I swear they're going to make my days til I can get out of there, absolutely miserable.
I'm desperate for help. I just got assigned to one of our toughest residents. He's disliked by all b/c he can act so rude and plain nasty if things aren't exactly right. He's ex-army/priest. When you go to his room you must knock, wait for him to answer to come in, make sure you shut the door quietly and then proceed. He will then ask why you are there. Then you must wait for the all clear to begin giving his meds. The water must be the exact temperature he likes, the meds must be one at a time on the spoon, capsules must be facing him vertically on the center of the spoon. He then weaves his head to the left and will complain that you can't put it in his mouth straight.
Okay, that's the background. If he likes you and/or is in a decent mood. He will go into stories. Usually they are puffed up versions of what he knows and has been exposed to. Where the Catholic faith is heading...things like that. I don't have the time. Tonight was short, I remained standing even though he preferred me to sit, he kept me 5 extra minutes than need be. I have other time consuming residents. Doesn't sound like much but some days he has kept nurses for 40 minutes with a story. I want to nip it before it goes that far. It's easier to shut someone down early than it is to let them keep going.
Besides the time factor, I seriously dislike him. No onellikes him. He treats the aides like garbage. I don't like the self important way that he handles himself. It seriously grates on my last nerve. I thought of just saying that I have other meds to pass I've got to go. But that won't fly w/him. He will say he pays x thousands of dollars and he deserves blah blah. I'm thinking of having my aide knock on the door if I'm longer than 5 minutes, but I can't always rely they will be there.
The only other thing I can think of, is to say I have something in the microwave that's got to get to another resident, or ice cream that needs to be given to a resident but I don't know. Any other suggestions to get out of there fast?
After you give meds, ask if there is anything else he needs then say "I will be back later if you need anything." He is a control freak and incredibly lonely, its sad but he cannot monopolize your time.
Thank you for all the thoughtful responses. No, he's not the only reason I'm wanting to leave. LTC is just not for me. I'm being pushed to a breaking point and this is just one fraction of it, but it would alleviate some of the tension if I could handle this.
I think you're all right if I have someone knock, or blame a phone call...he will get wise to it.
That's why I thought of saying I need to give another med w/ice cream or something that has a time frame. Maybe if I look at my watch and time 5 minutes from that stating I need to be somewhere else.
Stopping by to check on him later isn't an option. His room is set up to be unapproachable. It's a wonder we don't have to have an appointment! Like I mentioned, when you knock you must wait until he says "come in". It may be immediately following the knock, it may be several minutes after. Once, the nurse just walked in after the cordial knock and he was on the phone. He blew a fuse. He conducts his room like a mini office. He hands out pamphlets if your'e deemed worthy. He speaks like a military general, it's rather off putting. He only expects to see the nurse 2x per night but during the visit he will try to engage.
He has a blanket on the bed that has fringe. The fringe must be a certain centimeter length from the edge, plus combed straight or he goes nuts.
I can understand if he was just lonely and would speak in a civilized manner. He's extremely condescending. When I say he grates on my last nerve, it's pretty hard to do that to me. I'm fairly tolerant of some bizarre behavior, some of the other residents I've encountered have tested my limits too but I could always manage to shake it off and move on...stressful but tolerable.
But I honestly don't think it's asking too much to ask to be spared being talked down to and I should do this or that on my personal time. (ex start listening to a certain radio station) I've made a pact with myself a long time ago, I don't subject myself to toxic people. Once in awhile I could handle him when filling in. Now that he's a permenant fixture that I must deal with every work day...not so much.
During my clinicals I have had amazing patients they were lovely, smart,had good sense of humor and many stories to tell. I do not get annoyed easily, I can spend time listening to all my patients talk but I find it so hard to manage time and it was hard for me to finish my assignments completely. I tried to make up a lie so I could leave the room but I couldn't do it because it did not feel right, I did not want the patient to think I was rude and did not want to be there for them. My clinical instructor always tells me "oh you worry too much"
I also had a priest once. When I think of a priest I think of someone who is respectful and not rude, I did not know they could be rude and want everything to be perfect. I found it funny when you said that he complained because the capsule was not straight in his mouth, it's not like the nurse is in control of his mouth.
instead of getting so angry with this gentleman, try to imagine just how much his life has changed when he came into your ltc and how very much he has given up. neither of those things gives him the right to be rude or even uncooperative with staff, but sometimes, if i can figure out why someone is being a pot,
it makes it easier to cope with them.
here's another thought. my husband was diagnosed with ocd, which can make life more challanging sometimes. he says there are some things has a good bit of control over, some he feells he can control
with a good deal of effort, and a few things he has to really work at and still not always be able to handle. sounds like your retired priest, doesn't it?
might be worth looking into with a psych consult. also, before he retired, he undoubtedly had planned to live as most retired priests do, either in a retirement home for retired priests or with family. having to be this dependent on others, never entered his mind. how about finding him some priests -- young or old -- to visit and "shoptalk" occasionally?
don't let him bug you so. don't let any patient get you that much.
I did that the first time I had to deal with him a few mos ago. (saved for last) b/c I knew his rep. but didn't know there were time constraints on his end.
I walked in as he had his tray. (nothing in his meds would contraindicate bef or after a meal) He went OFF on me. Threw his plastic utensils. Shoved the tray table, reamed me out on and on. I apologized profusely stating why it happened, it won't happen again, I didn't know....etc.... Didn't matter one bit. Told me I was the worst nurse ever. He hopes to never see me again...on and on.
He has driven many nurses to tears over various tx. I came close to tears when I left, b/c I couldn't believe someone could not accept a heartfelt apology or understand a mistake. The only thing that saved me from tears is I thought what a *blank* he is! He'll have to answer for his actions one day not me and that someone like that is not worth getting upset over. But he still causes a whole lotta stress!
