I swear they're going to make my days til I can get out of there, absolutely miserable.
I'm desperate for help. I just got assigned to one of our toughest residents. He's disliked by all b/c he can act so rude and plain nasty if things aren't exactly right. He's ex-army/priest. When you go to his room you must knock, wait for him to answer to come in, make sure you shut the door quietly and then proceed. He will then ask why you are there. Then you must wait for the all clear to begin giving his meds. The water must be the exact temperature he likes, the meds must be one at a time on the spoon, capsules must be facing him vertically on the center of the spoon. He then weaves his head to the left and will complain that you can't put it in his mouth straight.
Okay, that's the background. If he likes you and/or is in a decent mood. He will go into stories. Usually they are puffed up versions of what he knows and has been exposed to. Where the Catholic faith is heading...things like that. I don't have the time. Tonight was short, I remained standing even though he preferred me to sit, he kept me 5 extra minutes than need be. I have other time consuming residents. Doesn't sound like much but some days he has kept nurses for 40 minutes with a story. I want to nip it before it goes that far. It's easier to shut someone down early than it is to let them keep going.
Besides the time factor, I seriously dislike him. No onellikes him. He treats the aides like garbage. I don't like the self important way that he handles himself. It seriously grates on my last nerve. I thought of just saying that I have other meds to pass I've got to go. But that won't fly w/him. He will say he pays x thousands of dollars and he deserves blah blah. I'm thinking of having my aide knock on the door if I'm longer than 5 minutes, but I can't always rely they will be there.
The only other thing I can think of, is to say I have something in the microwave that's got to get to another resident, or ice cream that needs to be given to a resident but I don't know. Any other suggestions to get out of there fast?
something else occurred to me. what were his personality and demeanor like for most of his adult life?
was he this difficult and unyielding then? if no, then i'd suspect some type of dementia or other organic condition. has he ever been tested?
i hate to bring this particular issue up, but could he have committed sexual abuse earlier and is now tormented by what he did?
i just hate to see you this upset, bitter and angry about this man. please try to remember something.
when my mom was dying of cancer, her entire personality changed as the disease progressed. my loving and wonderful mom who spent her adult life nurturing me and helping mostly women and children by practicing family law, became mean, vindictive, unreasonable -- just with me. a family friend kept reminding me that that was not who my mom was. this was someone new and the old mom would have beem horrified by this new person. i'll just bet no one would recognize who your thouroghly obnoxious priest is now. he isn't like that by choice because no one chooses to be like he is now.
Maybe some of you can take up a collection and buy him a pen and a journal. That way when he starts to tell a story, tell him to put it in the journal and you will read it when things slow down (I know...) I am just thinking he probably has a lot of memories he may be trying to pass on..He might be feeling his memories slowly fading and may want to put it down on paper. If he can't write well, perhaps someone has one of those old tape recorders around they can "donate" with some old casette tapes...just a thought..
I would agree with the person who said to consider how much his life has changed. He used to be in a position of respect, and now he is someone totally lacking any kind of control in his life. I am sure there is a lot of frustration and anger. His attempt to control his small environment and the people around him is all he can do now. He has no control over anything else anymore. The knocking and waiting are holdovers from his military days. This is how respect is shown. When you don't do these things, he is interpreting it as you having a lack of respect for him, which makes him angry.
Rather than focus on him being a priest, you may want to focus on his military training. His behavior is similar to other veterans that I have dealt with. What may help him may be visitors who are also retired military. You may want to speak with the care manager and suggest that having volunteers visit him would be helpful to include in his plan. For example, members of the local American Legion, Veterans of Foreign Wars, or 40 and 8 posts might be the kind of company he needs. They would understand his need for respect, lining up the fringe on the bed, taking his meds a certain way. If that doesn't work, just having a friendly visitor spend time with him [probably a man's man kind of person] would be good.
In this respect, I agree with the person who said that he is lonely, because he certainly seems to be. He also appears to be angry and since he can do nothing alleviate his own anger, he gets pleasure making other people angry and upset, since there is nothing else in his life to give him pleasure.
IMHO, I don't think he has OCD. I think those things are just from his military training.
sharpeimom
2,452 Posts
something else occurred to me. what were his personality and demeanor like for most of his adult life?
was he this difficult and unyielding then? if no, then i'd suspect some type of dementia or other organic condition. has he ever been tested?
i hate to bring this particular issue up, but could he have committed sexual abuse earlier and is now tormented by what he did?
i just hate to see you this upset, bitter and angry about this man. please try to remember something.
when my mom was dying of cancer, her entire personality changed as the disease progressed. my loving and wonderful mom who spent her adult life nurturing me and helping mostly women and children by practicing family law, became mean, vindictive, unreasonable -- just with me. a family friend kept reminding me that that was not who my mom was. this was someone new and the old mom would have beem horrified by this new person. i'll just bet no one would recognize who your thouroghly obnoxious priest is now. he isn't like that by choice because no one chooses to be like he is now.
kathy
shar pei mom:paw::paw: