Just got fired from my first real job as an lpn and need some advice

[Crystal-Wings]

Hey all. I've always lurked on this board but never made an account. Anyway I desperately need some advice! Just as a bit of background info, I suffer from anxiety, depression, and ADHD for which I am seeing a doctor and have been for years and am taking meds. Anyway, I just got fired from my first real job as an LVN doing pediatric home health care. It took me 2 years to find this job, and I relocated to take it. When I was hired, I was told by the owner of the company (who is an NP) that it didn't matter that I had no experience as a nurse or in pediatrics because I would get on the job training. I thought this sounded ok, and I stupidily thought it would be similar to my old job as a home health aide working with elderly clients (I loved that job and the people I took care of dearly, and I also had really good working relationships with my supervisors; the only reason I left was because the pay was low and I was pressured by family members to find a job as a "real" lvn).

The on the job training consisted of another nurse who worked with the same client to orient me for a couple of hours at the clients home. All the nurses I worked with were people who although very nice, had only been working as nurses for a 3-6 months and were expected to know how to orient a new grad for a client. After that, I was on my own for night shifts) Things were going ok for a month, and I felt like I was getting used to the job and felt more comfortable. Then during one of my shifts, the kid I was working with's j port came out and it surprised me. The child was fine, and the mom said it was ok that it had happened before with other nurses but I still felt extremely bad and apologized profusely. Something like that had never happened to me before, and although I was taught before I started working there how to insert a temporary g port until the j port could be replaced in case it ever fell out, it was only on a doll. I finished my shift without incident and thought things would be ok. The next day however, my nurse manager called me and told me that I couldn't work on that case anymore because the mom had told her she didn't feel comfortable with me working alone with her kid because she travels a lot and I'd be alone with the kid and I didn't appear to have any confidence in my job or would know what to do if an emergency occured. I don't blame her, because I'd feel the same way if it was my kid. So my manager made me sign a document that said I was aware of the reason I was being removed from the case.

At this point, all the confidence I had been building up was gone. However, I didn't want to give up and was willing to try again. I asked for more training and they said they would put me with another client and another nurse to orient me. The next patient I received was a kid with both a g port and a j port and suction and had seizures. I knew I was in over my head but i needed this job and was willing to stick it out and try harder. The nurse that oriented me had never oriented anyone before, and although she seemed to know a lot and was good at her job, I don't think she was the best teacher. I tried my absolute hardest to try and learn everything in the 2 days I was with her but I was still nervous and unsure of myself because I didn't want to make a mistake and risk the child's safety. I asked if it was possible to have more training so I could get more comfortable, and my manager said that would be fine and not to worry. However, she called me yesterday and said I needed to come to the office again because there was another problem. So I went in today and I was told me I would be taken off the case because the parent felt I didn't have enough training or confidence, and that I was fired because I didn't seem to be a good fit for the job. I worked with a new client yesterday that was an autistic kid and it went great, so I was pretty shocked.

I don't know what to do! I moved away from home for the first time to take this job because I couldn't find anything else where I was living except the elder care job that I already had. I can't go back home, and I'm so ashamed with myself for failing. I'm afraid to work in LTC because of a bad experience I had as a CNA and couldn't keep up with the work load. Nursing school was horrible and I hated clinicals, but I worked my ass off to get through it. I feel so lost and alone right now and I have nobody to talk to, as I haven't lived where I've been living long enough to get to know anyone. I don't even know where to begin looking for work. I already know now pediatrics is not for me, and I do much better working with older people. In a way I'm relieved I got fired because I didn't want to put the kids or my license at risk, but at the same time I'm panicking because I don't have a job! Does anyone on here have any advice to give that would help me???

[caliotter3]

Maxim ran its first immunization clinic ad on craigslist in my area three days ago. Strongly suggest you sign up with them to do immunization/wellness clinic work to supplement working with seniors. They pay on the low end of licensed nurse pay for the clinics, but it is still nurses' pay and something you can put on your nursing resume.

[Oceanpacific]

Be kind to yourself. I'm worried about you feeling so low and being in a new place with no safety net. You enjoyed working with seniors. It's great you have that skill set because those skills will be in most demand. You can move back to your home community whether your Dad likes it or not. You had the courage to try something new. Good for you!

It's ok to try something new and find that it is not a good fit. Now allow yourself the comfort of going back to the setting where you shine.

[nutella, MSN, RN]

Home care is now high tech with high acuity and it is best to have some experience before going into home care, I do not think it is a good setting for a new grad because you are on your own after short orientation.

