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Issue with nursing classmate

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ilooc72 ilooc72 (New) New

Hi, I am a first year nursing student. When I began my semester, I met a woman who seemed pretty nice. I agreed to form a study group with her and another classmate. I write detailed outlines to study from sometimes, and I agreed to share them. Well, the woman would constantly nag me for them, asking me if i did the readings and started it yet because she relied on them to study. I told her the course load for nursing is much heavier than previous classes and I had work and other classes to worry about as well. But I always sent them to her when I finished, even if it was a bit late. The other classmate ended up withdrawing mid semester, but she was always helpful, and even wrote one of the outlines when I missed a class. She offered her recording for the missed lecture, but when I said I wasn't writing that outline, the other classmate was, I never received it. I ended up getting it from another classmate who nicely sent it to my phone immediately. The study group was unproductive to me because it consisted mostly of sitting there and reading my outlines. So, I stopped making the effort to meet period. Anyway, our final is in one week and it is a cumulative test with 7 lectures and 13 new chapters. I asked her if she would type just the last 4 power points, not do the entire outline or fill them in. She sent me one so far, and expressed how hard it was and how late she stayed up typing it and how I should do it. I ended up typing up the rest and well as the previous chapters. I completed two of the outlines and almost the third, then a personal medical issue came up recently for me. I had to go to the doctor a couple of times and also have a procedure done. She texted me thanking me for the outlines, I already sent and did I do the others. I told her had a lot on my plate to deal with and that I'm going through some personal health issues. I said I would finish what I can when I can. She didn't respond and texted me the next day stating, "Like what". This upset me greatly and I told her I didn't think she was a friend if she couldn't understand with my situation. I feel I go out of my way to help her, allowing her to borrow (and I gave her one) books, sharing my lecture/lab notes, helping her register online, even occasionally picking stuff up for her outside of school. She's even asked for notes for another class for a friend of hers (I didn't have any). And I don't think I get anything much in return from her. I don't mind helping, but this is a tough time for me and I think she is being unfair with her demands. I am beginning to believe she feels entitled to my work and is not as willing to help me when I need it. Should I stop helping her or am I wrong because I did tell her at the beginning of the semester I would share?

If I was helping someone as much as you are helping this woman, and she was asking if I had finished the outlines yet, I would just say "No i haven't finished yet." I don't think she's entitled to an explanation as to why you haven't done it, you are doing her a favor and don't need to be apologetic for being late. In nursing school, it's great to help other people and form study groups...but in the end its YOUR emotional and physical health that are #1.

I would also probably start sending the outlines to the entire class. That way, she won't see herself as "special", but you'll still be helping everyone out! :)

Good luck!

She is obviously taking advantage of you and you are allowing her to do so. Stop any time you want to take responsibility for only your own efforts.

Trilldayz,RN BSN

Specializes in Critical Care (ICU/CVICU).

Leave her alone...she is totally inconsiderate and selfish!

I had a very similar situation in school. I simply stopped helping the person. I wish I'd done it sooner, because it took a lot of my time and effort to try and meet the person's expectations of all the free help they thought they were entitled to from me. It's unpleasant when you stop helping, you kind of have to then avoid the person at class, but it's worth saving yourself the time and stress.

This is exactly why I prefer to study alone. I have never found studying with others to be productive; same with group projects. Just blow her off. What do you care what she thinks? (unless she's some sort of job connection or otherwise of use to you)

RN_2012, BSN, RN

Has 7 years experience.

I only help those that help themselves. I would not be doing all this work for others so they can slack off.

JBudd, MSN

Specializes in Trauma, Teaching. Has 39 years experience.

Just tell her that you are not finding it as helpful as you had hoped, and are now going to change your study methods. Say thanks for help in the past, but you are not going to continue as before and wish her luck.

You don't have to explain, excuse or do anything else.

Moogie

Specializes in Gerontology, nursing education.

Stop enabling this woman now. I agree with the above posters. You're letting her slack off and put the responsibility for her learning on your shoulders. In nursing school, you are adult learners. You need to be responsible for your own learning. Yes, it will cost you the "friendship" but it doesn't sound to me that this woman is much of a friend anyway.

