Thanks, Live To Learn; you are right, I need to stop using words that most people find profane as an integral part of my working vocabulary. It does give the impression of unprofessionality. I don't think it is automatically nontherapeutic, depending upon how it's done (& I always did it quite naturally & nonthreataningly), but it does set a horrible example, so there goes my role-modeling right out the window. As far as the ED & ICU, I always thought I was not wired right for that; I think my first choice should have been the OR interview I turned down fresh out of nsg school. Thanks for your advice.
Sweet Sunshine & Lady, I'm appreciative of your advice. My up-front wide-open approach at being honest has always been one of my worst enemies. I worked as an airline mechanic way-long enough to know that. I will probably continue to slash my own wrists with it. It is a shame, however, that honesty is not always the best policy.
Loritacus & Batman: thankyou so much for seeing both sides of the issue. This floor has the worst reputation in the hospital, & this is the biggest psych hospital in the area, so you know what that means. I am one of the few RNs that tries to spend as much time as he can on the unit assisting staff. The hands-on approach ingratiated me with the ancillary staff, did nothing to impress most of management (with the exception of a couple of immediate ex-management people, both of whom I feel will give me a decent reference), & also had me sharing assaults with the ancillary staff (moreso, I believe, than the other RNs). But I figured this is what I am good for, I am about as strong as I am dumb, & pain & scars don't really bother me. I've been bitten a few times, & a fecal digging ex-patient left fingernail shaped scars up & down both arms over the course of me restraining & medicating him (I will wear his claw marks the rest of my life), kicked, punched, & what have you. Two weeks ago I sustained a lower back injury on the adult side as a result of a tussle getting someone into seclusion (that I did file an incident report on). No, I did not file an incident report on this one (I elected to finish the 2P pill-pass), but I know that the two staff who took the boy down, do like & respect me, & will lay out exactly what happened, not that I expect anyone will care. Not accepting the offer of a union rep probably wasn't a good idea, but I've already fessed up to being as dumb as I am strong. My immediate instinct is to approach any interviews I can get, basically the way I've approached this paragraph (with the exception of the admission of being dumb) & just look at this as an experience. The (pre-termination) suspension letter states that I am not allowed on the property (unless I turn into a pt.), & honestly, in the 8 monthes I worked there, I've not once been contacted by the union, & I wouldn't know how to get a-hold of them. When I said, "let's do it," I guess I just was feeling to hell with it, if that's the way they feel. I think you offer a valid point, I could certainly claim that the trauma of the attack clouded my thinking, but truth be known, I've been assaulted so many times it was just another day in the office. It was the behavioral specialist reading me the riot act that had me most shook up. refusal of union representation was just a result of my own slow thinking. Thanks again, I really & truly appreciate your seeing my POV!
Meluhn, you are absolutely right, I'm not nurse-nancy, & as I PMed someone yesterday, it got wayyyyy to easy to let my hair down. I guess that's what I found one of the few redeeming factors of the job. "Hey, I'll just pop a half-milagram-of-klonopin, park the car & walk the quarter mile to Hell-Hospital, sling a few pills (which I ALWAYS served with a glass of diet-soda, not tepid tap-water), break up a few fights, get assaulted once or twice, do reams & reams of mindless paperwork, maybe once a day or so have a conversation with a patient that I felt really mighta made a difference in that patients day, patch myself up, & call it a day. I guess I'm really not in a position to bargain right now, so I suppose I'll try my hand at what ever I'm offered.
I still feel I was a good employee, whether anyone gives a crap or not. Right before last Christmas, in the middle of the 8P pill sling, my Rt ring finger got smashed (I mean SMASHED) by a heavy security door on the adult side. My ex-ACNM (who has already said she'd be a great reference) stopped the bleeding & patched it up. She then told me to go accross the street to the ED of the real hospital, I was like sure, but since it was my fault let me finish my pill-pass first. She looked at me, & basically said okay. I got across the street (by that time the pain had gone away & it was just numb) at 10P or so, the admitting nurse at the ED asked me what time it happened, I said 8 or so, she looked at me hard & said "well, it's 10P now," I said "I meant 8P," she said "what were you doing in the mean time (?)", I said, "finishing my pill-pass," she said, "you are either incredibly loyal or incredibly stupid," I could only smile sadly & tell her that it was the latter of the two options. The x-ray showed I had broke the tip of my finger, the nail-bed was lacerated, so the ED Docs said the best thing to do was remove the entire nail (that REALLY HURT, if I was getting tortured, I wouldn't stand up to THAT kinda pain for long, I'd sell a blood relative out), clean the laceration, sew a piece of dsg on in lieu of the nail, & then send me outa there w/ a hand wrapped up like Freddy Kruger. They were short at Christmas time, so I got a workman's comp doctor to lift ALL restrictions so I could go back to work WITHOUT a finger splint; they were all surprised (but happy because they were so short) to see me bee-bopping in on Christmas eve. I worked 12 for them that night & 12 again on Christmas.
But you know what they say, "that was then & this is now."
Hey, thanks for listening, it felt good to get some of that stuff off of my chest!