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Discussion

Is there something wrong with me?

I'm a new grad, who graduated last May and passed the NCLEX in July.

I have been able to land 3 different nursing jobs, but lost them all due to my interactions with my coworkers. My skills are top notch, including time management. I just seem to always say something that offends someone or ask the wrong thing when I shouldn't. Of course, nothing I say is meant to be rude or harmful, yet it keeps happening and I no longer know what to do.

I have alright struck out with the two major hospitals in my town. I have an on call position at a nursing home, but I have been talked to about my actions there as well.

My patients never complain. My work is always through. I love being a nurse, but I'm starting to get frustrated. The last job I lost was a job with the company that I wanted to work for for the rest of my life. I feel so down.

Does anyone have any suggestions?

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    I can definitely relate with what you are experiencing, but I have never been fired because of it. There is so much politics when it comes to working environments. You may always offend because you are working with so many different personalities. I have learned that you aren't going to get along with everyone. I try to be very neutral when I am in my workplace as well as super positive. My grandmother always gave me the advice that work is not your whole life and to keep a smile on your face.

    Do you tend to say things before thinking about how it might come across? Are you a very blunt or straightforward type of person? i have gotten a lot of negative feedback from friends who don't know what to do with my bluntness. Sometimes I realize I am saying something rude as I am saying it.

    My biggest advice is to start being a positive team player, know your place in the workplace hierarchy, and think a little bit before you speak.

    You are on the right path and reflection on your actions will help you be more successful. Sometimes it isn't about changing yourself, but about finding the right work environment.

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    Maybe you dont handle social situations well under stress and maybe you might be on the autism spectrum. I think you should seek professional help bc whatever the problem at hand is, its getting in the way of you and your livelihood.

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    elizabethmeiereRN I don't know what it is. I like to think I am easy to get along with, but it appears that I always say the wrong thing. For example: I had to call 4 numbers to find out that the dr I was looking for was on my floor. So when he came out of a patient room I told him so, and he got real upset. I often think it is my tone as well. I'm unsure how to change this and now I'm back at square one looking for a job :( All my references from nursing school say I can't use them since I am too far out of school, so I'm definitely feeling pressure.

    I went to school in Philly also. Interesting how we both ended up on this side of the states!

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    This is an amazing coincidence because I'm having the same problem. I've been a nurse for 4.5 years, been fired 2 for things I've said. I just moved and started in a new state and this am after my shift my manager called me in to tell me there was a complaint from a pt and one from a coworker. Now I work in the ER so it's not uncommon for us to get complaints and the pt was unhappy with everyone in the visit. I'm so frustrated with myself for always screwing up! I'm in my mid 30's and I should know better. But somehow I keep messing up.

    I know my problem is trying to hard to get people to like me and trying to be funny. I've decided on a new plan for work: keep everything work related, don't try to be funny, and work even harder treating every pt like your dearest loved one. It hurt so much to hear this complaint against me today, but I'm going to wallow for a bit, then put every ounce of energy into being a better nurse. Even if I think I'm doing a good job, for others to view me as mean or angry, then that must be how I'm coming off. And as corny as this sounds my plan to help keep myself in line is to wear my glasses at work. I think of it as putting on my Awesome Nice Nurse costume to help remind me that work is for work and when the glasses are on it means business.

    Thank you so much for posting this, it was very brave of you. I hope that both of us can become better nurses and have long fulfilling careers. PM me if you want to talk more.

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    SionainnRN I don't really know how to use this site so if you want to private message me first?

    I'm hoping to get a job in an ER. I think it is the best place for me. I am just struggling since I have that new grad status.

    Thanks for saying I am brave, but really I was just hoping to get some advice. I'm worried about my future. I almost don't want to be a nurse anymore. :(

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    SioaninnRN, it won't let me send a PM. Can you send me your email and we can talk that way?

    Thanks.

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    elizabethmeiereRN I don't know what it is. I like to think I am easy to get along with, but it appears that I always say the wrong thing. For example: I had to call 4 numbers to find out that the dr I was looking for was on my floor. So when he came out of a patient room I told him so, and he got real upset. I often think it is my tone as well. I'm unsure how to change this and now I'm back at square one looking for a job :( All my references from nursing school say I can't use them since I am too far out of school, so I'm definitely feeling pressure.

