Less judgment more, construction. Don't tell me I cannot, tell me how to, and this is why.

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I shouldn't have to hide my struggles for fear of discrimination, but I find that is exactly what I am doing. Since being honest about what is going on in my life may cost me my future. That disgusts me. I have had issues yes, but if you had gone through what I went through you would know why.

Sure I should have handled it better, but I was 19, and I thought I was invincible. I was filled with a naivete, and thought my naivete was good better than the broken down old cynicism of older generations. Basically I was young, and unprepared for the struggles I would face. That is why I failed, and I am now succeeding where I failed before.

Its the quality of life that matters, when the quality of life is gone, what the heck is the point of being alive anymore. I got lucky I managed to turn things around with a little help, and some hard work. I have options again, I never thought I would have.

I shouldn't have to hide what I went through. The cost of my medical bills could have payed for my education in full. The stigma is the hardest part to deal with. This judgment made by others that I am unfit for something because of my conditions.

Yet the same people will say I need to pick myself up by my bootstraps. No one in this world makes it on their own its time we realize that. I am no good to any one if I cannot fix my own issues.

The point I am trying to make is this; life is hard perhaps when people break down, or cannot cope anymore we need to be a little more understanding. I am not saying I have not found such understanding on here.

I think there needs to be a more open discussion about the mental health aspects, of poor health. As some one who has experienced it my entire life, and lost opportunities because of it I must say it makes everything more difficult.

People have succeeded where I have failed, no doubt, but people have also failed walking easier roads than I have. Every one is different every one has different capabilities, strengths, situations, and weakness.

The ability to self analyze has been crucial for me, and what little success I have met with. Without my ability to self analyze I would be doomed. I don't want to hide who I am, I want to overcome what I have gone through, and thrive.

Essentially what I am saying is this, if you expect some one to overcome difficulties than don't punish a person for being honest about their struggles. I find that is the kind of culture in everyday life. Quite frankly it needs to stop. How are people supposed to overcome their problems if they have to go it alone, or bottle up their emotions.

Everyone gives advice, and the largest group of advisors are those who have no clue what in God's name they are talking about. Truly good advice is priceless, but it is hard to recognize it when it comes.

I have decided to follow my own judgment until the end. For better, or for worse I will sink or swim on my own merits, judgment, wants, desires, hopes aspirations, etc.

There are two points to this post.

1.) Be non judgmental if you can, you never know what some one has gone through, and if you could have done better in their shoes.

2.) You have to want it for yourself, because while people may be willing to help you, they can't do it for you. Now I try to instil a desire in other people to want it for themselves. Because nothing helps perseverance more than constantly being hungry for success, and overcoming your struggles.

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What in the Sam Hill are you talking about?!

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What in the Sam Hill are you talking about?!

Mite just a rant. I suffer from depression it lead to psych hospitalization years ago.

I suppose that is what I am talking about, I should be able to talk about it honestly without fear of judgment.

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Gavin, you can not dictate how others react or act. You cannot control other people.

No one here is trying to hold you back.

There will be real obstacles, as you know, but what others say or think cannot be helped. Please try to take it out of the equation.

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Specializes in Specializes in L/D, newborn, GYN, LTC, Dialysis.

Do you feel better now?

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Do you feel better now?

Lol, actually yes I do. I wish I had handled things differently, but on the flip side it's off my chest.

I don't have to bottle it up anymore. I don't want to have to go through my life in fear of discrimination because of past issues.

Could I handle things better sure, but I am trying to learn. It's been a rough week, my old job just got axed meaning there is no going back now.

I have to comeplete, or end up living a life of disappointment and regret. I am guessing this was rhetorical, but I went from fearing I would end up homeless, to back in college at 27.

Its incredibly frustrating, and I just do t want to hide what I went through for fear of judgement. It's why I got to the point I did.

Was this post ill conceived sure, but it wasn't meant to chide any one on here, it was me venting about my worries.

What if prospective employers search for this type of thing, I do t feel like it is something I should hide.

The reality is however is that would probably be the best thing to do, and it's frustrating. It wasn't aimed at anyone on here, but rather perceived discrimination.

I want to be myself, work hard get my education, be grateful, have a family sends kids to college, and all the normal things in life.

I don't want to use it as a crutch, but equally I don't want it to be something I need to fear.

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Specializes in ED, psych.