Personally, if I put a lot of effort into making outlines for each lecture, I would not want to share them with anyone who had not helped me with them. What if you get something wrong? Would your classmates blame you for the mistake if they studied your outlines rather than their own lecture notes?

Looks like youre the victim of a user. There are always people out there looking for the easy way to do everything which usually means not doing anything and just look for a handout or piggyback on someone elses work. I had a similar situation (though not regarding schoolwork) where a fellow student kept asking me to get him a coffee when I come to school. Now I dont drink coffee and theres a starbuck literally 2 doors down from our school. When this person texted me 2 hours before I even left for school I knew he was just being lazy. So I just told him straight out "I'm not your gopher, stop asking me to get you coffee and thats where that ended". You just have to confront these people cause hinting or being passive agressive is usually lost on them. I say you tell her how you feel and break off any agreement you had. You dont need the added stress of someone bugging you to do work for them.

wow. I don't mind helping people if they're showing the initiative to help themselves, but that's way overboard from the classmate. I agree. A simple statement along the lines of not finding the study group to be effective for you at this time seems suitable.

I agree with most of the previous posters, However, you are not obligated to assist her in anyway, and therefore do not OWE her or anyone else any explanations of why you have chosen to terminate your presence with the group and/or stop providing her with a copy of your study guide. It's okay to help each other out from time to time, but everyone must pull their own weight as well as contribute, point blank. Great deed on your part, but if you no longer feel up to working with her because of her attitude, or lack of, guess what, you don't have too. It is not your responsibility to see that she gets through nursing school, it's HERS. One of the nurses role's is to advocate for their patients, you cannot possibly be successful with this role, if you cannot first advocate for yourself. OP. take care of yourself (health, etc) and do what you have to do to see that you get through nursing school successfully. Try to stay away from those folks who try to use the ability of others to skate by in school. You may not be able to pick up on it at first, but you will eventually, as their motives will reveal themselves. Now, I am the type of person that will help anyone if I can, but I will not let anyone use me. All of this material is new to me and I am learning just like everyone else. If I can take the initiative to ask questions, work hard and study to get the grades that I receive, others can do the same. I cannot tell you to stop feeling (regrets, obligated, etc) the way that you do because we are all human, but I will tell you that you really don't have to feel that way. You are not wrong in anything that you have done, but will be if you continue to enable your classmate, especially if she has that attitude and have not met you halfway thus far.

Peace & Blessings!

Double-Helix, BSN, RN

Specializes in PICU, Sedation/Radiology, PACU. Has 9 years experience.

It does sound like she is taking advantage of you. Does making the outlines help you study? If it does, then you are benefitting from it and it might be worthwhile to continue to make the outlines even if you don't share them. You aren't under any obligation to make more outlines, nor to share them with the classmate. Yes, she should understand your situation and do her own studying. You've been very accomodating so far, and I hope your work also helped your grades and not just this other woman. In the future, avoid studying with this woman.

On an off note, just wondering if the "like what?" text was inquiring about your health prolems? Not that i's her busineess, but maybe she was trying to ask how you were doing, rather than how much work you would complete. I could be wrong, but it was just a thought I had.

Stop enabling this woman now. I agree with the above posters. You're letting her slack off and put the responsibility for her learning on your shoulders. In nursing school, you are adult learners. You need to be responsible for your own learning. Yes, it will cost you the "friendship" but it doesn't sound to me that this woman is much of a friend anyway.

:up: +1

metal_m0nk, BSN, RN

Specializes in ICU.

I don't mind helping, but this is a tough time for me and I think she is being unfair with her demands. I am beginning to believe she feels entitled to my work and is not as willing to help me when I need it. Should I stop helping her or am I wrong because I did tell her at the beginning of the semester I would share?

Tell her exactly what you wrote here:

That you don't mind helping, but that you believe she is being unfair with her demands and that you are beginning to believe that she feels entitled to your work, even though she has not been forthcoming with assisting you when you're in need. Give her enough rope to hang herself and when she does, cut her off.