Hey all. I've always lurked on this board but never made an account. Anyway I desperately need some advice! Just as a bit of background info, I suffer from anxiety, depression, and ADHD for which I am seeing a doctor and have been for years and am taking meds. Anyway, I just got fired from my first real job as an LVN doing pediatric home health care. It took me 2 years to find this job, and I relocated to take it. When I was hired, I was told by the owner of the company (who is an NP) that it didn't matter that I had no experience as a nurse or in pediatrics because I would get on the job training. I thought this sounded ok, and I stupidily thought it would be similar to my old job as a home health aide working with elderly clients (I loved that job and the people I took care of dearly, and I also had really good working relationships with my supervisors; the only reason I left was because the pay was low and I was pressured by family members to find a job as a "real" lvn).
The on the job training consisted of another nurse who worked with the same client to orient me for a couple of hours at the clients home. All the nurses I worked with were people who although very nice, had only been working as nurses for a 3-6 months and were expected to know how to orient a new grad for a client. After that, I was on my own for night shifts) Things were going ok for a month, and I felt like I was getting used to the job and felt more comfortable. Then during one of my shifts, the kid I was working with's j port came out and it surprised me. The child was fine, and the mom said it was ok that it had happened before with other nurses but I still felt extremely bad and apologized profusely. Something like that had never happened to me before, and although I was taught before I started working there how to insert a temporary g port until the j port could be replaced in case it ever fell out, it was only on a doll. I finished my shift without incident and thought things would be ok. The next day however, my nurse manager called me and told me that I couldn't work on that case anymore because the mom had told her she didn't feel comfortable with me working alone with her kid because she travels a lot and I'd be alone with the kid and I didn't appear to have any confidence in my job or would know what to do if an emergency occured. I don't blame her, because I'd feel the same way if it was my kid. So my manager made me sign a document that said I was aware of the reason I was being removed from the case.
At this point, all the confidence I had been building up was gone. However, I didn't want to give up and was willing to try again. I asked for more training and they said they would put me with another client and another nurse to orient me. The next patient I received was a kid with both a g port and a j port and suction and had seizures. I knew I was in over my head but i needed this job and was willing to stick it out and try harder. The nurse that oriented me had never oriented anyone before, and although she seemed to know a lot and was good at her job, I don't think she was the best teacher. I tried my absolute hardest to try and learn everything in the 2 days I was with her but I was still nervous and unsure of myself because I didn't want to make a mistake and risk the child's safety. I asked if it was possible to have more training so I could get more comfortable, and my manager said that would be fine and not to worry. However, she called me yesterday and said I needed to come to the office again because there was another problem. So I went in today and I was told me I would be taken off the case because the parent felt I didn't have enough training or confidence, and that I was fired because I didn't seem to be a good fit for the job. I worked with a new client yesterday that was an autistic kid and it went great, so I was pretty shocked.
I don't know what to do! I moved away from home for the first time to take this job because I couldn't find anything else where I was living except the elder care job that I already had. I can't go back home, and I'm so ashamed with myself for failing. I'm afraid to work in LTC because of a bad experience I had as a CNA and couldn't keep up with the work load. Nursing school was horrible and I hated clinicals, but I worked my ass off to get through it. I feel so lost and alone right now and I have nobody to talk to, as I haven't lived where I've been living long enough to get to know anyone. I don't even know where to begin looking for work. I already know now pediatrics is not for me, and I do much better working with older people. In a way I'm relieved I got fired because I didn't want to put the kids or my license at risk, but at the same time I'm panicking because I don't have a job! Does anyone on here have any advice to give that would help me???
