just a vent

Sad...

Very sad.

Not to excuse her but.....it can be very hard to watch someone die, especially for the first time.

Our lives are so sanitized now, that it is rare, (in my opinion) that people deal with even the death of a pet when they are young. Often, the first experience many people have with death is when it is with a loved one, and it can be agonizing.

I was very lucky to be brought up as a "country kid". Old dogs didn't go to "live on a farm", the barn cats were occasionally picked off by owls, and cows occasionally died giving birth to a calf. Cows also gave birth to stillborns, and I remember clearly fostering orphan calves on mourning mothers.

Not equating animal life w/ human by any stretch of the imagination. But in the past, the death of a pet often opened the door to conversation about death in loved ones. I don't know that it necessarily happens that way as much anymore.

It seems a lot of parents try to shelter their children from all the unpleasantness in the world.

Just an opinion, I am more than willing for someone to tell me I'm wrong.

I hate to say it but when I worked hospice there were more "insurance vultures" than I care to remember.

What I'm seeing is a successful journey so far.

That's what you saw. What she saw was her father slowly dying.

"Well I just wish he would hurry up and go. Can't we give it to him a little early?" The tone of voice from her is edgy and impatient. I thought, "who are you? Didn't I already explain all this to you?"

Patients and families in these situations do not process or retain the majority of what we tell them. They are on overload.

It would be nice if I don't ever see that woman again, it really would.

From your description of the patient, it sounds like you won't have to worry about that. But don't be surprised if at some point she returns to find you and thank you for your care. While she didn't process your teaching or understand the full scope of what was happening to her dad, I guarantee you this daughter will remember the time you spent with her during this frightening ordeal, and taking your time to seek her out to check on her and her father.

Well, thanks for listening. Like I said, just a vent. I was so tired and her comment hit me just the wrong way, that it felt to me like I had wasted good teaching time on someone who wasn't listening at all. I feel a little better now.

I've been there... held my Dad's hand while he was taking his final breaths.... Yes, it was hard... yes, I would do it again...and I admit, I felt the same way this daughter did... in my case it wasn't that I wanted him to hurry up and die... But I NEEDED to get on with Life...

Then the daughter looks up and says, "I thought they were going to give him morphine." I tell her it's scheduled, the nurse will bring it on time, no problem. "Well I just wish he would hurry up and go. Can't we give it to him a little early?" The tone of voice from her is edgy and impatient. I thought, "who are you? Didn't I already explain all this to you?" I told her that he's not in pain, and he can hear you, so please just spend some time with him.

It would be nice if I don't ever see that woman again, it really would.

just when you think you have seen and heard it all...."so sorry that your dad is not dying at a convenient time for you" Although-having been at the bedsides of parents,a child and a friend you do get to the point that you think you can't stand one more minute.People say things in grief that are really not what they mean-and then again-some people really DO mean " how inconvenient for ME"

keep in mind, the dying pt's journey is very different than the ones watching anxiously.

even if the pt was in good place, families always, always, always wonder, "when" the big moment will come.

hospice nurses need the patience of a saint.

we are always repeating information, over, and over and over.

and even then, we know they're probably not retaining anything.

next time, i wouldn't focus so hard on teaching.

your presence, your patience, your knowledge base (for when you need to answer the same question, 100 times) and your sensitivity, will provide much more comfort, than a paragraph of the whats, whys, hows and whens.

i'm glad your pt's death was a peaceful one.

leslie

After one of our long-time patients died, her husband came down the hall and grabbed me in a big bear hug, spun me around, smiling and crying "thank God it's over!"

A few of our newer staff looked on in disgust. I knew exactly where he was coming from; he wasn't glad she was dead, he was ecstatic she was no longer suffering. How unselfish is that?

Well, thanks for listening. Like I said, just a vent. I was so tired and her comment hit me just the wrong way, that it felt to me like I had wasted good teaching time on someone who wasn't listening at all. I feel a little better now.

I remember little if anything of what the nurses and doctors said to me when my Mom was dying. But I remember their kindness and their presence.

You wasted nothing. You were there for a person who desperately needed you. Trust me. She was listening, to more than just your words.