    I went to school in Philly also. Interesting how we both ended up on this side of the states!

    It probably isn't a good idea to be confrontational with the MD because you had to call several numbers to find him when he was on your floor all along.

    I think you need to think abut the delivery of your statement. How you present yourself. For instance...I am looking for that doc and I called several numbers only to find him on the floor. I would say...."There you are I have been looking for you so if you here I called several places ignore them (smile)...here you are ......about Mr XZY in 204...."

    You get a lot more bees with honey than lemons.

    Paging the MD is your job. It isn't about you when you are at work. That MD couldn't care less if you were inconvenienced...he will care if you are confrontational and are perceived to have an attitude. If you have lost 3 jobs because of how you interact with others then you need to do some soul searching how you are being perceived before you go to the ED. People there are very sensitive to tone and perception when they are under stress. If you are perceived to be aggressive or harsh you will not be successful here either.

    Have you asked any of your previous managers what exactly is the issue and how you can improve it? You need to act in a role. Realize that for the most part no one cares about how you feel and how it affects you. When acting as a nurse you are to be helpful and polite. Kind and thoughtful. I am not saying you have to out up with verbal abuse but you do need to think before you speak. Moderate your responses.

    I think some poeple have problems with this and I am going to sound old....but Manners matter. I think in this electronic age we have forgotten the niceties of how to deal with people in today society. Social manners AND polite responses are a skill just like any other nursing skill it has to be learn and perfected. Remember it isn't about you and don't take it personally.

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    SioaninnRN, it won't let me send a PM. Can you send me your email and we can talk that way?

    Thanks.

    You will have access to the PM system when you have 15 quality posts. You can PM me as I am admin if you need anything.

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    Can you make it allow me to send PM messages?

    And thank you for the advice. I know all the things you said, the problem is I have no idea when I'm going to do something wrong. I wish there was someone like you who I could work with that would help me.

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    Seriously, I'd seek out a real counselor. This does not sound like a do-it-yourself project if you are really, genuinely clueless about how your behavior is affecting others to the point where you've been fired twice and on warning in a third position. This is serious. Treat it seriously and see a pro.

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    I agree with GrnTea. I don't have the best social skills in the world, but I've never been fired from a job! I've only had two pt complaints in my 21 years of nursing.

    I work ER now, but when I worked the floors and needed to call a Doc, I ALWAYS prefaced my call with "So sorry to bother you, but...". Good manners go a long ways in the workplace. Remember, when you at work, especially in the pt's room, YOU ARE ON STAGE! Pretend you in a audience with the Pope, or dining with the Queen of England.

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    • Expert

    I posted this not too long ago, so here's a repost...

    To start things off, I used to have a major problem with interpersonal skills and ended up turning people off at the workplace throughout my working career (from age 16 onward). I lacked awareness of what was wrong until I was almost 30 years old.

    My best friend, who has worked alongside me at several facilities, told me about five years ago, "Coworkers like me because I know how to play the game. I can stroke people's feelings to get them to like me. I pretend to enjoy their company and give compliments, even though the person receiving the compliment might smell bad or be ugly. When people have the choice between a phony person and a truthful person, they will almost always pick the phony because most people cannot handle the truth. I'm a phony and you're the real deal. People cannot handle the real deal, which is the reason why people do not like you as much."

    I replied, "That seems like kissing ass. I can't stoop to that level, even if it means I never build good workplace relationships like you." My friend simply shrugged and said, "It is what it is!"

    To the OP: my workplace interaction issues disappeared almost overnight once I began to play the game. Playing the game requires a repertoire of interpersonal skills, charm, sociability, and the likeability factor. You must learn to play the game. You must present a certain image of yourself while in the workplace and, unfortunately, act as if you enjoy the company of coworkers whom you might personally dislike.

    It took many years for me to realize that we work with some pathetically lonely people who look for validation at the workplace because they never get it in their personal lives. Thus, when you act relieved that a coworker arrived to work safely even though you're irritated that she always come 15 minutes late, you're validating her existence. If you thank your manager for all that she does for you, you're validating her very existence although she might be the crappiest manager in the world.

    Play the game. My workplace problems disappeared into thin air once I learned how to play the game effectively.

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