Anyway, he doesn't remember me from mos ago. It would be pointless to bring it up. The other nurses said that's the only way to get away from the stories is to tick him off so he doesn't want to talk to you. Not an option for me so there's got to be another way.
Does your facility have a chaplain that visits regularly? Would he give permission to have a local priest and/or representative from the local VFW visit? Perhaps a volunteer from the local Catholic church, a Stephens Ministry volunteer, or just a general volunteer?
Oh and he eats in his room b/c his choice. He refuses the dining room. I'm sure that's beneath him too.
Some every day people don't like the dining room b/c it depresses them to see all the feeds. (our transient folks that are there for rehab) Other times they'll warm up to it once they give it a chance and keep going.
Like, I'm sure you guys grasp now, this guy is beyond unusual and mean. I'm not kidding when I say I can't handle him, he's a rough one. And I'm used to smoothing ruffled feathers. Customer service was a huge part of my previous job in travel. I know how to handle rough people usually, he's the only one that has me baffled so far. I dealt with a military nursing instructor in school just fine, when others butted heads w/her constantly, I knew what she expected and I delivered. Course it helped that I only had to see her for 2 days a week and only 10 weeks at a stretch ...but I had her 2 semesters That was my luck!
Oh and he eats in his room b/c his choice. He refuses the dining room. I'm sure that's beneath him too.
Some every day people don't like the dining room b/c it depresses them to see all the feeds. (our transient folks that are there for rehab) Other times they'll warm up to it once they give it a chance and keep going.
I can see how that would be possible. One of the local nursing homes breaks their meals up. All the "feeders" go together and all the self feeds go together. I think it works out pretty good.
I work in assisted living and we have a "problem" resident. Not nearly as exasperating as yours but with ours, its all about her. She will drink all the coffee without letting everyone get some, she demands extra food at meals then doesn't eat it. She has a long hx of anorexia and likes to make snide comments about what other residents are eating or their eating habits. She is rude to the other residents. She expects us to drop everything and do whatever she needs done, regardless of what anyone else needs. So irritating.
I can see how that would be possible. One of the local nursing homes breaks their meals up. All the "feeders" go together and all the self feeds go together. I think it works out pretty good.
I work in assisted living and we have a "problem" resident. Not nearly as exasperating as yours but with ours, its all about her. She will drink all the coffee without letting everyone get some, she demands extra food at meals then doesn't eat it. She has a long hx of anorexia and likes to make snide comments about what other residents are eating or their eating habits. She is rude to the other residents. She expects us to drop everything and do whatever she needs done, regardless of what anyone else needs. So irritating.
Ha she sounds like the one we inherited back after her rehab stay and she got sent to our assisted living facility and couldn't behave there (was wandering off the property and bothering the construction workers!) We got her back. Now it's all maid stuff and get her coffee, make her tea, what snacks can she have?, this food is crap, she's not eating that, call down for a piece of pie....plus she won't listen to us that she can't leave the unit....she laughs at us as she gets on the elevator threaten with a cane. Goes through our trash at night to retrieve used styrofoam cups....I hear you on the exasperating. And I'm sure like you, it's just a snapshot of a few let alone the other totally bizarre behaviors....but this priest? nope....not catering to him by staying at his command.
I can see how that would be possible. One of the local nursing homes breaks their meals up. All the "feeders" go together and all the self feeds go together. I think it works out pretty good.
I work in assisted living and we have a "problem" resident. Not nearly as exasperating as yours but with ours, its all about her. She will drink all the coffee without letting everyone get some, she demands extra food at meals then doesn't eat it. She has a long hx of anorexia and likes to make snide comments about what other residents are eating or their eating habits. She is rude to the other residents. She expects us to drop everything and do whatever she needs done, regardless of what anyone else needs. So irritating.
Whoops, forget to comment on....That'd be great if we could organize our dinners like that. Won't happen. As it is, the kitchen screws up our trays nightly dinner sometimes is still going on past 630p! They're still cleaning up at 7 and activities will usually start then. It's a chaotic mess most nights. Usually it's tolerable and I can handle it til something better suited to me opens up. Right now, I'm at the edge with the latest changes and this priest is only part of it, but still.
Ha she sounds like the one we inherited back after her rehab stay and she got sent to our assisted living facility and couldn't behave there (was wandering off the property and bothering the construction workers!) We got her back. Now it's all maid stuff and get her coffee, make her tea, what snacks can she have?, this food is crap, she's not eating that, call down for a piece of pie....plus she won't listen to us that she can't leave the unit....she laughs at us as she gets on the elevator threaten with a cane. Goes through our trash at night to retrieve used styrofoam cups....I hear you on the exasperating. And I'm sure like you, it's just a snapshot of a few let alone the other totally bizarre behaviors....but this priest? nope....not catering to him by staying at his command.
Wow, are you sure we're not working at the same place? Hehehe! Yep, this one sits at the table and says things like "What is this S&%T? Looks like someone puked in my plate. Geez, this is nasty. ETC ETC ETC" Our administrator finally told her that if she keeps carrying on, she'll have to eat in her room. All the other residents fix their own coffee (the ones that are able) but she sits on her behind making demands.
This one has been in EVERY facility in the tri county area and we got stuck with her!
.thumb.jpg.6eeb2c01c27cfd151d706238b7f6d6b7.jpg){kind=small}
...but I had her 2 semesters 
That was my luck!.thumb.gif.557c5203bd6f06724ecab47703960500.gif){kind=small}
aileenve, ASN, RN
169 Posts
After you give meds, ask if there is anything else he needs then say "I will be back later if you need anything." He is a control freak and incredibly lonely, its sad but he cannot monopolize your time.