Anyhow, not all hospitals employ LPNs but some do and it does not hurt to apply for it. MD offices have LPNs and you can look into that. The other job is acute rehab which is more acute than just a nursing home and some acute rehab places have pretty sick patients on ventilators, tubes, all kind of issues so you would get some good experience there as a first step - of course that can be stressful but I am just tossing it out.

[Crystal-Wings, LVN]

Believe me, I never want to do peds again! I tried it, and didn't feel comfortable working with sick children. It's definitely not for everyone. You are right though that some parents can be unreasonable. I had a client who's mom sat in the same room during almost the entire shift doing most of the care herself which made me ask myself why she wanted a nurse there every day. It also made me feel extremely uncomfortable, with her watching every thing I did. Like I get it that it's their kid and they want the best care for them, but if they readily agree to have a new grad come to their house to learn how to do the job at least give them a few weeks to get oriented. Otherwise, don't agree to having a new grad and say you prefer someone with experience come to your house from the very beginning.

Not saying anything bad about the parents I worked with. They were all good people, nobody was rude or anything. There was one mom though that was practically making out with her boyfriend while I was trying to get the kid ready for bed (diaper change, meds, getting the feeding pump set up and running) and that kinda made me feel in an uncomfortable situation.

[ktwlpn, LPN]

Work on your "poker face",too.If your client is on fire and simultaneously spewing blood from every orifice you need to look like you are not freaking out on the inside...The client and their loved ones are looking to you to handle the crisis.

[nursel56]

I have to agree this type of job would be difficult for any new grad to take on. There is no safety net, and the family dynamics from one case to another are so vastly different most of the time it's like a completely new job each time you start working in a different home.

I don't put that entirely on the parents, either. Some agencies send out any warm body with a license they can find. A few scary experiences make the parents appear paranoid if you aren't aware of their prior history. Just one example I know happened. An over-tired nurse, while attempting to refill the vent humidifier became confused and actually poured water into the client's lungs.

Crystal Wings, it sounds to me like you really need to be in that job you enjoy and feel comfortable and competent doing even if the pay is lower. It's one thing for us to tell you your assessment of yourself right now is skewed due to anxiety, fatigue, etc., feeling competent and even appreciated so you can move forward isn't something you can put any price on.

[Crystal-Wings, LVN]

Thanks for the response! I have slight aspergers, so sometimes I say or react to certain situations in ways that are different from a typical person. It can make the job difficult at times, and it's not like you can tell your employer or the person you're caring for that your reaction to something was triggered by the disorder, because 1) it's not professional, and 2) a lot of people don't understand/know what aspergers is or are very judgemental and can treat you like you're some kind of freak with 2 heads and won't even give you a chance to prove yourself- and it's frustrating.

And about the nurse who accidentally poured water in their patient's lungs instead of the humidifier, I can't imagine how horrible that must have been (for both nurse and patient!).

[jtmarcy12, BSN, RN]

If you can message me I will talk with you about a possible job, but it is in PEDs but you WILL be trained well.

Take care, things are going to get better don't give up.

[Crystal-Wings, LVN]

jtmarcy12-unfortunately I can't send you a pm on here because I don't have 15 topics created and that's what you need if you want to message someone on here. Not sure if you're able to send me a message.

[silentwolves, ADN, BSN, RN]

This sounds hauntingly like my self! I'm out on 2 weeks short term disability for repeated panic attacks after returning from vacation. Things were adding up before I left, so it wasn't completely out of he blue...

i think I have just kept putting my anxiety and fears aside to get through nursing school, and then to get acclimated to a first job. And it finally became too much to handle.

The training wasn't there for me either... I understand your fears, the money concerns and trying to find a job with less than a years experience...

hang in there and keep looking. I was fired from. Y very first job after 3 months, after a terrible training period, then it took me over a year to find he job I have now. Eight months in, and I'm still not comfortable. We with anxiety need a lot of extra time and support and it's just not made available to us! It sucks

[Crystal-Wings, LVN]

At least you still have the job. But ya, I've noticed I only can handle 1 on 1 care. I have over 3 years of experience working with older people in their homes, and several of them had dementia/alzheimer's. I would have stayed (I was there 2 years) but the hours weren't always enough and the pay sadly wasn't enough to live on. I thought I might do ok with pedi clients in a home setting where I'd have only one client at a time but it was much more than I had anticipated. I really want to be a nurse and good one, and I worked very hard to get through school (especially clinicals). I even was the valedictorian of my class, which makes my inability to hold (except my old senior care aide job) or find a job as a nurse even more devastating.

I just wish there was someone somewhere who would give me a chance and proper training so that I could be successful. I already know I can do a good job once I learn and am in an environment where I'm comfortable.

[jtmarcy12, BSN, RN]

Crystal what city do you live in?