Is it possible to be successful in nursing with poor social skills?

Nurses General Nursing

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Do you know anyone that's made it despite poor social skills?

Specializes in Case mgmt., rehab, (CRRN), LTC & psych.
Do you know anyone that's made it despite poor social skills?
I wrote about my personal struggles with poor social skills several years ago. Click on the link below if you have time on your hands.

Confessions of a Nurse With Poor Interpersonal Skills

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Specializes in Urgent Care, Oncology.

I'm pretty "weird" and I made it through nursing school just fine. I also have a great job as an RN.

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Heather, I got accepted into nursing school at the age of 19. I was young and didn't know what I wanted to do. I liked medical stuff so my dad thought nursing would be good for me. I can handle noise. My biggest issue is socializing with co workers. I know the basics of being polite but it seems like no matter what I do I always end up being talked about behind my back for being weird. I'm never liked by others. I know networking is important, but I'm naturally very quiet. I find the whole social realm with my co workers exhausting. Plus, it's not working anyway. I just want to go to work, smile and be polite to my co workers, but otherwise keep to myself and do my job. I can be very extremely quiet to the point that others will ask me what's wrong. So lately, I've been trying to be more social, but I just want to be myself. I want to quit this social thing with co workers. I thought I wouldn't get talked about if I was more social but it still didn't work. No matter how I act I'm still an outcast. It's exhausting. I have no issues with my patients.

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Specializes in Neuroscience.

I wouldn't say I have the best social skills. I'm an introvert who is reserved, and prefers to interact with very small groups at a time in a quiet, toned down manner; someone who would rather stand back and observe than go up to a crowd. It's not shyness, I just don't feel the need to be in the thick of things and find crowds of people claustrophobic and overstimulating. Another reason I do not work day shift. However, as much as I am not a natural social butterfly, when I have to turn it on, it's on. I can easily walk into a room and "perform." It did take a lot of practice. I used to be very nervous, though I never let my patients or their families know it.

I do find that I still have trouble with phone conversations. For some reason not seeing a person's face sets my nerves on edge and I'm more likely to stutter, unless I have met that person in person at some point in the past and we know each other. I've gotten better, but it still needs work.

What baffles me the most is how much my coworkers seemed perplexed by my quiet demeanor. Actually, I'm not baffled. People have been like that my entire life. Always trying to get me to talk more and to be more outgoing. It used to get to me, until I learned what an introvert was, realized that there was nothing wrong with me at all, and I became more comfortable with my nature. Now, I don't give a hoot if you think I'm too quiet. Tough titty.

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Specializes in Neuroscience.
I've seen really quiet or socially awkward people get disliked and bothered by peers. I think socially awkward people irk others . Could someone that's autistic/have Aspergers be successful in nursing?

I think they could be successful as a nurse, but maybe not so much with their coworkers. Why? Because nursing is very cliquey. Men and women alike. If you are perceived as different, the majority with "other" you. There are a few kind souls out there that will treat you like a human being, those are the ones you stick close to and learn from.

I can be very extremely quiet to the point that others will ask me what's wrong. So lately, I've been trying to be more social, but I just want to be myself.

This really stuck out for me. I could have written this myself. My advice from someone who has been there and dealt internally with this same issue - don't. Don't try and be more social than you want to, don't force yourself to go against your nature. Not only is it incredibly fake, but it will feel wrong, and you'll never be able to keep it up and only exhaust yourself. If your natural inclination is to spend most of your downtime quiet and alone, then forcing otherwise will cost you a great deal of energy. There's a reason it feels bad or off. The truth of the matter is that there are a lot of people that do not understand and cannot comprehend that a smaller subset of the human population derives energy from solitude. They assume you are lonely, aloof and/or weird. It makes them uncomfortable so they try to project onto you.

As you've already discovered, people are going to talk no matter what you do. Let 'em. Screw 'em. Focus on the patients, and the people in your life that DO matter and that truly care about you. I don't know how old you are, but I feel like being comfortable with knowing that and owning that comes with age. The older you get, the more you know who you are and the less others can affect you. You'll be like Teflon!

