Hello all! First post! I am starting NS in the Fall of this year. I'm pretty excited and nervous at the same time.
My fiance and I have a pretty good relationship except when it comes to chores. I was unable to find a job this summer (even retail didn't want me) so I am currently acting as a temporary house wife [keeping the place clean, meals made, errands ran] until NS starts. He works 40+ hours a week at a stressful job so we both agree that this is a good trade off for now. His income is more than enough to sustain us and we have no kids.
I know that he does kind of resent me a bit. He doesn't believe that I even tried to look for a job and that I do "nothing" most of the day which isn't true. Like I said, we have a good relationship but he does get cranky about that every once in a while. However, I know it's because he stressed out at work and I'm not so stressed at the moment since it's summer break. It's not fair to him.
Main point of the post:
I was wondering if there is any literature (books, articles, etc...) that are meant for the spouses of nursing students? Something to put it in perspective for him? He's never seen anyone personally experience nursing school. He seems to think that it will be a walk in the park for me. He also thinks that he won't have to help out because I should be able to do everything while in school. Yet he can work his 8 hour day, come home and start playing video games. I'm one of those people that will need to study A LOT. I'm just getting frustrated trying to explain to him how busy I'll be. I guess it's hard for him to see because I'm taking the advice of relaxing the summer before NS. [i see that advice over and over again on these boards!]
Before anyone gets on my case about how easy I'll have it since I won't have to work (though I would be if my fiance had his way!), I have an OCD issue when it comes to keeping my apartment very clean and he has trouble even throwing out his paper plates when he's done eating. I essentially follow him around with a dust pan and broom. A clean apartment = a happy and peaceful me.
Thanks in advance for any literature recommendations.
I feel very lucky to have a boyfriend who not only understands the stress of nursing school (his uncle just graduated) but is a cleaner clean-freak than I am. He plays video games and all of that but the house has to be clean before he can settle down to do anything. Of top of that, he cooks if I don't. The only drawback is that he can't find a well-enough paying job to cover us both while I am in school (we both just graduated with bachelors degrees last year). I guess you can't have everything in life, right? [/quote']
Good luck with everything! To me, nothing is sexier than a man who can cook!
How nice would it be if there were something for spouses to help them understand what nursing students go through. After all, there are books that help men understand pregnant women.
He is still not really understanding the whole process here. I've sat him down and explained it. I showed him my schedule which is pretty much 8-5pm everyday (except for Friday) and all he can say is that it's "a baby schedule". That doesn't even include study or reading time.
At this point, I know that I have to learn to let things go as far as cleaning goes. I usually like to keep up with it a little every day and do the major cleaning (dusting, vacuuming) on Fridays. I can still have my cleaning day be Friday however, it will be a week's worth of a mess and not something I've kept up with. I know that I'm not going to get any help with the chores. I'm not even going to start those battles, it's not worth it. I know we are going to fight, he can stand a little bit of uncleanliness, however, I know that once the dishes pile up or he has no pants to wear to work he is going to start complaining.
I can't change him at this point. His mother was one of those that did EVERYTHING for him. And when I met him his apartment was disgusting. He never cleaned it and only washed the dishes that he going to use at that moment. (He even took his laundry back home to mom who would gladly do it for him. UGH). I grew up in a household where I was treated like Cinderella (no joke), I was always cleaning up after me and my brothers.
So yeah. I'm going to settle my OCD self down and let the apartment go every once in a while and hope that the fiance picks up on my stress levels and decides to help out. He does have a good heart, he's just a little dense sometimes.
If I hear "But I work all day, I'm tired. What did you do?" one more time. I'm going to lose it. I seriously am.
Bummer. I'm sorry to hear this. I feel lucky with my husband as he helps me big-time around the house. He can't stand even one dish in the sink, but on the otherhand doesn't seem to notice (or care) when the toilet is filthy. I'll take what I can get!
I know you said you sat him down to discuss this, but have you put it in a way to help him to understand exactly how much additional stress this is putting on you? Maybe if he realizes that his behavior or lack of concern is actually hurting you and your well being, then maybe he'll start pulling more of his weight around the house. If that still doesn't get through to him, when he has no clean underwear to put on and then tells you about it, then I guess you can shrug your shoulders and say "told ya so!"
I know you said you sat him down to discuss this, but have you put it in a way to help him to understand exactly how much additional stress this is putting on you? Maybe if he realizes that his behavior or lack of concern is actually hurting you and your well being, then maybe he'll start pulling more of his weight around the house. If that still doesn't get through to him, when he has no clean underwear to put on and then tells you about it, then I guess you can shrug your shoulders and say "told ya so!"
I actually have a "I told ya so" dance that I perform quite regularly.
He'll learn real quick starting Monday when classes start I think. We're going to have one last talk this weekend. We need to get some things straightened out before nursing school stress makes everything worse. I know he's a little resentful because I'm not pulling in any income and I won't be for a while. I have to convince him to look at the big picture and think of the future when I become an RN.
I made my husband go to my orientation with me. I knew he would think I was making a mountain out of a molehill if I tried to describe it to him. He is always supportive about something until I do it, then he acts like it was all my idea and I just did it without talking him etc. At our orientation, the second year students came and brought their support persons and those support people described what it was like for their spouse or girlfriend/boyfriend to go through that first year of nursing school. I think it hit closer to home when he listened to those other people describe how crazy it was for them.
Kay, I wish my school would something like that! I am having simlilar situation with the husband / 4 kids thing. Hubby has no clue and has not chipped in one bit while I take my pre-rqs. I dont work, but I figure that the kitchen duty alone is 14 -18 hours of work a week.
What is up with these unhelpful, unappreciative men? For some reason marraige = gaining a personal slave to most men.
What is up with these unhelpful, unappreciative men? For some reason marraige = gaining a personal slave to most men.
I don't get it either. :/ I have no problem taking care of the household when I couldn't find a job. Nursing school is like a full time job but because I'm not bringing home any income, I still have to clean and such.
Dont fall for that logic. Whether you are making no income or .50 an hour less he will always use that as an excuse to dump the chores on you. ( I make more, so I dont have to wash dishes! BS)
Dont fall for that logic. Whether you are making no income or .50 an hour less he will always use that as an excuse to dump the chores on you. ( I make more, so I dont have to wash dishes! BS)
Believe me, it's much easier than arguing with him. He's never had to do chores, ever. I'm glad that we're not planning on having any kids. It's much easier to clean up after us and two cats. I have a system. I can handle it. :)
Believe me, it's much easier than arguing with him. He's never had to do chores, ever. I'm glad that we're not planning on having any kids. It's much easier to clean up after us and two cats. I have a system. I can handle it. :)
That's why you'll continue to do the chores, not because you're not brining in less money.....because you decided it's easier to do it yourself than to expect him to do his part. Nothing will change on the home-front until you decide that it isn't working for you anymore.
I wish you the best for school, strap in.....it's a crazy ride!!!!
I'm one of those people that will need to study A LOT. I'm just getting frustrated trying to explain to him how busy I'll be. I guess it's hard for him to see because I'm taking the advice of relaxing the summer before NS. [i see that advice over and over again on these boards!]
krazykchan
34 Posts