I shouldn't have to hide my struggles for fear of discrimination, but I find that is exactly what I am doing. Since being honest about what is going on in my life may cost me my future. That disgusts me. I have had issues yes, but if you had gone through what I went through you would know why.
Sure I should have handled it better, but I was 19, and I thought I was invincible. I was filled with a naivete, and thought my naivete was good better than the broken down old cynicism of older generations. Basically I was young, and unprepared for the struggles I would face. That is why I failed, and I am now succeeding where I failed before.
Its the quality of life that matters, when the quality of life is gone, what the heck is the point of being alive anymore. I got lucky I managed to turn things around with a little help, and some hard work. I have options again, I never thought I would have.
I shouldn't have to hide what I went through. The cost of my medical bills could have payed for my education in full. The stigma is the hardest part to deal with. This judgment made by others that I am unfit for something because of my conditions.
Yet the same people will say I need to pick myself up by my bootstraps. No one in this world makes it on their own its time we realize that. I am no good to any one if I cannot fix my own issues.
The point I am trying to make is this; life is hard perhaps when people break down, or cannot cope anymore we need to be a little more understanding. I am not saying I have not found such understanding on here.
I think there needs to be a more open discussion about the mental health aspects, of poor health. As some one who has experienced it my entire life, and lost opportunities because of it I must say it makes everything more difficult.
People have succeeded where I have failed, no doubt, but people have also failed walking easier roads than I have. Every one is different every one has different capabilities, strengths, situations, and weakness.
The ability to self analyze has been crucial for me, and what little success I have met with. Without my ability to self analyze I would be doomed. I don't want to hide who I am, I want to overcome what I have gone through, and thrive.
Essentially what I am saying is this, if you expect some one to overcome difficulties than don't punish a person for being honest about their struggles. I find that is the kind of culture in everyday life. Quite frankly it needs to stop. How are people supposed to overcome their problems if they have to go it alone, or bottle up their emotions.
Everyone gives advice, and the largest group of advisors are those who have no clue what in God's name they are talking about. Truly good advice is priceless, but it is hard to recognize it when it comes.
I have decided to follow my own judgment until the end. For better, or for worse I will sink or swim on my own merits, judgment, wants, desires, hopes aspirations, etc.
There are two points to this post.
1.) Be non judgmental if you can, you never know what some one has gone through, and if you could have done better in their shoes.
2.) You have to want it for yourself, because while people may be willing to help you, they can't do it for you. Now I try to instil a desire in other people to want it for themselves. Because nothing helps perseverance more than constantly being hungry for success, and overcoming your struggles.
honeyforasalteyfish
262 Posts
Thank you so much. Despite being on paper easier to treat then my physical illness crohn's it did far more damage to my life than crohn's did.
I look back at all the time I wasted not overcoming, the feelings of hopelessness, the continued anxiety, and the feeling of futility it brought me. Then there is the guilt, the guilt is the worst. It bubbles over in frustration, and anger. Anger it happened to me, anger I went through it, anger I ever got sick in any way shape, or form.
Still I suppose there is much to be grateful for, if I can continue to make progress in my studies, and controlling my emotions, particularly the anger I might someday find myself exactly where I want to be, albeit on a different road than I imagined.
I am actually much better since beginning treatment, but its like playing whack a mole. One problem rears its ugly head, I address it, and then another rears its ugly head. I suppose that is life.
The guilt is I waited to long, I wasted my time with when I instead of getting my education I was wasting my time feeling sorry for myself. I should never have given up, but I did. Its to late to go back now.