I think, from reading several of your posts over the last two weeks, that you've hit a growth period where you seem to accept your past and have embraced it -- am I correct? This post seems a far cry from you angrily telling (I believe, SmilingBluEyes) that you were going to "prove it" to her that you could make it a week or so ago. If so, this is good!

Do I think your post ill conceived? No, not at all. I see where you are coming from. I think, though, having gone through mental health issues of my own, that we all need to come at the point in our journey where we accept what happened, where we are, go "ok, cool," smile at ourselves in the mirror, maybe do a little jig, and keep going without it fully defining us. My introduction can go like this:

"Hi, I'm pixie rose and I'm mom to a beautiful 13 year old girl and 14 year old boy, married to the man of my dreams and I love to run, garden, read Jane Austen, play CandyCrush and I love to eat red velvet cake! I'm a nursing student who can't decide what she really wants to be when she grows up and ... Huh? Oh, yeah. I'm bipolar, too. I take Seroquel and Lamictal and I can get out of bed in the morning now! It was rough going for a while. ANYWHO, I can kick ass in Sudoku and have been a Girl Scout leader since ..."

You get the idea. You can't dictate how others act or react to you. You can only control yourself and how you react to others. I personally don't have the energy to give for that negativity. My kids and my husband, my studies and my hobbies, that is where my energy goes to.

Keep moving forward, Gavin.

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Specializes in Med/Surg, Ortho, ASC.

Given your many, many threads over the last 30 days, I have to wonder if you are perhaps attached to your Internet connections in unhealthy ways. I hope you are continuing to work on your personal relationships as well as posting on the Internet.

Good luck to you as a nursing student.

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Given your many, many threads over the last 30 days, I have to wonder if you are perhaps attached to your Internet connections in unhealthy ways. I hope you are continuing to work on your personal relationships as well as posting on the Internet.

Good luck to you as a nursing student.

Lol thanks I actually am. I went out the other night with a friend, and tomorrow I am meeting another friend to study for Anatomy, and physiology. I post obsessively when I have free time. Sorry I am sitting here laughing my but off at myself. Its truly the best medicine.

Its like trying to fill a void in my life. I suppose what is missing is personal relationships. I became so obsessed with getting my academic, and professional goals I completely neglected personal relationships, but I believe it is a problem I am now rectifying.

I have to be mindful of keeping balance in my life, and with that I am going outside.

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I think, from reading several of your posts over the last two weeks, that you've hit a growth period where you seem to accept your past and have embraced it -- am I correct? This post seems a far cry from you angrily telling (I believe, SmilingBluEyes) that you were going to "prove it" to her that you could make it a week or so ago. If so, this is good!

Do I think your post ill conceived? No, not at all. I see where you are coming from. I think, though, having gone through mental health issues of my own, that we all need to come at the point in our journey where we accept what happened, where we are, go "ok, cool," smile at ourselves in the mirror, maybe do a little jig, and keep going without it fully defining us. My introduction can go like this:

"Hi, I'm pixie rose and I'm mom to a beautiful 13 year old girl and 14 year old boy, married to the man of my dreams and I love to run, garden, read Jane Austen, play CandyCrush and I love to eat red velvet cake! I'm a nursing student who can't decide what she really wants to be when she grows up and ... Huh? Oh, yeah. I'm bipolar, too. I take Seroquel and Lamictal and I can get out of bed in the morning now! It was rough going for a while. ANYWHO, I can kick ass in Sudoku and have been a Girl Scout leader since ..."

You get the idea. You can't dictate how others act or react to you. You can only control yourself and how you react to others. I personally don't have the energy to give for that negativity. My kids and my husband, my studies and my hobbies, that is where my energy goes to.

Keep moving forward, Gavin.

Thanks for this. I know I am not the only one who struggles. I just want the normal things in life. A home a family, I want to be able to send kids to college someday.

Its funny I was just counseling a kid not unlike me, a bit younger to forget about society, and focus on what you want.

Seems I need to take my own advice.

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I would suggest (from personal experience) that becoming an advocate for positive mental health treatment and awareness is truly helpful as part of living with it. Not lecturing people but promoting positive information.

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Specializes in ICU.

I suppose you can't change other's behaviour or thoughts but you can advocate for greater mental health awareness and removal of the attached stigma. When I've wanted to change others' reactions I've tried instead to "be the change you want to see", a bit corny but it switches your focus back to what is within your power to control.

I hope you are okay, your posts have been more coherent on previous occasions and it sounds like there are a lot of thoughts racing around your head.

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