids really are dropped off in boarding schools and basically forgotten about by their parents until they turn 18 or land up in a mess.
Basically, they've been raised with the mentality that the family has enough money to get them out of trouble when trouble happens.
Think Eurotrash and it about sums it up.
The school is the parent until the feces hits the fan. Then Mummy and Daddy and the family law firm descends.
Now OP, unless you were physically on the trip, you are not responsible for what happens. Your job is to contact law enforcement if you suspect a sexual assault. Provide sex ed and other health related topics as part of your job.
You are not a parent to these entitled sprogs.
Oh, and as I was reading this thread I texted one of my friends who was raised in this lifestyle. She can't remember a school nurse or if there was one. She just remember her dorm matron.
Now, males can be victims. But in 10yrs of doing this job, it's always the girls that I've seen hurt.
This is where our experiences differ. I'm surprised that you say that it's always the girls getting hurt. The head injuries and ICU stays that you mentioned, were they really all girls?
You see, it's been my experience that teenage boys/young men often get in trouble when using alcohol and drugs liberally. Drunk driving, accidents like for example diving into unknown (shallow) waters and ending up quadriplegics, being the victims or perpetrators of assaults and more. When you have a gang of drunken idiots assaulting, kicking and stomping on a lone victim, the victim is male almost 100% of the time.
I'm not downplaying the trauma of sexual assault/rape but I think that you're wrong in focusing solely on the risks for girls. Frankly, these trips sound like trouble all around. (These teenagers would likely have benefited from having parents who took and actual interest in them, instead of just sending monthly spending money/ allowance for hotels and nightclubs). Something else for you to ponder, are you confident that a male teen would confide in you if he'd been sexually assaulted? In my experience male victims are for many reasons reluctant to file charges or seek help.
In your previous response to me you seemed shocked that any person could really consider it acceptable that a sixteen-year-old girl would be allowed to go to a party with a big group of boys. I'm actually surprised at your (moral?) outrage. It all depends on the circumstances and the individuals involved.
the boys aren't bad
The thing is, boys+alcohol are a risky combination
you combine alcohol, hormones, and no adults to provide supervision, and it's guaranteed to have casualties - and not because anyone is bad, but because they're kids playing at being adults.
What's this, some version of "boys will be boys"? Sexual assault or rape isn't "kids playing at being adults" (unless they're emulating some rather warped/deviant adults) and kids brought up to respect other human beings, including the female half of the species, don't turn into rapists because they drink alcohol. Yes, alcohol will lower an individual's inhibitions, but most males won't rape (drunk or sober).
nursingaround1
247 Posts
Might already have been done, but maybe my humor/style/angle aren't for the American market