Job loss, domestic violence, help on advice for getting back on the horse!!!!!!

Nurses General Nursing

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Hi everyone,

I havent visited for a while because my life fell apart. The nursing home I was working for wasnt working out, My husband had back surgery two years ago and has been on oxycodone. The last three months have been a nightmare, his drug use out of control. YES this pain medication creates addicts. It is like living with a manic depressive, when they are high, they are out of control happy and manic and full of 'crazy' energy. I gave him an ultimatum, get help or get out, by Christmas. Wouldnt you know it, Christmas day evening he lost it and beat me up. He has been in jail ever since. I had given my notice at the LTC facility a while back due to circumstances there and due to the chaos at home, (I was afraid to leave my boys alone with him). I feel like an idiot, I should have done something sooner, but in 11 years of marriage he has never touched me. Never underestimate the power of drugs, huh? (Although as a nurse, I would never touch someone who was in the state he was in, but when you are home, and in your relationship, you dont always think like a nurse!)

OKAY, so besides all the sordid details, I need a job and I need it NOW. I am going to lose my home, and I swear, there isnt anything out there! Maybe because I am so desperate, but if anybody has any advice at all about finding a job, please please send it my way. I already have my children and myself in counseling regarding the domestic violence issue, since they were there. The whole emotional aspect is devastating, but it has been long enough that my bruises and psyche are starting to heal. I just need a job right now!!!!!!

Anybody?

If it was my call, I would rescind my resignation and try to tough it out for my year's experience. It may stink, but not as bad as losing everything would.

The Domestic Violence center will counsel anyone, without consideration of income or insurance. They may know someone who can meet with you for financial advice.

Many blessings are wished for you.

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I'm so sorry about your situation. All I can say is that most LTCs are short staffed, so you should look into every one that's nearby, even if they don't advertize, to see if they need help. I would also check into domestic violence programs in your area. You're in my thoughts and prayers.

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Specializes in jack of all trades.
If it was my call, I would rescind my resignation and try to tough it out for my year's experience. It may stink, but not as bad as losing everything would.

The Domestic Violence center will counsel anyone, without consideration of income or insurance. They may know someone who can meet with you for financial advice.

Many blessings are wished for you.

The above advice is exactly what I would do in your situation. This is coming from someone who went through the same issue 16 years ago. Except I lost my job secondary to it rather than resignation and even lost my license for 4 months. I realized it after a broken arm and several fractured ribs it was time to go! His issue was also Opiates and etoh. There is usually support groups and domestic violence centers willing to give emotional support but when it comes to financial support you can count on ziltch if you own any property or even have a bank account in your name. I'm very glad to hear you got out before it escalated to something worse or even to the point of affecting your nursing license. Most havent a clue that something like this can and does. Please feel free to pm me anytime if you would like to talk as I said been there and also with 2 kids at the time. They never forget so you have them in counseling and your on the right track. For the time being if you can retract your resignation or are eligible for re-hire then I would definitely go that route until you can get on your feet financially. I lost everything I owned and hate to see this happen to someone else. I ended up on welfare as by the time it was all said and done I was in no shape to work even in a 7-11 and had nothing left to claim as income. He's in jail now but he will get out then you get the usual "I'm so sorry" and the "it will never happen again". I made the mistake of believing it the first time around. Opiates are not the entire reason for the behavior as there is also another anger issue going on beneath it no doubt. You just happen to be the one handy to take it out on. The judgemental attitude I got from my own co-workers and my NCM still has left a sore taste I will probably never forget. I'm glad to see so many responses here with showing support as most never consider one of our own in this type position. Yes educated people can and are in abusive relationships for what ever reason and it's definitely not the they want to be there. Again please feel free to pm me and I'll be happy to talk with you via phone if you like anytime. :)

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Try the YWCA if there is one in your area. About 20 years ago, I went through something similar. I was told by my landlord to talk to the Red Cross.

You will be in my thoughts and prayers, if you need a shoulder, mine are pretty broad. pm too if you need to talk

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Specializes in Brain injury,vent,peds ,geriatrics,home.

Kristibrn,Im so sorry for your situation.Ill say a prayer for you.But always keep in mind these days pass and theres always something better beyond.Thank God you were able to be blessed with the brains and opportunity to graduate from nursing school.JUst take a deep breath,ask for Gods help.He knows whats best for you.I know youll find the perfect position soon.

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Specializes in Brain injury,vent,peds ,geriatrics,home.

I noticed you worked for a DR. for along time why dont you go back to a DR. office.Also homecare, cause the stress is a little less than LTC, what you definitely need now.Good luck.Keep us posted please.We really care.

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As far as the impending foreclosure goes:

Okay, I cannot swear to the authenticity of this data, but when I got laid off & was investigating every possible scam out there, I had a buudy who told me he had a relative who worked for a mortgage company, & she had told him that once foreclosure proceedings had started, simply throwing ONE payment at them was enough to make the bank go back to the starting point with the entire foreclosure machinery.

As I said, I am not sure if this is true or not, as I have yet to have to resort to that. If it is true, one mortgage payment will buy you some time.

Good luck; I empathise.

matt

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Try your local HUD office. They may help with your mortgage for a month or even 2. I am so sorry for all that you are going through. You may even try contacting your mortgage company and explain your situation they may let you miss a couple of payments and just add them on at the end of the mortgage. Good luck and my prayers are going out to you and your boys.

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I agree with the idea to go back to your employer and be rehired.

Agencies can be good.

Go to hospitals, long-term care facilities, and apply in person.

You will be hired, and you will complete that year of experience.

All the best to you.

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Specializes in Med-Surg, LTC, Rehabiliation Nursing.

Thanks so much for the support everybody, it does help. I tried but I cant get back in there at the LTC facility. I am applying everywhere. I also talked to a couple of my teachers from school and they gave me some leads I hope will go somewhere. In the meantime I am just taking it one day at a time. Yeah, I can refinance, but they need you to have a job. It all hinges on that. No pressure, right? :chair: I am off to bring in another application. Thanks so much for the advice and support. I have done enough :bluecry1: , now I need to get off my bottom and move on!!!! My husband is out of jail and supposedly a 'changed man', but he has not tried to contact me, which is good cuz thats part of his parole conditions. I need the time away emotionally too.

thanks again everybody,

(haunted, the offer of a road trip made me cry!)

Hanging in there

KristyBRN

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Specializes in cardiac med-surg.

kristy

keep your chin up and keep us posted in your progress

i wish good things for your future

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I am so sorry you and your children find yourselves in this situation. It sounds like a lot of good advice has been given here already. You seem to know deep down that another try with this guy is not in the picture. I can only say that losing material things, although hurtful and stressful, does not compare to losing your life or the life of one of your children. Perhaps a move to another area is in order? Do you have family close? Have you sought out assistance from your church? I will be praying for you and your children.

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