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Specializes in ICU.
Heather, I got accepted into nursing school at the age of 19. I was young and didn't know what I wanted to do. I liked medical stuff so my dad thought nursing would be good for me. I can handle noise. My biggest issue is socializing with co workers. I know the basics of being polite but it seems like no matter what I do I always end up being talked about behind my back for being weird. I'm never liked by others. I know networking is important, but I'm naturally very quiet. I find the whole social realm with my co workers exhausting. Plus, it's not working anyway. I just want to go to work, smile and be polite to my co workers, but otherwise keep to myself and do my job. I can be very extremely quiet to the point that others will ask me what's wrong. So lately, I've been trying to be more social, but I just want to be myself. I want to quit this social thing with co workers. I thought I wouldn't get talked about if I was more social but it still didn't work. No matter how I act I'm still an outcast. It's exhausting. I have no issues with my patients.

What you are talking about is a completely different story. Have you been diagnosed with Aspergers? You do not need to socialize with your coworkers. It's really best not to. Then you are not dragged into situations that can be detrimental to you and your career. You are there to do a job, nothing more. Just be polite, smile, if someone asks how you are say great and leave it at that, other than speaking about the job. You don't need to be involved in workplace drama and politics. That is hard even for those with good social skills to navigate. As long as you are good with your patients, you are good. I had to make the decision this past semester in school just to stay out of the drama. Go to school, clinical, then home. I got dragged into crap that had nothing to do with me. I was kind of like, how did this just happen? Now I just go in and leave. And my philosophy has always been I'm not here to make friends. I'm here to accomplish a goal. If I make a friend along the way, so be it, but that's not my focus. Where other people seemed to think they had to be best buds with everyone. Those are the type of people who will throw you under the bus in an instant.

Totally just be yourself. Don't ever pretend to be someone you are not. And those who are closest to you know who you are and that is what is important. The others, do not worry about what they say or think, because in the big picture they do not matter to you anyway. Good luck, I think you will be fine. ;)

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Well I graduated. But I had a very difficult time in school, mainly Clinicals, and dealing with instructors who didn't like my personality.

I'm very socially awkward, quiet, and it's very difficult for me to make friends.

I'll be starting an OR fellowship soon, and hopefully I will mesh well there.

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Heather, a psychologist told me that I have some aspergers traits but not enough to fit the diagnosis. Since I don't have enough traits to fit Aspergers I was given the diagnosis of social anxiety disorder. I've been told that traits of extreme introversion and social anxiety can mimic Aspergers.

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Specializes in Infection Prevention, Public Health.

I think a lot depends on your ability to respond to social cues especially as concerns the patient. You need to be able to sense when a patient needs to be drawn out of their shell. You need to be able to ask questions with tact including things like sexual concerns, bodily functions and problem behaviors. Plus you need to be able to ask these questions in a manner that puts the patient at ease and allows for honest communication.

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Specializes in ICU.

Gummi, I think you will be fine. As long as you are good with your patients, that is all that matters. After all, that is what we are there for. And don't worry about being a black sheep. I have had many situations in my life where I have been cast as that. I'm a very opinionated person and I speak my mind. Maybe too much sometimes. Definitely too much for certain people I have encountered in my life. At one point, I tried to change who I was. I was miserable being somebody that I wasn't. I finally went back to being who I always have been. It made me much happier and I felt less stress in my life. So in my personal life, I surrounded myself with people who could accept me for the person I am. I don't let a lot of people in my close circle, just a few who love and accept me, and I do the same for them. I cannot change the people who say are coworkers or other students. So I hold them at arms length, I am polite, smile, and go about my business. That is what works best for me.

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Specializes in Neuroscience.

Also, gummi, don't feel too bad about not being in that close social circle at work. Being the quiet observer that I am, I overhear things. People who act like friends to each others faces, back stab and bad mouth them the minute they are not around and they have plenty of ammo in which to do it, because during their downtime people divulge all details of their personal lives. It can and does come back to haunt them at times. It only reinforces my opinion that the less said at work that isn't about work, the better. Food for thought.

Not that you can't make friends at work and have to become a total recluse. I have friends/acquaintances that I have made at work and whom I love working with, (and there are plenty of people on this site who are extremely close with their coworkers). But it took time for me to open up with them. Even still, most of them are strictly work friends and I leave the personal stuff for my outside friends.

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How do you know that they are talking about you behind your back? If you are quiet and introverted, you are more likely to be overlooked unless you have a habit of oversharing or are genuinely creepy.

You don't need to be the most popular. You just need to be polite, positive and helpful.

Make sure you maintain a social life outside work so it won't matter quite so much what your coworkers think of you.

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