Lies of the ER.....

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What are some of the funniest, scariest, or weird lies youve heard patients come in the ER with??? I was just wondering what type of crazy stories you guys and gals come across before you find out the TRUTH.... LOL THANKS :yeah:

These are great keep the coming ive been laughing all day!!!!

Specializes in Geriatrics, Dialysis.

Objects of various sizes/shapes in bottoms??? No thank you...mine is exit only please!

Specializes in Gerontology, nursing education.

Moving to Nursing Humor.

We don't mind funny stories in the student forums but it the whole purpose of the thread is to share and read humorous stories, we prefer that the subject be posted in the Nursing Humor section instead. Thanks.

Yes ma'am I saw that once it was posted, but I couldnt figure how to change it to the Nursing forum... Im still kind of new at this...... :-( but the stories are GREAT!!!!

I'm an ER nurse and couldnt see myself working anywhere else.

Some of my favorites:

-guy comes in via EMS, backboard and c-collar. States he was "attempting" to rob somebody for drugs, police showed up with guns drawn, he swallowed the crack because he didn't want to go to jail. Now, he feels a little "high" and wants to be checked out. How he ended up on backboard and c-collar? "These two dudes" caught a hold of him as he was running from the police, after he swallowed the crack, and they tried to beat the crack out of him. According to him, he was robbing the drug dealers to try to get "drugs off the street" because he had found God who told him this was his calling. The true story? He was a drug addict who tried to rip off a drug dealer who beat the crap out of him for not paying. Just got released from rehab the same day. Needed a story to tell to his parents who were worried sick.

-guy comes in via EMS, on backboard, bleeding everywhere, obvious open wounds. Guy can not tell EMS or ER what happened. Denies doing any drugs/ETOH. Hooked up to monitor, HR in the 170's, no P waves, slammed Adenosine 6/12/6. Still no change. Pt cardioverted synchonized X 3 after getting some sedation. Pt still denying drug use. Also can't tell us how his legs were sliced or how his fingers are damn near amputated. Police happens to walk by and goes "this is the guy who we are looking for. He's been running for us, jumped out of a 3 story window after we caught him smoking crack".

That was his calling alright.... Lol

I wouldn't really try to call them lies but self preservation mechanisms. Some people come to the ER with all sorts of stories to cover up the true yet embarrassing circumstances by which the events occurred. What they need is privacy and sense of trust.

In my experience though, withholding information is common among teenagers who do not want their parents or other people to find out that they are sexually involved or active. Too late though because the tests came back positive for either pregnancy or STD.

Specializes in ICU.
"I fell on this knife" as he has a kitchen knife protruding from him. The wife did it.

When I was a new nurse we had a patient in SICU who was "running down the stairs and fell on a knife" and we kept his xray (back in the old days when x ray was actual film on lighted board) up for days, butcher knife coming out of his back. Wife tried to pull it out to stab again, could not get it out and just drove it in deeper (LOL). He was cheating, don't you just hate when that happens?

Funny I was just on the phone with a co-worker who was asking about another co-worker this person is always coming in all broken up and runing around like she drank 200 cups of coffee and when we ask her what happened she tells us .

I fell over the dog and landed on the side of the table and broke ribs !

I was on a trapleen and and tossed myself off and sprained my ankle !

fell over the dog again and pulled my back !

The first one might be true as she is a size 00 "Yes that was A Size 00 " but every two weeks it/s somthing new . maybe she just need a larger dog ?:yeah:

:yeah:When I was working as a registrar in the ER about a decade ago, a 17yo girl came in WITH HER MOM to get the hairspray cap removed from her you-know-where... the worst part is she had to tell her mom because she didn't have a drivers license yet!
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ha-ha how did it even fit ? OK true store I am puting myself out here for this one but h##ll you do not know me :) I have problems with mussels tithing in my pelvis . the best way to help the pain is it strich that area , I was shown how to do this with a little rod . well one day it happen at work and was so painful that I started to go on the hunt for something that might fit ,one of my dogs bones , and tube of pills , you get the idea, so I went and wrapped these thing in gloves and they did not fit , still in pain i walked around the office asking if anyone had an item the as hard as the dogs bone but smaller then these items. i was asked the same question what do you need it for ??and i would say you really do not want to know and you will not want it back :yeah::yeah::yeah: ps I never anything the right size :crying2:

My favorite two ER patients were 1) the guy who came in with a Mrs. Butterworth's syrup bottle shoved up his butt. His partner had the bright idea to drill a hole in the bottom of the bottle to empty it so it would come out. All he managed to do was drill a hole in the guy's rectum. The bottle was removed with OB forceps, then on to surgery for the repair work, and 2) the woman who came in high as a kite with a nosebleed. I asked about drugs, which she, of course, denied but said she knew why her nose was bleeding. Silly me had to ask why and she said "My period came down a few days ago and now it's gone back up again".

how in the world do people get these thing to fit there ??????

Originally Posted by suanna

BE careful what you wish for- either you are going to be a great nurse with an open mind and a compassionate soul or you are totaly nuts to want to deal with the squirl balls that plague our ERs.

My favorite story from ER- and one that is so common in our ER- is the poor guy who, while naked, "accidently" sat on his wifes' hairbrush, vibator, a lightbulb, various veggies..... and the next thing you know it was lost in his colon. I hate it when that happens!

hahahahhaha When I worked as a clerk at the hospital I was walking down the hall while they were taking this man down to endoscopy while his male friend was running alongside screaming "i'm sorry, I'm sorry" and then I got his x-ray and there was the infamous gigantic potatoe he "sat on."

Hmmmmm..........maybe he forgot to ask for "fries with that."

hahaha I think I am missing something here why would anyone what to put thing in there butt?

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